Monday, 14 September 2009

The Single Life

It has come to my attention that there are people out there who don't have dates. It has also come to my attention that some of those people will turn to the Internet for advice on how to get dates. Whilst this sounds like a marvellous idea for those who are less informed to gain the experience and wisdom of those who are in the know, the plan falls short when you remember that the Internet, as a collective, has the intellect of a spilled yoghurt.

Fortunately, Yahoo Answers allows people to ask about their relationship woes, then let complete, bona fide idiots give them advice. Here are a few gems:

Creepy Foot Guy

Women, How would you react to this compliment ?

How would you react to this compliment ?
I were on a woman's way in the street and i dared to say to her :

Me - excuse me, allow me to say a compliment to you ?
Her - yes
Me - you have very pretty feet...

In fact, i'm very curious with that compliment...

how would you react, what would you think ?

Piediamiror.

PS : sory if my english isn't so good miss, english isn't my born langage
"Yeah buddy, well watch these nice feet walk in the opposite direction, you whackjob!". Actually, the best response to this is one person who said "I would ask if you wanted some jam on toast, and spread all my toejams on some buttered toast :)". The sad thing is, that probably really turned him on.

Slagilicious

When should I tell my boyfriend about about my girlfriend?

he has a little bit of a jealousy issue..which i can understand, kinda. i stopped sleeping with other guys all the time so much. now i only have a this one really sexy muppet on the side, and this uber sultry MILF. and occasionally my slutty neighbor...but there is my serious girlfriend - and she is married, so its not like she's any threat.

how do i break it to him?

My suggestion? Lay on the bed with your legs open and ask him to throw a beach ball at you. If it disappears into the cavernous void between your legs, then he should realise everything there is to know about you.

Is there even a question in here?

How can i stop myself?

i hate him for what he did, but i have a soft spot for him as well.

i haven't talked to him for a month and before we didn't talk for 3 months.

im trying to motivate myself not to talk for 3 months again. i need to break the record. that's whats motivating me at the moment. and the fact that he doesn't bother to call, text etc..

my 3 months record was broken because he saw me walking somewhere and text me to ask how i was.. maybe he forgot about me and he knew that i saw him so he didn't want to act odd and not say hi.

do you think he doesn't care or has he got the message that i don't want to talk to him?
help me!!!
sometimes i hate him so much, but sometimes i do like him.. io hate myself for having a soft spot for him.

helppppppp

If someone could translate this from Monglish to English, I'd appreciate it.

The bets are on...

When is he going to ask me out....?!?! 10 POINTS?

Me and a guy really like eachother and Ive known him for a couple months now. We text eachother but we dont get to see eachother right now because he doesnt live by me. But, we do really like eachother and we act like we are going out most of the time. But when will he officially ask me out? How could I make him want to? (He likes sexy things btw)

10 points are at stake here?! Holy crap! Derren Brown would be all over this like pocks on a prostitute. Ermmmm, erm, I predict that he will ask you out the moment you buy a house right next door to his and start doing all your chores naked with the curtains open. Judging by your desperation, I'd give that half an hour tops.

Kidnapper alert

How can I make it so that I can make out with my girlfriend more?

We both drive but for some reason it's been hard to find alone time lately. It's been bothering both of us and obviously that isn't the hallmark of our relationship. But do people sometimes find a spot to drive after a date. Where can a couple make out and how do we find more time alone?
-we've been dating 5 months

First off, remove the duct tape from her mouth...

Come get a piece of this

Girls, am i a good looker?

Girls, am i a good looker?
So yea...am i good looking to women?
Like
1) on a scale of 1-10
2)would you date me (just based on looks)
3) am i cute or ugly or what?

I just need some honest opinons is all lol

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v612/emre/Photo-0554.jpg


Thanks!

Despite looking like a human Dolmio puppet, you know you're passable in the looks department. So why upload it to the Internet? Oh yeah, because you fancied a bit of an ego boost, that's why. It's like those girls who upload bikini shots and then can't handle it if someone says they don't find them attractive. Thanks for the picture though; I needed something to strap on my dartboard.

Good question

How do you get a girls when you're kinda quiet and ugly?

First of all, look for one girl at a time rather than a collective...

Tossing the caber

Guy: Would you get your cock pulled out?

I`ve heard of an operation that some guys have to get their cocks pulled out to make the shalf longer? why do they want to have this done ?

does it even increase the length of the shalf longer at all?

My ex said he recently had it done and if a guy has had it done would it make his penis 10'' long when errect?

My dear, if you have your cock pulled out, I doubt you'll be getting many erections at all. You could, however, fill it with plaster of paris and use it as a book end. This is an Art Attack.

LOL INTERNET DATING

How to break up properly?

ok guys, my friend told me awhile ago that he's gonna break up with his gf already, long story short, they havent seen each other, they just chatted online on yahoo messenger, texts, phone calls, but he hasnt even seen her on cam or what. just her pics..

and the girl keeps saying that she'll come to his country but shes a no show she told him that shes gonna come on feb 23 but she didnt show up, next she said shes gonna come for a school interview on sept 5 but shes also a no show, now shes telling him that shes gonna come on sept 21

..long story short..too many lies has been going on already..and his parents doesnt like the girl so..he's asking me on how to break up properly..and he has no choice but to break up on the phone (i know thats a pretty lame thing to do but still) im not really good with these situations..got any tips guys? theyre on long distance relationship btw..thats also one problem..theyve been together for 9 months btw..

I think when this person's "friend" thinks about how to end this relationship properly, he needs to figure out if he even started this relationship properly. Call me old fashioned, but I like to have met a girl before I'd consider entering a nine month relationship with someone who's effectively a complete stranger. She's probably missed those visits because she's had a real date to go to anyway.

What is love?

What is important while loving?

Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.

As you can see, Yahoo Answers users dare to ask the weird and wonderful. Join me next time when I delve into the Health section, and trust me, Internet people are some of the most unhealthy people ever to exist, wheezing through life like Oliver Reed inside a punctured set of bagpipes. Anyway, catch you next time.

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