A Few Pointers On Your Fanfiction

Dear SonicGurl92,

As a purveyor of the Internet’s filthiest fanfiction, I felt compelled to write to you after reading your incredibly heartfelt Sonic/Transformers slash fic.  While your words moved me in my many special places, I feel that you could use a little guidance on how to improve your erotic writing.  Your raw talent will blossom if you observe the following points:

1)  Sonic would never put a chilli dog up his own anus.  You need to think about the character’s motivations more often, as everyone knows that Sonic is a giver rather than a receiver.  His go-getting attitude and positive outlook would make him a person who is willing to do things to others rather than debase himself in such a manner.  Think about characterisation more and I’m sure your writing will become much more involved and informed.  On that same point, he wouldn't let his enemies take over the Green Hill Zone in exchange for "getting bummed in the gob".

My fanfic writing costume

2)  The part where Scooby Doo was getting done over by Captain America was really hot, but it really could have used a bit more description.  Don’t be afraid to elaborate on the small details.  You could have mentioned how the tag on Scooby’s collar was bouncing in time to the rhythmic thrusts.  It’s a neat little touch that really improves the realism of the story and helps people to imagine it in vivid detail.

3)  The phrase “Cured Beef” is not very sexy and is a very confusing opening gambit when describing a robot’s rectal passage.

4)  I really liked it when they visited Megatron’s family.  It was an interesting interlude before the main orgy.  However, why did the autobots start eating cake?  They don't even have digestive tracts.  You need to think these things through.

5)  You could have really used a subplot or two to try and prolong the story.  I really enjoyed the 248,000 words that you had already written, but as a fanfic fan, I don’t like to settle for a light read.  I don’t usually read a fanfic that is less than 300,000 words as a rule and I know many members of this community are even more demanding.  Perhaps next time you could throw in a few more crossovers such as The Raccoons, or those cute little monsters from Trap Door.

6)  The part where E.T. tried to give Tails a reach around is completely ludicrous.  In my own fanfiction titled "The Fabric Of Spaceghost’s Pants", I firmly established that E.T. is an asexual being who wanders the universe and gives pleasure to others with his magic finger.  If you’re going to use my characters at least follow the established lore behind them.  I don’t mind a bit of artistic license but this is taking the piss!

7)  The bit where Knuckles turned super was a bit stupid since he didn’t even have all of the chaos emeralds.

8)  While your writing is pretty decent, those horrible MSpaints were truly appalling.  I don’t mind seeing Bumblebee getting dinged up by a superfast hedgehog, but the poor image compression makes the action look like it has been censored out.  If you’re going to illustrate, I want to be able to see everything in glorious HD.

I know some of this might seem picky, but I truly believe that you will become a greater writer if you follow my advice.  If you would like some further tuition, my rates are extremely unreasonable.  Hope this helps!

~ETPhoneBoner