Friday, 23 March 2012

The Budgiet

Good afternoon.  You join us today as Chancellor "Prettyboy" Toskin is about to take to the perch and deliver his budgiet for 2012.  He is expected to take dramatic steps with austerity measures as a result of the recent Millet Crunch.  We hand over to the Chancellor now:

'My cabinet and I have put together a growth plan which will benefit the Beakonomy,without being unfair to the general public, and those on lower seed ratios.


The Chancellor, taking to the perch earlier

Fuel duty is to rise by 500%, with immediate effect.  This is to encourage citizens to fly to work rather than drive, and will ease the strain of the oil shortage.  Congestion will decrease as a result, and public health will be at an all time high.  Sky high, in fact.

There will be a freeze on Millet rises for public sector workers coming into effect at the end of the year.  I understand that times are hard and we all have chicks to feed, but the time has come for you to stand on your own perches for a change.

The budgiet for elderly services is to be cut by 50%.  Any citizen over the age of 10 will receive a modest state pension, but will have been expected to top this up with a private Trill fund.


Trill:  Get your own!

Expectant mothers will have Egg Leave cut to two weeks rather than three.  The government believes that this will encourage chicks to fly the nest earlier and get parents back to work quicker.

A new tax is to be introduced which will effect all the high flyers who have stockpiled resources for the coming winter.  The "High Flyer" tax will affect those who earn more than 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 grains of seed in a single day.  This wealth will be distributed back to those in society who really need it, such as peck victims, and those with scaly face.

The government will invest in cage insulation by researching sand sheet technology, and offering extra help for cageowners who still have newspaper flooring.  At night times, we will encourage our citizens to cover their cages with a sheet, to protect against cold.

That's all for now.  If you have any concerns over the Budgiet, feel free to Chirp my private secretary with the hash tag #IDontGiveAFlap.  I assure you that these measures are for the security of our beakonomy, and to keep our citizens with fresh sand sheets in their homes.

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On another note, I've won awards again!  Well, it's the same award, but given to me by two different people.  As part of the award, I must link back to the people who gave it to me , so thanks to Shay and Flip for giving it to me.



I also need to link to 10 other Bloggers who I feel deserve the award.  I'll try and nominate some people who I haven't given awards to before, but there may be a few returning people:

The Slightly Eccentric Diary Of Rob Z Tobor - I wish I had more to say about this Blog, but he pretty much sums it up in the title.  Brilliantly surreal, even if his mum thinks he's an IDIOT.

Ash-Matic Does Things - A fast rising Blog, and deservedly so because he's fantastically hilarious.  Ash has a great knack for taking the small things in life and making them seem comically daft.

Buttons Are Not Currency - Great writer who is both eloquent and amusing in a way I wish I could be.  I've not been a follower for long, but I feel compelled to offer an award.

Elton Says Things - Elton says lots of amusing things, most of which are swear words.  He is the go-to guy for angry stuff, but he is versatile in the range of topic he covers.

I'd Like Cheese On My Entire Family - The title of this Blog may imply that her family are made of nachos, but JRose deserves an award for her amusing drawings and great posting style.

MayorGia - Queen of various talking animals, MayorGia is a fun, light-hearted Blog about animals, but takes a sinister side when she beats her boyfriend until he posts.

The Incoherent Ramblings Of A Moose - If you enjoy infanticide, this Blog is for you!  Actually, that makes it sound bad, whereas this Blog is brilliant in every sense.

Stuff My Daughter Says - I'm not sure whether I should award this to Kevin Routh, or his daughter who provides the imagination and inspiration for this Blog.

Chiz Chat - Another fast-rising star of the Blogging world.  I don't know how he posts so often, but he manages in a day or two the kind of writing that takes me a week.

Drone - Awesome Blogger, but seems to be on hiatus at the moment.

At the moment I am preparing for the Blogging A-Z challenge which starts on March 31st.  As a result, I won't be posting any new material until this time.  I understand that this is a traumatic time for you all, but rest assured that April will be full of wonder, magic and ...wonder.

17 comments:

  1. Yay! Thank you!!
    I'd love to do the A-Z thing, but the real world keeps demanding my attention, so my posts are going to fall off for a bit. I trust the increased frequency of your own posts will maintain the absurd balance of the internet though!

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  2. I love puns. LOVE 'em. But I may be on pun overload with this one. Nope, still loved it. The 1% pecked and clawed their way to the top...or so they would have you believe. Some of them were hatched at a higher perch than the rest of us and left a generous nest egg.
    Congrats to you and the winners.

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  3. I've had plenty of parakeets (or budgies?), but they've proven themselves useless in surviving on their own. I always had to intervene when it came to their policies and public affairs. I just want a pet that can run a self-sustaining government.

    Anyway, thanks for the award! I probably won't post it tonight as I'm a bit busy, but I'll get it on my blog sometime next week.

    Too bad I won't be able to read any new posts from you until April, but I suppose I should get on that too. I've only completed 4 extremely lackadaisical posts for the A-Z Challenge so far.

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  4. And see? I always thought birds were anarchists. You'll always learn something new at Muppets for Justice.

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  5. As one who owned various parakeets as a child, I approve of this message.

    Now, when are the Budgies going to riot in the sky?

    -Barb the French Bean

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  6. Oh I do love a good pun me.

    What will I do without My Muppets For Justice Posts eh?! Meh, it looks like it's back to smoking crack then...

    And thank you soooo much for the award and a MASSIVE congratulations to you!
    A well deserved award for an extremely versatile writer.

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  7. I won an award!?! Why didn't I know about this. I suppose living in a cave has its disadvantages.

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  8. You are so funny! Good take on our government's proposals, in a new way.

    Also funny is that I too have awarded you a Versatile Blogger award, but in a different way. Please check my site for details. People will be coming by (I hope) today! Clean your house! Fold the laundry!

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    1. Thank you very much! Forgive my ignorance, but I don't think I've ever read your Blog before. This is an oversight which I will remedy shortly. Thanks again.

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  9. So many awards. Oh well, awards are cool.

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  10. Just a quick one to say, thanks for all the great comments. I love it when the comments are just as much fun as the post itself, and you folks always ensure that is the case.

    I just want to point out that I now have Facebook page for Muppets For Justice, so for those of you who are into your scrotal networks or whatever they're called, you can follow me on there. Just click on that giant blue F at the top of the page, and click "Like".

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  11. Man, Chancellor Prettyboy has it all figured out. Meanwhile, my father-in-law's 'chancellor' is more like a prisoner. He knows that if he screams at us, we'll give him food. Or if we walk anywhere near his cage, he'll bite the bars in aggression. He is not a happy bird. Clearly our penal system (hee hee) is lacking.

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  12. I'm going home for Easter holiday and I swear if I hear the words Austerity Measures, I'm going to take a warm bath with a razor blade!!

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  13. Congrats on the award. This is a great post. I enjoy reading your writing and your blog.

    www.modernworld4.blogspot.com

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  14. Thanks so much!! I'm honored!

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  15. @Beer - I think you have the right idea, locking up your political leaders behind bars.

    @Anne - I'll start planning the funeral now then.

    @Gina - Thanks, is about all I can say. Hope you enjoy it here.

    @Gia - You're most welcome, thanks for stopping by.

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