While this catchy quotation caught on and gave pimping
the reputation that it has today, some might say that the game has always been marred with a sexist slant. That’s why, as a certified
pimp daddy and chair member of the Board Of Pimps, I have decided to give
pimping a modern makeover and force it to comply with political correctness.
For starters, the term pimp needs to go. From now on, pimps will be known as “Sexual Liaison
Coordinators”. These coordinators will
be solely responsible for the well being of their ho’s. Stringent checks are to be carried to ensure
that all staff are complying with the new regulations. Pimping inspectors shall be hired to perform annual inspections on crack dens.
Any ho found with more than 5 bruises and too little crack in her veins
will incur a financial penalty upon the coordinator.
Also, women in the industry will no longer be referred to
as ho’s. Instead, they are to be known
as “Relief Technicians”. This new title
will hopefully start to address the sexism imbalance that is inherent in this line of work. I believe that, due to the dangers of this
job, the women who give their time and bodies for this profession need to be rewarded
accordingly. As such, a new minimum wage
is to be introduced. 3 hits of smack a
day should make these ladies feel more appreciated in an industry that has
taken them for granted over the years.
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| Our old mascot (above) will be replaced by Prince William |
My intention is that the industry will start to become
more customer friendly over the next few years.
Clients who don’t pay up front will not be met with initial violence. Instead, they should be strongly encouraged into one
of our offices, in which we will start to negotiate the terms of a repayment
plan. If the payment is not given there and then, penalty charges will occur at the current rate of inflation. We will offer clients the opportunity to pay
monthly, by direct debit if needs be. We
will also start to take credit cards in order to modernise our service and to give
the customer more choice when it comes to payment.
Baseball bats will not applied to the shins of rival
Sexual Liaison Coordinators. Instead, we
shall explain politely if they have intruded on our turf, and that any further
incursions will result in a major leaflet campaign against them. Turf wars can ruin neighbourhoods and bring
down property values, which will be detrimental for our own business in the long run.
It is my hope that these changes will start to improve
the reputation we get. I believe
that the public will be more sympathetic to our front line workers as well,
which will improve our profit margins exponentially. I hope you will take this overhaul in the
spirit it is intended, and that we can give this industry the facelift it
desperately needs and deserves.
Yours
T-Dawg
