Monday, 14 July 2014

Song Dissection – Paolo Nutini Edition

Hello and welcome to another edition of our long running song dissection series.  In this edition, we’re going to analyse the latest effort of sunshiney vagrant, Paolo Nutini.  With his new song Scream, Paolo is trying to transform himself from the world’s happiest jazz hobo to the world’s sexiest jazz hobo. Let’s scrutinise the song until it doesn’t mean anything anymore:

How was I to know you’d just come along?

(And funk my life up)

Fair enough.  Someone who is really into funk has found their way into Paolo’s life.  I’ve been waiting for someone to come along and slap bass my life up, but I’ve had little luck on that front.

Lips like they’ve been singing sexed up strawberry songs

(Just funk my life up)

I can’t think of that many sexed up strawberry songs.  Perhaps they are folk songs that local strawberry pickers used to sing to keep their spirits up, and their libidos.

Never heard it coming, thought it’s just another woman

With a shotgun in her hand

(Funk my life up)

Looks like Paolo has had a few encounters with dangerous, shotgun-toting women in the past.  He must be attracted to the daughters of Italian mafia bosses or something.  Maybe even an assassin.  Interestingly, he sounds rather unconcerned about the situation.  “Oh it’s just another woman come to blow my brains out with a shotgun.  Happens every Tuesday.”

She’s the bass, she’s the beat, she’s the rhythm, she’s the band

(Just funk my life up)

And she’s also part of a one-woman band!  Being an assassin must be difficult if you have a bass drum strapped to your back and symbols on your knees.

And the girl, so fine

Makes you wanna scream Hallelujah

Sounds like she’s a vicar too.

Sly hands, spinning webs like silk

Beats are dripping on me, like spider milk

This line is actually rather easy to dissect.  Basically, being the derelict superstar that Paolo Nutini is, he lives in a leaky basement and milks spiders for a living.  It’s a nice little earner that tides him over between albums.  He comes from a long line of spider milkers; it’s been in his family for generations.  Just ask Wikipedia.

And I never heard the warning when I woke up this morning

With my sunshine on a drip

Obviously he doesn’t mean that literally.  There’s no way that you could have sunshine on a drip, as that would be impractical and absurd.  No, “sunshine” in this case is a slang term meaning something else entirely.  He’s actually referring to the tropical drink Sunny Delight.

She’s my rock, she’s my bud, she’s tequila, she’s a trip

She’s also a shape shifter.

And that girl, so fine

Makes you wanna scream Hallelujah

How can I refuse? I’m not fit to chose

(Just funk my life up)

I said the only way I win is the way I lose

(Just funk my life up)

He’s definitely been to Vegas then.

And I never got the script, I unzipped

Got a little bit wet up in my brain

This can happen if you don’t get any excess water out of your ears with a Johnson’s baby bud. Always make sure to clean your ears after bath time.

She’s your church, she’s your sin, she’s atomic,

she’s the oh she’s the rain

And the girl, so fine you wanna scream

Yeah, yeah

She gets me silly, she’s like a trick on me

Hell, I don’t even know her name but yet she sticks to me

Then she should try showering more.  Dirty, sticky girl.

And in the climax she would scream with me

Yeah, she sticks to me

She gets me funny, she doesn’t want none of my money

So I pour it over her like gasoline

Yep, that’s a normal part of the courtship process; the gasoline pouring.  Whenever I want our relationship to move onto the next level, I always make sure to pour diesel all over my girlfriends.  Oddly enough, this usually occurs towards the end of the relationship.

Light a match and then I’m back in my teens

Me and super girl smoking my green

Me and super girl smoking my green

Now he’s cajoling Superman’s daughter into the sinister world of drug abuse.  I doubt it is for medical purposes.  Super Girl never gets sick.

Unload, reload, eyes back swinging,

Sweet thing, knows things, Jeff Beck sings

I think Paolo is a little confused.  His crazed ramblings have more in common with Beck than Jeff Beck.  I’m sure Beck probably wrote a few of these lines for him.

