Friday 14 September 2012

FLASH! Saviour of the universe!

My love for bandwagons started from early age.  At the tender age of five I was first introduced to the chocolatey delights of a Wagon Wheel, and since then, I swiftly developed a fondness for wagons of all types.  Station wagons, paddy wagons, and of course, bandwagons.

So when I saw Mark's impressive attempt at a Flash Fiction contest, I knew I had to jump right in and give it a try.  The folks over at The Lascaux Review are offering cold hard cash if you submit a short story that's  awesome enough.  You can read and comment on other submissions here.  The rules state that your story must be less than 250 words, and must use this picture for inspiration:


Pretty abstract huh?  When I saw the picture, it reminded me of a cracked fish tank.  This was the main inspiration behind my entry, Poseidon's Pet Products.  I hope you enjoy:

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I pushed aside the door and eagerly scouted around the pet emporium.  My aquarium was beginning to resemble a keynote speech at a sandpaper convention; bland, bare and a little lifeless.  It was my hope that I would discover some fabulous piscine delights in this newly established store. 
As I fondled a rather fetching blue tang, the owner approached me with his trident drawn.  He prodded the middle prong into my side with malicious intent. 
“Oi!  No touching the merchandise!” 
I dropped the fish and turned to face my assailant.  I was suitably surprised to be confronted by Poseidon, king of the sea. 
“Poseidon?  What are you doing here?” Seemed to be the most pertinent question I could ask.
Poseidon sighed and slumped down on a shipping palette.  He gazed into the distance and sunk deeper into his own thoughts.  Perhaps he was reminiscing about Atlantis, his holiday home. 
“Hey Poseidon!  Wake up!” 
The elderly God snapped out of his funk at my exclamation. “I have no choice.  Since people stopped praying to us, the Gods have lost their powers.  We’re forced to walk amongst mortals and take up normal lives.  Why, the other week I saw Zeus at Carpet Warehouse.”
“Why don’t you go back?”
“I can never go back until people believe in me again!” Snapped the ferocious demi-god as he turned his back to me in anger.
“But...I believe in you.”
And that, my friends, is how I got 20% off my new aquarium.  Result!


14 comments:

  1. A great post ruined by the mention of the so called chocolatey delights of a Wagon Wheel. NO NO NO Mr Addman I hated those things back in the day and still do if they still exist.

    Great Flashing by the way, my scale model of Inspector Lynch's police car from the classic series Z Cars could not flash any better....

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    1. Thanks man, I've been told I'm a great flasher. The police once tried to arrest me for flashing, but I just had a massive hole in my jeans.

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  2. Hahah I like it. Quirky piece. Reminds me of when Peter found Jesus in the record store on Family Guy.

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    1. Haha! I wonder if that's where I got the idea from, on a subconscious level? It's probably also why I can't stop singing Surfin' Bird.

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  3. Good story, but how does the narrator know it's Poseidon? I don't think I'd recognize Poseidon even if he stuck a trident in my rear. I'd just assume it was Aquaman. I will, however be telling my local fish vendor that I believe in him in an attempt to get a discount.

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    1. ...That's not a plot hole, honest! Let's just say he had a nametag that said "My Name Is Poseidon. Ask Me About Tank Filters".

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  4. That was pretty funny there. I believe in Poseidon too. I don't think he'd give me money off an aquarium though. It does also actually make you wonder about the Gods that people don't really believe in anymore.

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    1. Exactly, I mean what's Odin up to these days? I hear he works at a pet grooming salon, shampooing poodles and fighting the urge to twist their tiny little necks.

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  5. I always imagined Poseidon as a chill, surfer dude. Who would have thought that he'd give into "the Man?" If you ask me, there's something fishy about the whole situation (Okay, I leave the puns alone). Great flash fiction, though! I like how Zeus is working in a carpet warehouse. If he wears wool socks on the carpet, will it increase the power of his lightening bolt?

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    1. Are you my twin? I was thinking the same thing about carpet static. Shame I couldn't fit it into the story though. Glad you liked it.

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  6. This was a fun piece of fantasy, filled with great sarcasm and philosophy. What does happen to gods when people no longer believe in them? You handled this with freshness and skill, Nice job.

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    1. Thanks for the kind words! I'm pleased that it passes your talented eye.

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  7. I would totally believe in Venus for an hj or something. A clever and inventive story, well done.

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    1. Me too. If God gave out Wispa Golds I'd be in church every Sunday. And every Saturday for that matter. Glad you liked it.

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