Addman MC: In Ya Fridge

Yo yo yo, word up ma homies. For those wondering where I've been, I've been involved in a few other writing projects here, there and everywhere. As such, my creative writing juices have been spent like a virgin's first load, leaving me little to spew here. As much as it saddens me, I will be focussing my attentions elsewhere, so after this, consider the blog on temporary hold from me. Fort may or may not do updates, but I understand that he has educational commitments.

So on with the show. I recently took time out to visit a Facebook group of badass gangsta rappers, where I was obviously within my element, joining my fellow MCs in death defying feats of lyrical agility. After sampling a few of their lukewarm "Flavas", I decided that they really need to taste some of my own gormet riddims and began to engage them in battle. Some of them were ruthless, some of them were mean, but all of them fell by the wayside. Here's Addman MC, coming at atchya, like gorgonzola! Yo!

First off, I posted on the group's wall to introduce myself and to see how nicely my fellow rappers would accept me. Here's my first post:

"Yo yo yo, aww you done did it now! Son, you about to schooled!

See, all you wannabes can say what you like,
But yo skills're worth nuttin' next to mine on the mic,
Graham Supermarket, keep on stacking those cans,
Imma hit you from behind, into the frozen hams,
Mr Harris, you ain't worth shit to us bros,
Imma dress you in a boob tube like you're one of ma hoes,
Tim Cammack, you sure you wanna battle?
Cos' when I take to the stage I'm roundin' y'all up like cattle!
As for pierre, what the hell're you on?
Dragonballs in yo' pic, damn you're shit is da bomb! (Sarcastic!)
You better check on yo sister, I'm sure that you missed her,
Cuz she's suckin' on ma dick, while I stand here and diss ya,
She's got a blister on her fist from pounding on ma sphincter,
So you should shut up before I get MC Hammer to kiss ya,
Peace out, pussays!"

Not my best, but I'm sure you'll agree DAT IZ SOM HOT SHIT! I referenced a lot of people who were posting on the wall, sure that they would acknowledge me and hail me with gratitude for enriching their lives with my rhymes. But alas, trouble was aloof. A fellow named Pierre had another idea:

"New definition of fag, Names Addman
He the type of dude that talks to boys and chop sex toys
That sock from my mouth gonna hit you over the head
"Clean up in alise three" Now this adam is dead
You a graham, im a fully kilo, yu superhoe
better off getting brandon to ghost write your flow
Ill rip you Harris like a fresh wet tisue
Couldn't back up your lyrics this is why I had to diss you
Leave the group right now, cuz I surely wouldn't miss you
With every single line, Yonge Kane has just dismissed you
Don Mac! Leaving all the mothers speechless
I dont give a fuck, I teach this, this is the thesis
I piss in the Supermarket halls dumb fuck
You got a trolley, go and park it, cuz your Running out of luck
Not only that, but you seem to only e running your mouth
Have 50 goons with me, who dun ready to run up in yo house
If I didn't mention you now, then it wont be lata
Got yo whole crew in a Lox, like Alkada Jada
aHHHA!"

I shall not stand for this discrepancy. Pure heresy I declare!

"A'ight, you low ass, trippin' fools, time to teach you what time it is!

Y'all better get ready, I've got a machette,
I'm cutting straps off yo dresses, bitch, stop acting petty,
Pierre Mc Allister, dressed up in drag,
And he has the audacity to call ME a fag!
I heard his best dress is a Louis Vitton,
But he doesn't wear it because he put a bit of weight on,
You are such a n00b you make me L.O.L,
OMFG WTF A/S/L?!?
Imma spawn camp yo mama, how'd like that?
Pow! Right in the kisser! Straight off the bat!
I don't need a beat, all I need is piece,
Mac 22 foo' and I'm disruptin' the peace,
I'll pull up outside your local pub, The Golden Fleece,
I'll fill everyone who looks like you with lead from my beast,
Then I'm off in sunset, ridin' ma pimped out scooter,
But they'll never catch me, cuz no one even saw the shooter,
Cos I'm like a ghostly ninja, you won't know I'm there,
Till I scalp ya and run away wearing ya hair!

Mother Lover yo!"

Anyway, this Pierre loser was obviously not worth my time so I posted another just to show how great I was:

"Yo, y'all be spitting that shit yo,
None of y'all got skills, y'all like a ho,
Bitch shut yo mouths up, you damn crazy fools,
None y'all can step to me, you just ain't as cool,
Y'all better be ready, I fly past, y'all wave
Cos I'ma take a leaf from my man, Flava Flav,
We be tokein' up tha highway, tearing shit up to wrecks,
With' grandfather clocks strapped round our fuckin' necks,
Me and tha Fresh Prince gonna bust you up man,
Me, Will and Vanilla Ice have concocted a plan,
To jump you outside of Spar, or Kwik Fit,
You nitwit, dipshit, gonna be throwin' a fit,
Armpit!

