You see, brand awareness is an important aspect of any genocidal warlord’s life. They say that half the battle is won in the mind, so it is always a great idea to promote yourself as a guy who shouldn’t be trifled with. Opponents will always feel the weariness of war before you take out their intestines and wear them as trendy scarves. But how do you build up a personal brand, I hear you ask? Well, there’s several methods through which you can achieve this.
|A terrified man reacts to my overwhelming personal brand|
Always be memorable. That’s my main philosophy. When I enter the battlefield, I don’t just tiptoe up to first guy whispering “shussssh” and try to chloroform him with a particularly sweaty pig. No, I stride into view like a man who belongs there, shouting about my huge bollocks and how I can swing them around to slay bears. Sometimes I like to arrive on the battlefield whilst riding a wave of enemy skulls. I’ve pinned an extra five legs onto my horse to make it look more demonic. You really need to work on your showmanship if you are going to be a successful warlord.
Fire is always a good framing tool for your military campaigns. Leave a long, snaking trail of fire through the paths of destruction you cause. This looks especially impressive at night and serves as free advertising. This works even better if you can spell your name in ten foot high flames on any monument or civic structure you come across.
Also, chisel yourself a large collection of business stones. These should include your name, a means of contact, and a short slogan such as “Pillaging You Everyday”. Give these out to survivors and tell them how much you value their custom, or else you’ll eat their first born. Thank them for being passive in crowning you their high king. I tell you, a village in which you’ve already canvassed for support is far easier to rape.
There’s also a pioneering technique that I like to use called “social networking”. What this means is that you scratch messages into carrier pigeons (no more than 140 characters. Keep it simple, stupid!) that people can like. It helps your followers keep abreast of the latest gossip and mass murders you’ve committed and really helps to spread the word.
With these handy hints you’ll have constructed a positive personal brand to wow your friends with in no time. Just remember where to send those loyalty gold pieces to, or else you’ll be receiving a rather stern business card from me shortly. Fare thee well, hombres!