Film Easter Eggs

The anniversary of Christ rising from the dead from his chocolatey egg-shaped cocoon is behind us.  However, the movie industry strives forward to include Easter Eggs in nearly all of it's feature films.

For those who don't know, we're not talking about traditional chocolate eggs here.  What would be the point in that?  You'd need one of Wonka's televisions to be able to taste it.  Instead, the term Easter Egg refers to a hidden reference in a film intentionally put there by the creators as a little extra bonus.  You could say that it's more like finding an extra Christmas present round the back of the tree.  These bonuses probably would be called Christmas presents if it wasn't for the Coca Cola company owning the rights to the festive season, so Easter Eggs it is until Cadbury's get their sugar-coated paws on that holiday too.  Then we'll have to call them Hanukah Dreidels.

As I have a large affection for film, I have dedicated my life to cataloguing these Easter Eggs.  You'll thank me one day when this knowledge becomes part of the National Curriculum.  Anyway, allow me to list a few examples that you may not be aware of:

Some Easter Eggs of something called "Pocket Men"

Terminator 2 - Danny De Vito appears as Arnie's twin cyborg brother, and can be seen briefly crying behind John Connor during Schwarzenegger's firey death scene.  He is crying his little robot eyes out, literally, as they dangle out of his sockets and clack together like a Newton's Cradle.

The Hobbit - The dwarves Oin and Gloin have several split second scenes where, instead of the usual bear pelt shirts they are associated with wearing, they can clearly be seen wearing "I'm With Stupid" t-shirts.

The Dark Knight Rises - When Anne Hathaway straddles the Bat-Cycle, if you freeze frame and zoom in at exactly the correct point, you can see a small tear in the crotch of her catsuit.  It is rumoured that by zooming in enough, you can see a portal to the future and witness the end of civilisation as we know it, but this has not been confirmed.

Bridesmaids - When one of the Bridesmaids runs in front of a car, one of the posters in the shop window is actually a flyer for the planned sequel Bridesbutlers.  Unfortunately, this sequel has since been discontinued because Chris O' Dowd thought that a butler's uniform was disrespectful to his heritage.

Mary Poppins - During one of the animated sequences, the film is replaced by a 2 frame shot of a woman's bare ankles.  Although this is impossible to pick up during regular viewing, this subliminal shot would have caused many cinema patrons to have spontaneous heart attacks over this gratuitous exposure to naked flesh, if it had been discovered sooner.

Mars Attacks - As is usual with Tim Burton films, Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham-Carter can be seen making out in the background as the alien's land and incinerate everyone.

Skyfall - If you listen to Adele's theme song backwards, you might actually mistake it for a good song.

"Skafawwwwwwww when ya crumbawwwwww"

The Imaginarium Of Doctor Parnassus - Several bronze statues of Dustin Hoffman can be seen throughout the film, suggesting that it is a direct sequel to Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium.

The Twlight Saga - Overhead shots in all five Twilight movies (yes, there's five of them) reveal mysterious alien crash sites all around the foggy town in which the story takes place.  This alien conspiracy, as confirmed by the writer Stephanie Meyer, suggests that Twilight takes place on a future Earth after civilisation has been destroyed by the marauding death fleets of an extra-terrestrial empire.  As civilisation has built itself back up and the invasion long since forgotten, many of Earth's inhabitants now have super powers after exposure to alien death rays, namely the abilities of Vampires and Werewolves, and they're also very good in bed.  Twilight is actually the story of alien mutations and life after the apocalypse, rather than the Mormon parable of abstinence and teenage angst that we've all grown to revile.

Pulp Fiction - In a split second shot, you can see that the glowing object in the case is actually a mint condition Spiderman comic that Quentin Tarantino has owned since being a boy.

I have many more of these, but I don't want to ruin the hunt for you guys.  If you know of any Easter Eggs, please put them in the comments box for us all to savour.

Much Adele About Nothing

There are many unexplained phenomena in the world. The Bermuda Triangle, Area 51, and the weird scrolling barcode that appears on TV just before an advert break. However, I want to focus on the most baffling of modern mysteries; the continued success of Adele.

For those not in the know, here is a 6 minute inspirational video on what you're thankfully missing out on. Adele has assaulted the ears of the British for a couple of years now, but her latest album was at number one for 11 weeks earlier this year. A remarkable feat for someone who sounds like a teenage boy trapped down a well.

