Saturday, 31 March 2012

A - Armageddon

What a wonderfully positive and upbeat topic to begin our A-Z month with, the topic of impending doom!  During my admittedly short lifetime (I’m 25), I lived through approximately 5 apocalypses.  I’m not sure what everyone’s worried about, they just seem to pass by like any other normal day if you ask me.  Still, the prospect of inevitable doom is intriguing to me.  The best movies, games and stories all involve a post-apocalyptic wonderland of some description.

This year sees another Armageddon looming over the horizon; the one that the Mayans predicted.  Or not predicted, as the case may be.  The theory that the end of the world is coming is mainly based on the fact that the Mayans didn’t produce any calendar dates past 21st December 2012.  Personally, I don’t think this is because they thought the world would cease to exist after this point, but more along the lines of them not being arsed to work out more dates.

People seem to struggle when figuring out what they’re going to do a few days in advance, let alone a few millennia.  Will Auntie Maggie really care if you forget her birthday several thousand years after you’ve both retired from life?  Probably, but it doesn’t seem like a pressing matter right now.

LEONARD BERNSTEIN!

Like many people, I like to believe that I’m rather smart.  Or at least, not a great stonking idiot in the slapstick sense of slipping on my own drool.  However, I lack the long term cognitive thinking which is often crucial to human survival.  If I don’t pay my rent, I fail to fully realise that I will be evicted in the future.  In the short term however, it seems like I have more money to spend, which seems like a good thing until the bailiffs arrive.  This is how I imagine the Mayan civilisation to have behaved, which probably explains why they collapsed.  They failed to come up with a long term plan.

When it comes to doomsday, no one seems to have predicted this more often than Nostradamus.  There was a doomsday in 2000, there was a doomsday on 9/11, a random doomsday in 2003, and the list goes on.  Every other day is doomsday day!  It seems to me that Nostradamus should have been a cult leader.  If you can convince enough people that the world is going to end, you can also convince those people to hand over their wallets, the keys to their Porsche, and then convince them to conveniently drink a cup of poison punch. 

It reminds me of the recent case with the cult leader who sold his believers pet care plans for after the rapture, so that people could have their pets cared for after they’d ascended into heaven.  The most striking part is that the police only arrested him for fraud AFTER the aforementioned death day failed to materialise.

With all this pointing and laughing, it’s inevitable that there will be an end of times at some point, and someone will probably predict it.  Baby-faced brainbox Brian Cox has predicted that the sun will die within 5 Billion years and, whilst this catastrophe seems a long way off, I reckon we ought to do the opposite of what the Mayans did and start making our preparations now.  If anyone wants their dogs walking once they’ve been crushed in a freezing gravitational sink hole, I’ll do it for £20 a month.

42 comments:

  1. Up until very recently, I was terrified of 2012, but it's here, and I got tired of fear. There's a small chance, I suppose. In which case, I would really like to get married before December. Fat chance, I know. It would have been nice to no longer put on my mask,shave my legs, get fat, and the lovely things one gets to do as a wife.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You don't a man in order to validate your slobbishness. Let yourself go! I've already begun by having a bath in cheese.

      Delete
  2. Wow! You're already at it aren't you?

    Anyway, I don't really buy into the whole "2012 end of the world" thing. I think it's just another way to get people to spend money on worthless books about the event that we have absolutely no concrete idea about.

    I've read a lot of theories regarding Dec 21 2012. Whether it'll be aliens taking over or finally visiting us, massive solar flares, planetary alignment, natural disasters, reversal of the poles, ice age etc. To be honest, they all seem plausible, we're due in for some action anyway.

    Personally I believe that the earth is a living organism, I'm kinda siding a bit into the "Gaia Theory" here, where the ice age, sea levels rising, volcanoes, tsunamis, viruses etc are just natural movements to keep itself in check. Much like how a human takes care of diseases with it's antibodies.

    In the even that it does happen then many years from now, the events that are to take place would be a bit like chinese whispers - distorted and miscontrued.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's an interesting theory, but does that mean that Earth is liable to all the foibles that normal people are, like jealousy, rage, or even lust? If so, we'll just have to hope that Mother Earth doesn't fall in love with Mars, because the honeymoon is going to be a real bitch for everyone on the planet.

      Delete
  3. Armageddon has arrived early for a change. I blame it all on a round planet and the sun (not the newspaper). Those Mayans, right trouble makers if you ask me, and Brian Cox he smiles too much which makes you think he knows stuff I don't.

    Anyway it is still Saturday here until tomorrow when I will post a lot of random A's that mean nothing because that is the sort of blogger I Am-a-getting...... HA HAHHAH HAHHA AH HAH HAH HAHAHHAHAH HAh

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Brian Cox does smile a lot. Perhaps when you think about the end of the universe as much as he does, mood elevators are the only way to get through the day.

      Delete
  4. I agree with you, I think the Mayans just stopped planning the calendar...I mean, they couldn't just keep writing it forever! I am also intrigued by the idea of the end of the world, and I think that when the end of ours eventually comes, we'll have had so many false predictions by then that we won't believe it's actually happening, until it's too late...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's like the boy who cried wolf, only replace the word "boy" with "millions of paranoid idiots", and "wolf" with "apocalypse".

      Delete
  5. Wait a second, I thought the A-Z Challenge was supposed to start in April. One day cheat.
    It's an Armageddon of rules up in this place.
    The only thing Nostradamus predicted accurately was another bowl of absinthe for him to drink that night.
    Good start regardless.

