Song Dissection – Paolo Nutini Edition

Hello and welcome to another edition of our long running song dissection series.  In this edition, we’re going to analyse the latest effort of sunshiney vagrant, Paolo Nutini.  With his new song Scream, Paolo is trying to transform himself from the world’s happiest jazz hobo to the world’s sexiest jazz hobo. Let’s scrutinise the song until it doesn’t mean anything anymore:

How was I to know you’d just come along?

(And funk my life up)

Fair enough.  Someone who is really into funk has found their way into Paolo’s life.  I’ve been waiting for someone to come along and slap bass my life up, but I’ve had little luck on that front.

Lips like they’ve been singing sexed up strawberry songs

(Just funk my life up)

I can’t think of that many sexed up strawberry songs.  Perhaps they are folk songs that local strawberry pickers used to sing to keep their spirits up, and their libidos.

Never heard it coming, thought it’s just another woman

With a shotgun in her hand

(Funk my life up)

Looks like Paolo has had a few encounters with dangerous, shotgun-toting women in the past.  He must be attracted to the daughters of Italian mafia bosses or something.  Maybe even an assassin.  Interestingly, he sounds rather unconcerned about the situation.  “Oh it’s just another woman come to blow my brains out with a shotgun.  Happens every Tuesday.”

She’s the bass, she’s the beat, she’s the rhythm, she’s the band

(Just funk my life up)

And she’s also part of a one-woman band!  Being an assassin must be difficult if you have a bass drum strapped to your back and symbols on your knees.

And the girl, so fine

Makes you wanna scream Hallelujah

Sounds like she’s a vicar too.

Sly hands, spinning webs like silk

Beats are dripping on me, like spider milk

This line is actually rather easy to dissect.  Basically, being the derelict superstar that Paolo Nutini is, he lives in a leaky basement and milks spiders for a living.  It’s a nice little earner that tides him over between albums.  He comes from a long line of spider milkers; it’s been in his family for generations.  Just ask Wikipedia.

And I never heard the warning when I woke up this morning

With my sunshine on a drip

Obviously he doesn’t mean that literally.  There’s no way that you could have sunshine on a drip, as that would be impractical and absurd.  No, “sunshine” in this case is a slang term meaning something else entirely.  He’s actually referring to the tropical drink Sunny Delight.

She’s my rock, she’s my bud, she’s tequila, she’s a trip

She’s also a shape shifter.

And that girl, so fine

Makes you wanna scream Hallelujah

How can I refuse? I’m not fit to chose

(Just funk my life up)

I said the only way I win is the way I lose

(Just funk my life up)

He’s definitely been to Vegas then.

And I never got the script, I unzipped

Got a little bit wet up in my brain

This can happen if you don’t get any excess water out of your ears with a Johnson’s baby bud. Always make sure to clean your ears after bath time.

She’s your church, she’s your sin, she’s atomic,

she’s the oh she’s the rain

And the girl, so fine you wanna scream

Yeah, yeah

She gets me silly, she’s like a trick on me

Hell, I don’t even know her name but yet she sticks to me

Then she should try showering more.  Dirty, sticky girl.

And in the climax she would scream with me

Yeah, she sticks to me

She gets me funny, she doesn’t want none of my money

So I pour it over her like gasoline

Yep, that’s a normal part of the courtship process; the gasoline pouring.  Whenever I want our relationship to move onto the next level, I always make sure to pour diesel all over my girlfriends.  Oddly enough, this usually occurs towards the end of the relationship.

Light a match and then I’m back in my teens

Me and super girl smoking my green

Me and super girl smoking my green

Now he’s cajoling Superman’s daughter into the sinister world of drug abuse.  I doubt it is for medical purposes.  Super Girl never gets sick.

Unload, reload, eyes back swinging,

Sweet thing, knows things, Jeff Beck sings

I think Paolo is a little confused.  His crazed ramblings have more in common with Beck than Jeff Beck.  I’m sure Beck probably wrote a few of these lines for him.

Roundhouse, going down…… Let’s go!

And the girl so fine makes you wanna scream Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Yeah, the girl, so fine, you wanna scream

So to sum up, Paolo Nutini’s life as a spider milker was interrupted by a shapeshifting assassin who came to kill him, but instead they fell in love.  Paolo then tried to pour petrol all over her as a show of commitment, which caused their relationship to break down.  On the rebound, Paolo started a relationship with a superhero’s daughter, and they spent their days getting high on weed and Sunny D.

