Thursday, 24 May 2007

Pianist Enlargement

Every so often, I end up having a random IM conversation that I can never quite figure out how and why it went in the direction it did. Yesterday evening was one of those times, as I was speaking to Fort over MSN. Fort is very much into pianist enlargements, and hopes to enlarge his own pianist someday, possibly to a gargantuan size. As we discussed the pros and cons of pianist enlargements, we came to the conclusion that, for science to justify the advancement of pianists to the next level, it would also have to benefit society as a whole. Here's the discussion that took place:

Fort: We should discuss pianist enlargements, and how they would effect global issues.
Fort: Pros and cons.
Addman: Pros - Larger pianists could be used for spectacular aid concerts.
Fort: Cons - They'd eat all the rice.
Fort: Pros - A large enough pianist would be able to collect rainwater in it's reservoir-sized belly button.
Addman: Cons - A pianist that size would cause tectonic plates to shift.
Fort: Pros - Stool manufacturing would benefit.
Addman: You mean piano stools, right?
Fort: Yes of course, piano stools.
Fort: Gah! It still sounds bad that way too!
Fort: Cons - For stools that size, the rainforests would have to chopped down.
Addman: Cons - Many elephants would be slaughtered for the ivory on their keyboards.
Addman: Pros - More room in zoos for Platypusses.
Fort: Pros - The Pianists could be an alternative food source for starving children.
Addman: Pros - They could also pull huge ploughs between aid concerts.
Fort: Cons - They'd crush the land underfoot.
Addman: Cons - They'd put Jamie Cullum and Elton John out of business.
Fort: Pros - See above.
Addman: You know, I'd love to see a world with enlarged pianists.
Fort: A man can dream, a man can dream.

Shittiest Movie Of The Week

(Thanks Fort) Kung Pow: Enter The Fist is everything that humour isn't. I sincerely hope that the director and his family are given restraining orders against cameras or film-making equipment after this massive mistake. You can find the full movie on YouTube here, but if you just want highlights, there's a clip of all the "Funny bits" right here.

I only managed to get half an hour into this before I found myself imagining I was watching the vastly superior Kung Fu Hustle instead. Make it a challenge to see how far you can get through this (WARNING: It may help if you are wasted first).

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