    ReplyDelete
  6. The only accurate prediction Nostradamus made was that he was going to have another bowl of absinthe that night and every other night after that.
    I thought that the challenge was supposed to start in April. Jumping the gun or just getting ahead?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Neither. The challenge excludes Sunday posting, so the first post is supposed to be Saturday the 31st. I should have mentioned, but like an idiot, I assumed that everyone on Earth was fully versed in the A-Z challenge rules. Apologies.

      Delete
    2. I'll have to correct you on that comment bro, go to the link and read the first question:

      http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/p/frequently-asked-question-faq.html

      Delete
    3. Damn it, I'm sure I read that somewhere. Never mind.

      Delete
  7. Interesting take on life--but you're young. My writing partner and I have written four books about the future after a comet hit Earth in 2027. I sure hope it doesn't happen.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sounds like a prediction to me. If it doesn't happen, I'll sue you!

      Delete
  8. Armageddon's nothing.Legageddon's another thing though...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Legageddon might take a long time to kick in though, but once it has a foot in the door, it'll run away with us.

      Delete
  9. ah lovely A
    here is mine
    http://pa-ul.blogspot.com/search/label/GAC%20A-Z%20Artists

    ReplyDelete
  10. The clock is ticking... not in a good way!

    Great start... to the challenge "A" is for Awesome!
    Jeremy [Retro-Zombie]
    A to Z Co-Host
    IZOMBIE: Visit the Madness

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hi Addman .. crumbs what a thought - I think I'll enjoy my sunny day - and when something happens accept that wrap up .. cheers Hilary

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hi! I'm hopping over from the A to Z challenge. Your post made me laugh and has some good points to it! Good luck with the challenge!

    Donna Martin
    www.donasdays.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  13. Wow, so I swear I didn't copy your topic.

    Anyway, excellent start to the A-Z Challenge. I'm looking forward to the next doomsday panic so the job market opens up again.

    ReplyDelete
  14. LOL. Enjoyed your post. And, yeah, the armageddon - it's not the end of the world, is it?

    ReplyDelete
  15. How could I not follow a Muppet? Great start to the challenge.

    Karen

    ReplyDelete
  16. Cookie Monster and the mushroom cloud... priceless!

    I keep hearing the song Armageddonit [or however the heck it is spelled] as sung covered by a muppety death metal band. Wish you could hear it too!

    Violet @ Revolution ~ Evolution

    ReplyDelete
  17. Thanks for the touch of humor. And the snark. =D

    http://weavingataleortwo.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  18. Discovered your blog through this challenge, and I loved your "A" post. Personally, I thought Armageddon happened when Snooki got pregnant...but that's just me ;).

    Good luck with the rest of the challenge!!

    ReplyDelete
  19. I agree with Meredith - Snooki pregnant was definitely the first sign of the forthcoming end of the world. Definitely loved the sarcasm. Great post and Happy A-Z challenge!

    ReplyDelete
  20. I agree with Meredith - I definitely think Snooki getting pregnant is the first sign of the forthcoming end of the world. Definitely loved the sarcasm. Great post and Happy A-Z challenge!

    ReplyDelete
  21. This is the apocalypse I've been waiting for 12/12/12...how can those Mayans be wrong...

    ReplyDelete
  22. Personally, I think the Mayan's arsed up when they predicted it on 12/12/12.

    11/11/11 is WAY cooler, and full of 1s, which is the easiest number to count to. 1. Done. 1. Done...

    ReplyDelete
  23. You really think Brian Cox is baby-faced? I think his features are far too wide-set for that descriptor. Baby face squashed against a window, maybe.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Great 1st post. I don't really count on Dec 21 2012 to be the end. I've lived through at least 3 end of the world's, what's another one?

    ReplyDelete
  25. What a brilliantly witty first post. Had my laughing throughout it all. I totally agree with you on the whole Mayan prophecy thing. Just because their calendar stopped at this date, doesn't mean the world will end. They probably just couldn't be bothered or there are other theories like their obsession with thirteen cycles or whatever. I can't really remember. Aslong as I'm sitting in the cinema on the 21st of December watching the new Hobbit film and not down a hole somewhere I really don't care.

    My mother would shake your hand and probably give you the biggest hug for mentioning Brian Cox. I think she has a slightly HUGE obsession with him! I'm looking forward to your posts throughout the month :)

    ReplyDelete
  26. Nostradamus? He was about as accurate as your daily horoscope is! lol

    I don't sweat the doomsday claims as much as I used to. I do keep an eye out for Iranian and North Korean missle launches though!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Seriously? £20 a month? Have you underestimated inflation over 5 billion years or what?

    ReplyDelete
  28. LOVE the Muppets. My personal feeling; when it all ends none of it will be predicted, Mayan or otherwise. Looking forward to more as we continue through the A to Z.
    A2ZMommy and What’s In Between

    ReplyDelete
  29. Endings must come in all things. Deep aren't I?

    Teresa

    ReplyDelete
  30. Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! The sun is going to burn out in 5 billion years?! I'm not ready. I haven't picked out anything to wear. Maybe something in a nice paisley, or perhaps a plaid. Ooooh, a kilt. I think a kilt would be a lovely end of days outfit. Nothing says I'm ready like a little breeze on the "boys".

    Nice start. I'm playing along at home. Sort of.

    ReplyDelete
  31. I'm with R.E.M.: When Leonard Bernstein again walks the Earth, then we'll have something to fear. Until then? I'll horn in on your business and offer to water people's plants.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Thanks for all the support and great comments. I will get around to looking at all of your stuff soon, as I'm on holiday at the moment and don't have that much time. I appreciate it all, I swear.

    ReplyDelete

Leave me a nice comment or die trying.