If that isn’t enough to convince you that all music is worthless, I don’t know what is.

Song Dissection – Beck Edition

Hello friends!  Welcome to another Song Dissection, my series of post mortems on popular music.  Today, I shall be cracking open another Beck song in the form of Devil’s Haircut.

Now, Beck is quite simply a riddle trapped in an enigma, hidden inside a Where’s Wally picture.  Trying to discern some sort of sense from a Beck song is like trying to knit custard, but nevertheless, I shall attempt it.

Something's wrong 'cause my mind is fading
Alzheimer’s is a terrible affliction.  I extend my deepest condolences to Beck’s family.

And everywhere I look
There's a dead end waiting
This sounds like someone has left Beck in a hedge maze.  That is totally a dick move to do to someone with Alzheimer’s.  I take back what I said earlier, not cool Beck’s family, not cool.

Temperature's dropping at the rotten oasis
An oasis, by definition, is an idyllic sanctuary in otherwise inhospitable surrounding.  A rotten oasis cannot be an oasis.  Sounds more like a cesspool to me.

Stealing kisses from the leperous faces
So Beck has gone down to his local plaguepit to sexually assault the ill and infirm.  Wow.

Heads are hanging from the garbage man trees
Beck needs to watch his step.  It would appear that a serial killer inhabits this part of town, and I doubt he’d take kindly to the surprise kissing that Beck is subjecting everyone to.

Mouthwash jukebox gasoline
Is this a shopping list? I doubt you could pick up these items at the cesspool.

pistols are pointing
At a poor man's pockets
This would be more threatening if the poor person is wearing those pockets at the time.  At this point, I’m guessing that the gunman is the same fellow who hung those heads on the garbage tree.  He seems even more mentally unhinged than Beck, and Beck is coming across like a forgetful rapist at this point.

Smiling eyes ripping out of his sockets
Yep, definitely unhinged.

Got a devil's haircut in my mind
Got a devil's haircut in my mind
Got a devil's haircut in my mind
Got a devil's haircut in my mind
What does the devil’s hair actually look like?  In all the satanic depictions I’ve seen/drawn/conjured up through black magic, he’s always been bald.  I think it’s safe to assume that Satan is a slaphead, so unless he’s taken to wearing a variety of fancy hairpieces, this line is utter bollocks.

Love machines on the sympathy crutches
The last things we need are mobile love testers.  Giving them crutches will grant them mobility, and they’ll chase us down the street trying to eat our fingers and telling us how hot we are.

Discount orgies on the dropout buses
Why was I not informed about this?

Hitching a ride with the bleeding noses
I hope these noses are attached to people, and not just disembodied bleeding noses giving people rides around town.

Coming to town with the brief case blues
This is the most sensible line in a verse of utter nonsense.  I think we should discard this verse as it does nothing the narrative whatsoever.  I want to hear more about Beck the rapist vs the cesspool serial killer!  That was just getting interesting.

Got a devil's haircut in my mind
Got a devil's haircut in my mind
Got a devil's haircut in my mind
Got a devil's haircut in my mind
Back to this again.  NEXT!

Something's wrong 'cause my mind is fading
We’ve already covered this Beck, remember?  Oh no, I forgot, you’ve got Alzheimer’s!  Hahahah!

Ghetto-blasting disintegrating
I think it’s time for a new ghetto blaster in that case.  In fact, invest in an MP3 player or something.

Rock 'n' roll, know what I'm saying
According to Wikipedia, rock and roll (often written as rock & roll or rock 'n' roll) is a genre of popular music that originated and evolved in the United States during the late 1940s and early 1950s.  So yes, I do know what you’re saying.

And everywhere I look
There's a dead end waiting
Still in that hedge maze I see.  I guess that hedge maze was installed at the cesspool, probably as some ill-advised attraction by the tourist board.