Just what are the definable qualities that make her so unbearable? The ineptitude of her voice is a large contributing factor, making her sound like she's on a motion simulator with her mouth full. This is especially awful when you couple it with a ballad that would make even Chris Martin feel a little embarrassed at such maudlin tones. Multiply this with her inability to articulate and you've got yourself a stinker in the works. Her diction is about as clear as Stig Of The Dump's bathwater.

Adele is a graduate of the BRIT school academy; a building dedicated to laying siege to the music industry with their diabolical weapons of mass shit. Previous Alumni of BRIT school include Jessie J (speaks out against capitalism, then wears designer gear), Kate Nash (sounds like she's dislocated her jaw), Leona Lewis (didn't she win X Factor? Strange...), and Dane Bowers (do you really need me to come up with a reason to dislike him?). You'd think this would be enough to get the school closed down, but it must generate a lot of money off of the back of these people.

Considering how successful she's been, someone out there must like her. Critics have been climbing over each other to finger her for a job well done, but then, critics have been a bit starved of decent music lately. There's only so many times you can report on Lady Gaga's clothing before you have to actually write about some music for a change, and decent music is rather thin on the ground at the moment. Since she's flavour of the month right now, most of those critics will be lining up to shit on her shoes by the time her third album is out, as they'll surely be taken with the latest BRIT school graduate that's been popped out in time for Christmas. To say that she's peaked at 23 would be a bit premature, which is a lower career expectancy than a footballer with a sponsorship deal with Nandos.

If it were only the critics hailing her as the second coming of Jesus Lennon, I'd understand. However, there seems to be several members of the public who have got on board with Adele. Here are some of the comments from the YouTube clip posted earlier on:

"what a powerful woman! i hope she never looses weight.." - Yeah. In the same way that Samson looses his power he has a hair cut, Adele would be destroyed if you gave her a gastric band.

"hilarious  adelle //.. stunning voice" - Hilarious? This is no laughing matter! People are buying this!

"Adele is just... so, amazing. Everytime I listen to her songs I get the chills." - Same here. The same chills I get when I watch The Ring.

"She's so beautiful and so talented. I can't believe people can't see past her weight" - It's strange that only her fans ever seem to mention her weight at all. Even the trolls don't bring it up.

For a woman who sings about wanting to chase down slabs of concrete underfoot, it's hard to criticise her for her success. Regardless, I'll give it a good try: piss off back to your finishing school for berks you soulless sack of flesh.

A Tribute To Amy Winehouse

They tried to make her go to rehab. On reflection, it might not have such a bad idea...

On Saturday, Amy Winehouse was discovered dead at her London home. The police have yet to confirm the cause of death, but if we look at the evidence it's safe to rule out several possibilities:

1. She was too high to have spontaneously commandeered a submarine and tried to recreate the Falklands war by leading a single-handed charge against the Argentinian Navy.
2. She was too stoned to don a full suit of chain mail and have gone kite flying in the middle of a storm.
3. She was too baked to have passed herself off as a 16 year old and attended a summer camp in Utoya, Norway.

In all seriousness though, if it turns out to be anything other than a drugs overdose that killed her, people are going to be rather disappointed. A tragic waste of life it may be, but Amy's crack-riddled binges are what took her from a singer to a superstar. The amount of paper consumed to print more pages about her drug abuse has cleared an area of rainforest the size of Kuala Lumpa. She's generated more column inches than a Greek temple.

No doubt you've already heard about Club 27, a growing list of musicians who have died at the exact age of 27. The list includes Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, and a bunch of other inconsequential people. Obviously, the lesson here is to steer clear of drugs until you reach 28, then fill your veins without consequences.

More importantly though, will her music live on? Yes, but only amongst a small minority. Most will probably remember her for the numerous times when she attacked loyal fans. Buying tickets for her shows was like paying to stand in a line of people where one of you is going to get kicked in the nuts, like a ball-crushing version of Russian Roulette. Then there were her wacky parents who perpetuated this cycle of celebrity by urging the public not to buy her music. By this stage, she hadn't released an album for around two years, so there was no danger of that. At the time of her death, it had been nearly 5 years since she released Back To Black, which is an epoch in pop music terms (or a Pop-Epoch, if you will).

However, her influence on the music industry will not be forgotten. Thanks to the success of the Winehouse machine, the way was paved for a rhythmic wave of lady singers such as Adele, Duffy, La Roux and Florence And The Machine. If only they'd emulate Amy's substance abuse too.

So farewell Amy Winehouse, the lady who made laryngitis sound soulful. Thank you for the music, and thank you for giving Sickipedia something to live for.

Life is a losing game