It turns out that the grand Messiah of, not just Hip Hop, but everything, is to have a baby. This man is like the Steve Jobs of rap and fashion (his words, not mine). He fights criminal injustice at music video awards shows, and psychically determines presidential racism. That’s right, Kanye “Yeezus” West has deemed us worthy to receive his seed.
|Kanye, saving us all from promoting bad music videos.|
Well, not all of us per se. The “Virgin Mary” of this modern parable is none other than Kim Kardashian. Kim is famous for a lot of things, but now that she is giving birth to the Second Coming, her profile is sure to increase. Her star will shine so brightly that shepherds will traverse the globe in order to anoint her with myrrh.
For those are sick to death of hearing about Prince William and Kate’s baby, the news of this new Kanyashian hybrid is welcome. Not only will the gossip mags have glorious pictures of the baby crowning its way into our realm of existence, but we can all start speculating on what they are going to call our new saviour. There are several names that I am rooting for, and I intend to find Kanye’s PR company and send them my list of suggestions. Although I have split my list down into boys and girls names, there is an outside chance that baby, being born of such self-aggrandising calibre, might eschew the societal restraints imposed by gender and thus be known as “the entity”. Otherwise, we can assume Lord or Lady West will have a name befitting its family bloodline. A name starting with a K might be a good start. Looking at Kim’s existing relations such as Khloe and Kourtney, the letter K is something of a family coat of arms, or a clan tartan. Anyway, here are my suggestions:
If any of these names are picked (especially Fred West) I will be immensely pleased. I’d thank God, but I don’t think Kanye has the time to receive my thanks. He’s too busy listening to everyone’s prayers and trying to cure their ailments. As the great one himself once said “No one man can have all that power”.