Got a devil's haircut in my mind
Got a devil's haircut in my mind
Got a devil's haircut in my mind
Got a devil's haircut in my mind

So, what have we learned from this blithering mess?  Basically, we know that Beck is a mentally challenged rapist (his words, not mine) who enjoys chasing disabled people around a hedge maze.  We also know that he has a nemesis who wants to decapitate him and hang his head on a garbage tree.  We’ve learned that life around the cesspool is brutal, especially for those with existing conditions.

If you’d like me to dissect a song, feel free to make suggestions in the comments below.

Song Dissection - Beck

So, here’s another Song Dissection for you.  This time I felt like a challenge, so I decided to tackle Beck – Loser, as suggested by Chiz.  Let’s see if we can discern some sort of narrative within this blithering mess:

In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey

Butane in my veins so I'm out to cut the junkie

-       OK, so we’ve established that Beck is a monkey that is addicted to hooking up Calor gas cylinders to his veins.  Quite why he decided to go into song writing is beyond me, but let’s continue.

With the plastic eyeballs, spray paint the vegetables

-       Two points.  One, if you have plastic eyeballs, you really need to change your doctor.  They should at least be giving you glass ones, or could probably resolve your ophthalmic needs with laser eye surgery. Two, I would never support a man who enjoys spray painting paraplegics.  It’s just cruel.

Dog food stalls with the beefcake pantyhose

-       I used to know a girl at school who smelled distinctly of bacon.  Not nice smoked bacon, but bacon that’s been spat out of a dog’s mouth and left on a windowsill for a month.  We eventually found out that this smell was caused by incontinence, and the fact that she didn’t change her undergarments.  The point I’m trying to make here is that if you own some pantyhose that smells distinctly of meat, it’s probably not a great item to keep around food preparation areas, even if you’re only selling dog food.  Food hygiene is important.

Kill the headlights and put it in neutral

Stock car flamin' with a loser and the cruise control

-       We’ve now established that Beck is not a great driver.  That’s probably how he got his plastic eyes.

Baby's in Reno with the vitamin D

Got a couple of couches sleep on the love seat

Someone keeps sayin I'm insane to complain

About a shotgun wedding and a stain on my shirt

-       Actually, I think he’s a got a right to complain about this marriage.  What kind of sick weirdo would force a blind monkey to marry their daughter?  Also, they could at least give him some clean clothes for the big day.

Don't believe everything that you breathe

-       So if I breathe in noxious fumes, they don’t necessarily exist?  Quick, pass the glue!  I have some school years to catch up on.

You get a parking violation and a maggot on your sleeve

-       Is that the punishment for a parking violation?  I’d take a maggot on my sleeve over a parking fine any day.

So shave your face with some mace in the dark

Savin' all your food stamps and burnin' down the trailer park

-       Sounds like a good night out to me.  Someone’s going to be hungover tomorrow!

Yo, cut it.

Soy un perdedor

I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?

-       I won’t kill you because assisted suicide is illegal, even if you are a blind monkey suffering from car crash injuries.

Soy un perdidor

I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?

Forces of evil in a bozo nightmare

Banned all the music with a phony gas chamber

-       Let’s take this back a step and contemplate what Beck is describing here.  He is imagining a post-apocalyptic world in which music, in all forms, has been outlawed.  Any kind of sonic output is punishable with bruising justice.  The standard sentence for a convicted musician is to put rounded up into concentration camps, pushed into a makeshift gas chamber, under the impression that they’re going to die.  Then, the whole thing turns out to be a hoax and streamers come out of the showers or something.  This is unimaginable cruelty.

'Cause one's got a weasel and the other's got a flag

One's got on the pole shove the other in a bag

-       Are these Christmas presents?  I’d be pretty pissed if my parents only bought me a flag or a pole for Christmas.  The weasel would be pretty cool though, although difficult to wrap.

With the rerun shows and the cocaine nose job

The daytime crap of a folksinger slob

He hung himself with a guitar string

-       Don’t know of many folk singers that have died a rockstar death, but there you go.

Slap the turkey neck and it's hangin from a pigeon wing

-       I assume this is an insult towards the wobbly bit of fat that some people have underneath their arms.

You can't write if you can't relate

Trade the cash for the beef for the body for the hate

-       This is the weirdest trade-up I’ve ever heard of.  He should start with a bottle of water and try and work his way up to a camper van.  Still, if I was Beck, I’d have stuck with the body.  It sounds like he needs a new one after that traffic collision.

