In the beginning, God created the heavens and the Earth, and it was good. Then he created Man. Man was soon bored, so God created Woman. Before long, both man and woman wanted a venue in which they could flail their limbs to repetitive dubstep music in a bid to cajole each other into awkward toilet cubicle sex. This is why God created nightclubs.
Unfortunately for these men and women, God also created the website Embarrassing Nightclub Photos. This glorious website gives us a chance to laugh at these people in unique and wondrous ways. This is exactly what myself and Chiz over at ChizChat decided to do, and we've decided to post the results right here. Please gaze below on the exotic specimens we have unearthed:
Chiz - Should I be more concerned by the amount of chemicals that guy has on his body or the fact that the girl on the right is trying to eat her own tongue?
Addman - I think the girl on the right is actually the star of this photo. It's like she's daydreaming about a delicious cake.
Chiz - I feel like someone should've inserted a thought bubble above her head. She's clearly not functioning at the same wavelength as the other party-goers.
Addman – Her thought bubble would say “Thank god I’m not the girl in the middle”. She is literally owned by the guy covered in varnish.
Addman - In fact, I think that guy is missing the top of his head. His hair just seems to trail off into the night.
Chiz - I think his hair is leaking all over his girl's head, too.
Addman - I think it's leaking onto everyone's heads. That might explain why the girl on the right is looking upwards. She's gazing into the follicle abyss and seeing the end of days.
Chiz - Exactly, it's as if everything the hair touches is his kingdom.
Chiz - Except the creepy blonde guy in the back. He's like a rabbit walking amongst lions.
Addman - It's like a sleazy nightclub version of the Lion King "Everything you smear hairgrease on, will belong to you my son."
Addman - I can't tell if that's a fake tan, or if he fell face first into a bowl of alphabetti spaghetti.
Chiz - Looks to me like they pulled a dead guy from an incinerator and posed him in a bittersweet prom photo
Chiz - Do you watch Game of Thrones?
Chiz - Because they guy on the left looks like a character from the show named Hodor.
Addman - I don't think he's actually part of their group. I think he just came to lick the spaghetti juice off the front guy's face.
Addman - That fella on the right looks like he's playing a giant, invisible harmonica.
Chiz - I can't tell if it's the make-up on his face or if he really is constipated.
Addman - Are the two middle guys sharing a pint glass?
Chiz - It kind of looks like the guy in the back was about to wrestle the pint out of the dead guy's hand, but before he could grab it with his other hand, the Chucky doll-looking fellow put his head underneath his armpit.
Addman - So we're basically seeing three guys fighting over a dead man's drink?
Chiz - It appears so. He's got that look that says, "Foiled again," while Chucky's got that passive, innocent look that says, "Whoops, am I in the way?"
Addman - You know the economy has hit rock bottom when people have to duel to the death for leftover liquor.
Chiz - Would you say the economy is "On the rocks"?
Addman - I reckon that guy has had dinner plates surgically implanted into his chest.
Chiz - It looks like he had his bum surgically implanted onto his chest to me.
Addman - Probably. That would explain how he managed to shit out that moustache onto his top lip.
Chiz - I'm still undecided whether this pic is safe for work.
Chiz - If I was gay would it be considered unsafe for work?
Addman - I think it's considered unsafe for humans, let alone work.
Addman - Do you think he's trying to be Jack Sparrow by any chance?
Chiz - Perhaps, maybe he stores his booty in his moustache and between his chest ass.
Addman - I love it how the guy on the left seems to be having an out of body experience. His purple spirit is trying to escape the photograph.
Chiz - He must be one of the Black Pearl's ghostly henchmen.
Chiz - He's got that thousand miles stare like he's standing atop a crow's nest.
Addman - That's exactly how I looked when I first saw this photo.
Chiz - The Inbetweeners?
Addman - They're too polite to be the Inbetweeners. That dapper fellow on the left understands correct pinky etiquette whilst downing a shot.
Addman - What do you think they're drinking that tastes so revolting?
Chiz - Oh, definitely horse semen.
Chiz - Or water. No one would be expecting that.
Addman - "Mom?! Is this water? I only drink highly sweetened, carbonated drinks!"
Chiz - It seems the guy in the middle is having an allergic reaction to the water.
Addman - I think he's having an allergic reaction to being outside his house. This is probably the first time he's ventured outside since his Warcraft guild disbanded.
Chiz - Very possible, it looks like the substance he just downed is bringing about frightening flashbacks of intense, harrowing Warcraft battles.
Chiz - He's weeping for the poor soul, Bonerfarts324, who died in the battle of Your-Mom.
Addman - I want to know the story behind that raised fist in the background. It reminds me of the end of Terminator 2.
Addman - And thus, another clubber has laid down his life and drowned in a pool of other people's sweat.
Chiz - He probably just polished off a bag of wine or liberated an oppressed country. Endless possibilities, really.
Chiz - What's surprising is the fact that these gentlemen are able to lift the shots to their mouths with all those bracelets.
Addman – What’s surprising is that they dared to drink alcohol on a school night.
*All photos are strictly the property of Embarrassing Nightclub Photos. I think. They're not mine anyway.