Friday, 11 May 2012

My Inbox Is Spam: Diet/Fitness Edition

Those of you who have been reading Muppets For Justice for a long time (ie. sadists) may recall a brief exchange I had with a spammer named Christine Chu.  She emailed asking me to advertise her diet/fitness app on my Blog.  I had a little fun with her via email, which I've published before in an earlier post, but for those who don't like to click links for fear of being Rick Rolled, I've posted the original exchange below:

Hi Addman,

I was reading your blog today and wonder if I could get your opinion on a diet/fitness app I am working on?

For me, I think the main problem with being fit and eating healthy is motivation. It's an abstract, overwhelming goal. I think the best way to counter this is to turn it into winnable games and small victories.

So... my app makes living healthy, and fitness into a RPG game, where users earn points, "level up', and earn badges as they accomplish their health goals. Everytime they add something healthy like veggies to their diet, they earn points. Everytime they complete a workout, they earn points. As they achieve more and more, they'll level up and unlock badges, and discounts/coupons to rewards like spas, health foods, maybe even sweet and semi-healthy things like raw chocolate.

Of course, to appeal to people's need for achievements/progress, I'm also adding charts, and graphs to show their progress... I think people love that sorta stuff. The whole idea is to shift people's attitude towards healthy living as fun, achievement, and winnable. We're missing that sense of "win" in fitness. That feeling we get when we finish checking things off a list, or cleaning up a room.

What's your opinion on this idea? Would you want to know when I'm done with it? If this sounds too silly, or absurd, just ignore what I just said, hehe =)

Best,
Christine

Hi Christine!

As you've read my blog, you'll no doubt understand how important diet/fitness is to me.  I simply cannot get by without a daily dose of diet/fitness.  Naturally, a diet/fitness app would suit me like water wings on a bumblebee, but I have a few questions about it?

1)  Would the app be available on Tuesdays and Thursdays?  I tend to perform most of my diet/fitness on these days.
2)  Would the app be free, or would you keep it caged up?  I only download free range apps.
3)  Do you need a smartphone to download the diet/fitness app?
4)  When you level up in this diet/fitness app, do you learn fireball spells?  This is crucially important.

Thanks for informing me about this and rekindling my love affair with diet/fitness.

Thanks

Addman

Thanks for the feedback, I'm glad you like the idea :) Hehe, the app will be for smartphones so you can use it 24/7. But there will be a website version so everyone can use it.

But no fireball spells unfortunately =(

I'll let you know when the site/app is done, so you can check it out. It won't be until later this year when I'm done with it. Creating an app and a website is very challenging, but creating something new that will help others is very exciting! ^_^

Best,
Christine

Christine,

This is all very exciting!  A diet/fitness site/app available 24/7 would be a dream come true!

I understand how challenging it is to make a website.  I once created a website about my brother, it was called "FUCK YOU CONRAD!".  I knocked it up very quickly after he smashed my batman glass by accident/on purpose, and it all ended very badly when the police made me take it down.  I'm not allowed to see him anymore.  Anyway, if you need help on designing your website, I can give you a few pointers if you like.

I'm sad to see the lack of fireball spells, but I think you could redeem this by putting in a +1 Mace Of Corruption, or a Magic Missile.

Thanks

Addman


Well, six months of hard app programming later, and Christine has finally finished her life changing diet/fitness/level up/rpg/omg/wtf/asl app.  This is excellent news!  She emailed me, asking if I could advertise her wares again.  I was all too happy to oblige:

Hey Addman!
It's been a long time since I told you about the diet/fitness "level-up" website I worked on with some friends... I don't remember if I told you.. but our website + app got released last month. If you want to check it out, it's at [URL Removed].
Hope you can share it in your blog if you find it interesting. :)
Enjoy your Friday!
Christine

You're right Christine, it's been far too long!  I feel like I'm getting in touch with an old friend that I haven't seen since school.  It's like Friends Reunited, only my friend is encouraging me to hit the gym and eat veg.  That friend probably drives a Nissan Leaf too.  Pah!

Hey Christine, long time no speak!  How's the family?  My family is alright, apart from a recent event in which my cat found it's way into a neighbour's bag, and he threw it in the pond.  My neighbour says that he didn't know the cat was in there, and that I have to pay compensation as the cat caused significant claw damage to the bag, which is an irreplaceable, one of a kind burlap sack.  I hope I can count on your support during this tragic time.
I surely will share your diet coke fitness/level up app on my Blog.  I'm sure everyone will love it.  As I always say to my 130 followers (yes, my Blog has grown lately) on a daily basis "hey guys, you really need to work on your diet/fitness."  Some of my followers are very lazy.  There's this one guy who is very nice, but he once commented saying that he ate a whole Tesco cheesecake in one sitting.  I hope your app would give him an electric shock for being so greedy and un-diety/fitnessey.
Is there anything you'd like me to tell my members specifically?  Something that might encourage them to try your app?
Yours losing-weightingly
Addman

I have a confession at this point.  It was me who ate the cheesecake.  I'm sorry, but if she asks, I'm going to pin the blame on Flip.