And my time is a piece of wax, fallin' on a termite

That's chokin on the splinters

-       That’s an incredibly wretched life for that termite.  He might even rival Beck himself as the most severely disabled person in this song.

Soy un perdedor

I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?

(Get crazy with the Cheeze Whiz)

Soy un perdidor

I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?

(Drive-by body pierce)

Yo bring it on down

Sooooooy...

(Soy un perdedor I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?)

(I'm a driver, I'm a winner; things are gonna change, I can feel it.)

Soy un perdidor

I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?

(I can't believe you)

Soy un perdidor

I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?

Soy un perdidor

I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?

(Sprechen sie Deutches, baby)

Soy un perdidor

I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?

(Know what I'm sayin?)

-       These aren’t closing lyrics.  They’re more like spasms.

So what can we take from this song?  Well, Beck goes into great detail about a car crash which turned him into a partially-sighted simian, and repeatedly begs us to kill him.  Lovely!

If you have any songs you’d like to see dissected here, please let me know.

Song Dissection

Have you ever listened to a song, then realised that the lyrics are utter nonsense?  I have.  In fact, I've noticed a startling trend that most artists seem to be talking out of their arse. I understand that some of it can be attributed to artistic expression, but shouldn't our music at least be coherent?  Here’s an example of a particularly bad case, KT Tunstall’s Suddenly I See:

Let’s dissect this song and discover the levels of inexplicable gibberish hidden within:



Her face is a map of the world
Is a map of the world

- So I can throw away my road atlas and my GPS, and instead use a photograph of KT Tunstall for all my navigational needs?  Google Earth are probably trying to harness the power of her face in order to get live traffic data and up to the minute travel news.

You can see she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
And everything around her is a silver pool of light

- That silver pool sounds like leaking Mercury if you ask me.  I wouldn’t leave that unattended.

The people who surround her feel the benefit of it
It makes you calm

- That’ll be the Mercury poisoning.

She holds you captivated in her palm

- And she’s a giant?

Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be

- Yeah, because Mercury-shitting giants make fantastic role models...

Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me

I feel like walking the world
Like walking the world

- When I first heard this song, I misheard this lyric as “I feel like walking to work”.  My version makes a lot more sense as it’s a much shorter distance.  I don’t know how she expects to cross the oceans on foot, but good luck to her.

You can hear she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl

- Christ, now KT reckons you can actually listen to someone’s appearance.  In fact, I have the same problem when I meet hot women.  “I’m sorry?  I can’t hear you over your radiant beauty!”

She fills up every corner like she's born in black and white

- It would appear that she hasn’t been born in glorious Technicolor like the rest of us.  Also, “fills up every corner” suggests that she has similar properties to a liquid.  Poor black and white liquid baby.

Makes you feel warmer when you're trying to remember
What you heard
She likes to leave you hanging on her word

- Words are not solid enough to cling onto.  This is ludicrous.

Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me

And she's taller than most

- This supports the giant theory

And she's looking at me
I can see her eyes looking from a page in a magazine

- That’s a bit freaky.  I’m guessing that she went to the doctors to find out why she’s a giant, poison-emitting, uncoloured, liquid beast.  While she was in the waiting room, her eyes fell out and rolled into the reading material.  KT later found those peepers in a copy of Good Housekeeping.

Oh she makes me feel like I could be a tower
A big strong tower

- Yes, inspirational people make me feel like a defensive building too.  David Attenborough makes me feel like an army barracks, and Usain Bolt makes me want to be an aircraft hangar.

She got the power to be
The power to give
The power to see

- And yet, people are still waiting for Jesus to return?

Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me



Well that was a rabbit hole big enough to fit a whole asylum in.  As you can see, this is clear evidence that KT Tunstall should be sectioned, or at least restrained in some manner when appearing in public.  I hope this has been illuminating.



~~~Editors Note~~~

Hi.  I know I don’t often talk to you candidly on here, but I’d really appreciate your feedback on this.  I really enjoyed writing this post and I’d like to make this song dissection theme a semi-regular feature.  If you could spare a couple of minutes to let me know what you thought of it, I would be eternally grateful.  Remember, you don’t need a Blogger account to comment, so feel free to comment anonymously.  Alternatively, email me at addman_00@hotmail.com.  Thanks.