Monday, 13 August 2007

Hidden Achievements!

It has recently come to my attention that games developers have been putting secret achievements into their XBOX 360 games, which have very exceptional parameters to meet. This means that many games actually have 1500 points associated with them, rather than the usual 1000 we have been used to. Here's a list of all the known ones:

Gears Of War

250 Points: Convince someone over XBOX Live that pretending to bum-rape any downed characters isn't funny.

100 Points: Collect the fireflower, and kill 20 wretches with it before meeting Bowser in the castle at the end.

100 Points: Find a public server where all the players are legally old enough to play the game.

50 Points: Refuse to leave your cell at the beginning of the game, preferring the cosy living conditions and free satellite TV given in prisons.

Viva Pinata

250 Points: Dig a deep moat around Seedos, along with a picket fence around him, then direct a Juicygoose to shit on him from above.

250 Points: Breed Leafos with the Hobo.

Call Of Duty 2

100 Points: Beat Hitler in the secret Pool Mini Game.

100 Points: Throw a grenade around the world and kill yourself.

100 Points: Lay down in front of a Nazi tank as a form of non-violent protest.

100 Points: After taking heavy damage, quickly write a meaningful war poem so that students 50 years from now will have to study it in the future.

100 Points: Come to the realisation that war is a fruitless endeavour, even while admiring the Normandy Beach landing sequence.

Oblivion

200 Points: Successfully get killed by a mudcrab.

100 Points: Using a Dark Elf character, attempt to distingish yourself from the background at night, without turning up the brightness.

100 Points: Lead an invasion fleet into Morrowind.

100 Points: Find the Great Gold Blade Of Grass Of Mass Destruction, which can be found somewhere in the fields between Anvil and Cheydinhal.

Vampire's Rain

500 Points: Prove that the game has one, single redeeming feature.

Tenchu Z

250 Points: Take a step without encountering a gameplay-crippling bug of some sorts.

150 Points: Remember the old Tenchu games? Didn't they seem much better?

100 Points: Find an active game on XBOX Live.

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