Unfortunately, she never responded.  So I'm disappointed to tell you that I can tell you nothing else about this diet/fitness app.  I could tell you where to download it from, but I'm not a particularly nice person really. Toodle pip!

24 comments:

  1. Oh man, this made my night. At least my inbox isn't filled up with that sort of crap!

    maybe she sent you the wrong url by accident? one can only hope..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, she sent me the correct one. I just removed the URL because I don't want to give her any traffic. I don't want people visiting her from here, because I'd feel like I was advertising and I would never do that for free ;)

      Delete
  2. OMGosh I need to make a note to self for reading your blog that says Do Not drink anything while reading. I may need Christine's information for the lawsuit to clean up my computer now. The keys and screen is going to need a good cleaning.:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think she ought to start work on a wiping/cleaning app. Actually, I bet loads of teenage Internet males would want that app.

      Delete
  3. Good thing I didn't include you on my Alcoholics Abominous mailing list. It's a live action role playing game where alcoholics are thrown into a Roman-style arena with a bottle of Jack. The catch is, the bottle is guarded by a herd of female lions. It's a fun way to kick your habit. Here's the link: [URL removed by Admin]

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Heh heh, I would actually link people to that, should such a thing exist. Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to make this into a reality.

      Delete
  4. TFF! When do you think you'll hear from her again. This is great. Not the app thing but how you mess with these peeps.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unfortunately, I don't think I will. I got her last response back in early April (couldn't post it earlier because I was participating in the A-Z challenge), so I doubt I'll hear anything now. If anything, I bet I scared her off. I have that effect on people.

      Delete
  5. Ha ha ha! Wait, I'm a "sadist"? The "how's the family" line killed me. Then you launch into a messed up story? Thank you.
    But seriously, no fireballs? Screw her for even messing with your emotions like that.

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    Replies
    1. My thoughts exactly. If you're not going to listen to wildly unreasonable customer feedback, then you don't deserve any custom whatsoever!

      Delete
  6. Oh that bitch Christine Chu, she contacted me a few months ago, about advertising her diet/fitness app, that treacherous harpy! Obviously when she didn't get her first choice (or a reply), she moved on to the next person, that wily, sneaky, turncoat of a Medusa. And obviously I'm not at all bitter, that I missed out on the perfect opportunity, to use her email in such a fantastically funny way, may her loose moral of a soul, rot in a sea of eternal failed diet/fitness applications.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lily, it's obvious that I was always her favourite. Ever since we were born, she'd give me little tidbits, treats and new toys, while you had to sit in the sandpit wearing nothing but a carrier bag. Even when it was raining. I'd say that at least you had the sandpit, only there wasn't even any sand in there.

      Hang on, my grip on reality seems to be loosening again...

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  7. At least you own up to not being a nice person, ha ha. Notice how she avoided answering whether or not the app would be free...

    -Barb the French Bean

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know. That suggests bad things if you ask me.

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  8. I get these things all the time. Looks like I need to have some fun with them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's the only thing they're good for.

      Delete
  9. I am actually a little excited about this app. I think it would make a great Mother's Day gift. I am not entirely sure how my mom will take it, but she won't be able to say much of anything once I throw her ass on a treadmill.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sure she would appreciate the insinuation that she's a big, blubbery whale and needs to loose weight.

      Delete
  10. Now I feel forlorn and absolutely dejected.

    Christine Chu did not even bother to spam me. Meh ... Boo.

    What's with the freakin' "he he" anyway in her notes? Is that indicative of a smile or a snicker?

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    Replies
    1. It sounds like perverse laughter in my head. Then again, most things sound like perverse laughter to me.

      Delete
  11. I have a fitness app it called the garden...All that grass and a lawn mower that is not only new but damn fickle. Did you and Miss Lily say she is called Chu as in Chew, are we talking the classic chew what ever you like but don't swallow..... Should I have written that bearing in mind, the mind of some of your followers. Does that imply my mind is now corrupted........ Never mind, keep up the good work..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My fitness app involves getting out of a chair and opening a beer. Have you any idea how many calories you burn off just from prising those tops off? It's alarming.

      Also, I think your mind is corrupted. Welcome to the fold.

      Delete
  12. Good old Christine...I occasionally have mails from her as well

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah she gets around, the little harlot!

      Delete

Leave me a nice comment or die trying.