Roundhouse, going down…… Let’s go!

And the girl so fine makes you wanna scream Hallelujah


Yeah, the girl, so fine, you wanna scream

So to sum up, Paolo Nutini’s life as a spider milker was interrupted by a shapeshifting assassin who came to kill him, but instead they fell in love.  Paolo then tried to pour petrol all over her as a show of commitment, which caused their relationship to break down.  On the rebound, Paolo started a relationship with a superhero’s daughter, and they spent their days getting high on weed and Sunny D.

If that isn’t enough to convince you that all music is worthless, I don’t know what is.


  1. I've never really taken the time to fully analyse a song but now I think I should. There are a lot of hidden and deep messages hidden in them about sordid lives and love affairs.

    1. It's funny how all the songs I analyse seem to be about sordid love affairs. Some say it reflects more on me, but I blame the music industry, with it's damn filthy lyrics and dirty hips.

  2. Wow, it sounds like he tried to write his lyrics as dirty as Vh1 will allow.

    1. He does come from a country that excels in innuendo. Given that, he really ought to try harder, orr err, how's your father?

  3. You can milk spiders? And here I was, just killing them like a jerk. Now I can harvest their sweet, sweet milk before I murder them with a flip flop. Thanks for teaching me something invaluable, Mr. Nutini.

    1. That's barbaric. Would you kill a cow with a flip flop? That would be quite amusing actually.

  4. DAMN I thought Nutini was the stuff I spread on my toast in the morning. I am seldom awake at breakfast, but I can see why he might Scream if he was being eaten for Breakfast.

    I do like Jazz . . . old Jazz like they did in the old days. . . Cos I'm OLD.

    1. Nutini always tastes better straight out of the jar, if you ask me.

  5. I think this finally gave me the pitch line I've been looking for to use for my life-coach business: "Let me slap-bass your life up." Of course this line will be said by my pitch man, Bootsy Collins.
    Would it take a lot to cajole Superman's daughter into drug abuse? She was born with impossible expectations. It's worse than when poor people name their child something like "Yahweh" or something similarly improbable to live up to.

    1. I think she'd become a drug abuser, getting high on crystal kryptonite every day. It makes you weak, but boy does it give you a rush! Then she'll come out of rehab and she'll start teaching kids in schools about the dangers of kryptonite.

      "This is your brain, and this is your brain on kryptonite!" *fries picture of a brain with heat vision*

  6. The spider milking industry is a ruthless one. I'm glad Nutini is trying to make it into the noble profession that it has the potential to be. I used to be one of the bad guys. Stealing milk bottles from spiderlings. Forcing ants into slavery to do the milking for me. I was a monster. But, I'm better now, so it's probably best I get involved in the music industry.

    1. I worked in the dairy spider industry for seven years. I always snuck in my camera to try and film the conditions in order to blow the lid off that whole corrupt operation. It never worked out for me, though.

      I still have nightmares about those little kids with bites all over their arms being forced to milk thousands of spiders a day...

    2. The conditions are disgusting. I knew a spider who got bitten by a radioactive milkman, and became Spider-Milkman. He died shortly afterwards.

  7. I've been tempted to join the spider milking industry myself, since my doctor says I need more calcium in my diet. But until they come out with chocolate soy spider milk or an almond lactose free soy spider milk, I'm going to hold out.
    Your argument's compelling, Addman. I'll never listen to music again.
    PS Thanks for the follow!

    1. Milking spiders probably wouldn't be as challenging as that guy who harvests moth balls. I see boxes of them in Walmart all the time.

    2. Could I interest either of you in organic spider milk? We only milk the happiest, male-spider-fed spiders.

    3. Really? Yeah, I'm in! Wait, are they free range?

    4. Yes. They were caged, but they just walked out between the bars.

  8. She's the "bass"?
    Maybe she's a fish.
    That would funk things up quite a bit.

    1. Ahhh, so he actually means "How was I to know you'd just come along and stink my life up with sweaty halibut". That makes a lot more sense.


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