For those who have been wondering about my marvellous adventures since my last update, don't. Just shut up and let me love you.
Addman Sells Out
Recently, I found myself as an admin for a Facebook group named Sarah's Law. It's a group that supports an early warning system for when children get themselves lost or kidnapped or something, I don't really know, I wasn't paying attention. Anyway, I'd almost forgotten about the group, until I recieved a private message from a one Benjy Dawson. Benjy is a businessman who had an indecent proposal for me:
"I’m just on your Group ‘SARAH'S LAW - Please Sign and help keep children safe.'. I can see that you have some 94,000 members which is fantastic.Naturally, of course I want to capitalise on a trusting campaign group by pushing unrelated items of clothing on them! 25p per sale sounds like an absolute goldmine! I'd probably earn £2 by the end of the year! I decided to see how long I could string Benji along until he realised that I was just wasting his time:
I own http://www.thehoodycompany
.com/. We sell top notch Hoodies. Now the proposal. If you would agree to send out a message to all your members to have a look at my site I would in return give you commission on every sale that that generated. Which you could inturn donate to a worthy cause for Sarahs Law
Usually our orders range from 100-1000 but in most cases we can safely say that they hit the 150 mark. Of your 94,000 members if we expect 0.25% order ( we find that I ranges from 0.1% to 3.5% ) that’s 235 orders at 150 hoodies per go. Which is 35,250 Hoodies in total
I’d like to offer you 25p commission on every hoody sold. Let me know what you think. It works well.You generate 8k
"That sounds like a wonderful proposal Benjy Dawson, but what kind of hoodies do you do? I take my position as admin of Facebook Sarah's Law very seriously, and I wouldn't want my members to start clicking on a link to an inappropriate hoody website and start to loose their unwavering respect towards me. I only want the best for my members, even when I'm making money off them.
Also, how would such a scheme work? Should I give each of my members a unique number (called a Sarah No.), then give you a list of all the 94,000 alphanumeric combinations so you know that these people have been directed to you from me?
Please let me know how we can proceed with this transaction.
"Of course i must agree!This is us-
Yes your members would quote Ref 'Addman's Great Hoodies' or something similar to that affect.
The team organiser would then get a free hoodie, as the incentive to quote your Ref.
how do you feel about that Addman?
All The Best,
"Excellent. I've already chosen what type of hoody I want. I want a mint green one that says "Mac Daddy" on it, and has silhouettes of gerbils on it in a variety of different action poses. Will your website accommodate this?
I feel very good about this business venture. Should I send you my banking code and sort cord yet, or is there anything more urgent that we should discuss.
Also, I have a few ideas of other ways you can market your business to my members if you'd like to hear them. They are A grade, 100%, dynamite stuff, and I will give them you for free as a sign of our beautiful friendship.
Unfortunately I have to get off the computer now as my crazy wife needs to do her laundry online or some rubbish. I'll be on again tomorrow to do business with you. Perhaps, if all this goes well, we should do lunch.
Holler back at me
Whatever you want! How many Gerbils?
Hold fire on bank details until we get it all sorted out.
Do you have a contact number so we can finalise details.
"I was thinking nine Gerbils, but that might be a little overkill, so eight should suffice.
As for my idea, not only can I send an email to all my members advertising your wonderful franchise, but many members have sent me their email addresses to put on petitions for Sarah's Law, which I have stored on my hard floppy drive in a texted zip document. I would be willing to give you this document as a gesture of good will, thus giving you access to around 3,500 email addresses that you can add to your mailing list. I'm sure they'd appreciate hearing about your product. I'm sure you'll agree that as a business revenue advertising stream, it's all good fishing from there! LOL!
You must contact me on my house phone which is 0114 2490260. Please do not ring me before 7:15PM GMTV as I am currently out on important business and won't be in until that time (at least, that's what the wife thinks, amirite?), but after that I'm all ears (and hands, for holding the phone)! Until that time, we can sort out any other important business over facebook that requires immediate attention.
Hit me back
More on this exchange as it develops.