LMAO!"

Of course, these low ass trippin' foo's just didn't know when they were beaten. A chap named Peter N called me a pussy and challenged me to a battle. Here's how it went down:

"Yo Peter N, I'm callin' you out man! Let's spit this shit right here right now. Raps can be as long as you like, but I'm warning you man, when I get serious, peeps be runnin' fo' their rides!

Ok, yo, yo gimmie a beat.

Peter N, I heard what you been sayin',
You got beef wit me, let's get straight to the slayin',
I'm gonna charge up like I'm a super saiyan,
And blow you smelly peeps up who all be playin',
Me and ma crew are gonna jump you,
Jump out of a sewer, and you won't have a clue,
Yeah, we don't care about getting dirty,
Whereas you can't take an insult without gettin' shirty,
You are scared of woodland creatures, like squirrels in your sneakers,
Don't act like a coward or I'll be all up in your peepers,
I'ma put you in a room and make you watch Jeepers Creepers,
And then the sequel after, you won't dare go to sleepers,
Cos that's when we'll get you, we'll come at you in your dreams,
We can do that, bitch, and we'll fill your head with steam,
Yeah, we'll do our ironing on your brain, how'd you like that?
Then we'll jump up and down in it, and make it all flat,
Like a cow pat,
Yo!"

Eventually, the dastardly Peter C surfaced with venom in his teeth:

"Addman, calm down u 2 lame man/
A piece of gum stuck n dis fuckin game man/
Talkin bout slayin, sprayin, n goin super saiyan/
I'm a SSJ4 nigga! Better start prayin/
Ur style is 2 old ,just like a cave man/
Ill wreck u every day man, dis game aint 4 play man/
Leave u with missing body parts, floks will call u Rayman/
Slap u in da face, then backhand u with da same hand/
U a brave man, but yo raps I pity/
U jumpin outta sewers proves yo style is shitty/
Cow pat? Cmon dawg u wasting ya lines/
Call it quits bitch cuz ya just wasting my time/"

Then he came out with the following:

Peter C: "squirrels in my sneakers? going to sleepers? ironing my brain? cmon now dawg u gotta make more sense than that! I hope that was a practice rap"

"Yo, yo, yo, here we go,

I was warming up man, but now I'm white hot,
I'll be all over you like used tickets in a parking lot,
You think that I am whack, then look back at yoself,
Did you put that rhyming dictionary back on the shelf?
I'm just professin' that I think you need a new profession,
Take yo' ass to the clergy and you can give confession,
Just make sure you don't give the choir boys a centre partin',
While they sucking on you dawg, and you're pleasurably fartin',
Don't take it personally man, if it weren't for this rap game,
We wouldn't have no beef and I wouldn't know your name,
But since we're here, I'ma make sure to destroy you,
With ma shoulder missles man, and land mines deployed too,
I'm like a lyrical transformer, a brother in disguise,
You stepping up to me, I crush your head in my metal thighs,
I'm badder than Megatron, more evil than Knievel,
Whereas you a pansy ass, low down weevil,
That Rayman insult man, what the fuck was that?
Rayman's a superhero, and he kicks ass, you twat."

Yes, I knew I had him! I debunked him and made a reference to gay clergymen, this is surely the post of kings!

Unfortunately, I then found myself banned. BANNED! ME! I guess the group just wasn't ready for amazing skills.

Anime Conventions

So for next year a couple of friends have convinced me to go to an Anime Con with them down in London, I am not a great fan on Anime - and then main reason I'm going is I enjoy spending time with my friends - but there are a few things I fear, being surrounded by Japanese porn lovers, fat men dressed as Sailor moon, and those socially ostracized enough that saying hello to them will cause them to break down into tears.
Alright, call this a bland and cruel generalization of those in the Western World that enjoy Anime and attend its social (oxymoron) gatherings - but let's face it, amongst all the normal people I may be meeting there will be a select group of people that will scare the Ba-jebus out of you or me.
Let me just dig myself out of the deep hole I am no-doubt digging myself into, people that enjoy anime are fine - I know many anime lovers that are perfectly normal and often quite smart (I'm beginning to sound like Freud here). But anime-cons are "per say" where the funnies come out. Like Goth-festivals or E3, you will have your extremists, and what's more these people are STRANGERS, causing the terror in your gut to expand ten-fold as they explain to you their fascination with Sailor Moon's pantylining in Season 3.

However I am one step ahead of these funnies when I attend this Anime-con, almost a year ahead of them in-fact! I already have bought my Monocle and Top hat, and once I get my wooden cane of backside whipping from Amazon - I can knock any of the terrifying approaches back with one swift stroke and the phrase "Not today, not in my Blighty!"

Damn it's great being normal.