Friday, 19 July 2013

The Large Hardon Collider

Modern day science is something that we all take for granted. What with our plasma screen toasters and clockwork tapirs, we don't often stop and think about the marvellous science at work behind each of these products.

A fine example of this is the humble microwave.  Microwave cookers have been around for decades now. They've become a part of our daily lives, so much so that a George Formby Grilling Machine seems sophisticated in comparison. But did you know that microwave ovens were invented for the space program? Technically, we all have a souvenier of the space program in our houses. So, if the space race allowed us to make warm, buttery popcorn in seconds, imagine what technology will be born from The Large Hardon Collider.

The Large Hardon Collider (or LHC for short), is a giant machine underneath Amsterdam which fires two Hardons at each other at near-light speeds. Scientists accelerate the Hardons until they can't take any more, then smash them together.

A Bigs Bosom detector


Why are they doing this? Well, it's science for science's sake really, but the energy released when two Hardons rub together is expected to reveal something called the Bigs Bosom.

Scientists in Amsterdam believe that the Bigs Bosom creates Hardons. If we can prove this, this means our current physics model is correct and we know everything there is to know about Hardon science. As such, there is a lot riding on these Bigs Bosoms, and it's their job, as men of science, to examine them thoroughly.

After building a large underground lair-I mean laboratory for discovering these Bigs Bosoms, these top men have allowed their aparatus to be turned on, and are taking close up, voyeristic shots of Hardons.  They are measuring them intensely in the hopes of proving that Bigs Bosoms are not just bouncing around on the fringes of myth, but are real and can be observed by anyone who is so inclined.

If and when we find the Bigs Bosom, we must refrain from getting noticably excited.  The technology to observe and harness these bad boys may be years away, but it is my hope that the world will become a better place in future, all thanks to Bigs Bosoms and the Hardons they cause.

((I'm sorry to any ladies who feel left out by this post. As way of an apology, please enjoy this picture of Henry Cavill having his clothes melted off))


18 comments:

  1. I think you've actually managed to sum up pretty perfectly what the Large Hardon Collider is and does. Although to be serious for a second I find it very very awesome that the LHC really is science for the sake of science and that it got funded and happened. A lot of space stuff isn't going ahead because it's just science for the sake of science. Wankers.

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    1. I agree and I wish that more projects went ahead on that basis. Although, to go back to being unserious, I giggled like a child several times while writing hardon and big bosoms.

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  2. It's all well and good these new aged electric wizards whipping up a storm with their theories and provable facts and pocket calculators but what I want to know is - how the decide how big a hardon a hardon must be to be considered worthy enough to smash into these bosoms?

    There always seems to be one rule for those with BIG hardons and another rule for those of us who can only manage little hardons.... um.... a friend of a friend said to me the other day..... *shit*

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    1. I think they disclude those who can only offer dysfunctional hardons. Other than that, it's all good!

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  3. I hear they're attempting to implement Erectrons into the equation. They're going to Barium into the Big Bosoms until the Neon Flourine Argon. Ah, crap that was a stretch. Hilarious post though, Addman!

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    1. Erectrons? Excellent, I wish I'd thought of that.

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  4. Isn't a Large Hardon Collider just a fancy name for a Turkish Bathhouse? Those whacky fizzy-cysts. (This is a safe place for puns, right? I was told this was a safe pun area! Stop judging me!)

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    1. Don't worry, this a pun-friendly environment here. Puns are not shunned round these parts.

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  5. I am considering building the Small Van Halen Collider. The plan is to send two Eddy's on a collision course to hit head on. The first step towards proving the Big Head Bang and the formation of the first Rock in the universe.

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    1. I just hope it doesn't cause an Eruption.

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  6. Thank you for that picture of Henry Cavill.

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    1. You're welcome. Let it never be said that Muppets For Justice isn't a safe inclusive atmosphere for all peoples.

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  7. Hahaha! You amuse me constantly...good to see you ...keep it up!...:D

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    1. Thank you, I'll do my best to keep you entertained.

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  8. Replies
    1. Since when has that been an excuse?

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