Sunday, 31 January 2010

Computer Virus Set To Mutate

The World Health Organisation has today issued a warning that could spell disaster for many people around the world. A potentially horrific strain of computer virus looks set to mutate over the coming months, leading many leading leaders to speculate on the implication this news will have upon humans.

Troj/Blitzkreig is a harmful virus that has been infecting computers for the last six months. Many PCs are said to have been affected by the rampant spread of this disease, which causes symptoms such as black outs, blurred vision, and the inability to perform day to day tasks in those computers unlucky enough to have caught it. Due to the contagiousness of this disease, scientists are concerned that the virus may mutate so that it can infect those of us who work with computers regularly.

"We believe there is a risk" said our source within the World Health Organisation. "We've seen the same thing with Swine Flu between pigs and people. It's not outrageous to believe that the same could happen with a computer virus."

When questioned on the likelihood of a pandemic, he said "Anything is possible.".

Graham Cluely, CEO of Sophos (a leading anti-virus company), claims to already be making headway in stopping the spread of this disease. "All of my staff have to work behind a giant Firewall." he said, but later admitted that it would be impractical for home owners to set a supporting wall ablaze in order to keep themselves safe. "My advice would be to wait for our latest update. We're planning to install Sophos products directly onto the customer's brain, so that should help.".

When the inevitable happens and an epidemic is upon us, scientists believe that the necessary aid will not be in place to cope with the scale of the tragedy. The elderly are one of the most predominant risk areas, especially old men looking for Thai brides online. iPhones are set to be the main source of infection as the virus will be able to come straight through the phone and directly into the user's ear without them even realising.

In a recent press conference, Mr Norton from Norton Security had this to say:

"Now is not the time for panic. However, I would suggest that computer owners adhere to the following to make their lives safer. Don't go on websites that you are unsure about. Don't go on websites you are sure about. Don't open an Internet browser. Do not open email attachments, even from your mum. Delete your Recycle Bin. Uninstall any Operating System that you may have installed, and for god's sake, don't switch on your computer!"

Although we tried to contact him, leading expert Dr Watson wasn't available to comment at the time of press. We can only hope that the virus hasn't already claimed him as the first victim of it's tyrannical campaign.

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