Katie And Peter And Everyone Else

So we all heard the breaking news a couple of days ago (unless you are not from the UK) that Prince Peter Andre of Pectoral Might and Lady Katie Price of Boob-boob are set for divorce. As the nation prepares to collectively shrug its shoulders and perform a minutes nonchalance in honour of this, we are left wondering "what went wrong?".

Here's a little back story for those not in know. Katie Price (Aka Jordan) became famous for having large breasts and stumbling around drunkenly at parties. After falling over and squishing her unborn son to point where his face has more ridges than Rocky Dennis covered in McCoys crisps, she went on British Institution TV Show "I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here" to find a suitable babydaddy. This led her into the arms of Australian singer Peter Andre, a celebrity so washed up he'd have beg to get into a nightclub. The pair came together on national TV, conducted their whole courtship on camera, got married in Hello magazine, and then allowed an Osbournes style show to follow them around for six years. After two children, a make or break visit to America, and more photographs than a hyperactive stalker's spank bank, the pair have decided to seperate.

I must admit that I have actually been watching their TV show Katie And Peter: Stateside for the last few weeks. I'd like to be able to say that I watch it in a voyeristic, journalistic kind of way to gain further insight into the fleshy masses and discover what exactly makes them tick about insipid fashionistas such as Katie and Peter. I'd also like to say that I watch it ironically (which is an excuse for not having an excuse really), but the simple fact of the matter is, I love carcrash TV. I'm a sucker for it. I lothe and love it, like a pet parasite. There is no excuse for perpetuating this type of nonsense, and I imagine that you all now look down your noses at me.

Anyway, it occurred to me that this is all rather well timed with the current TV show. This week, an episode was airred where Katie and Peter had a row in a Segway store, which ended in Peter acting like a mature adult and threatening "You think you're going to get away with this?" in that special way that serial killers find so agreeable. Lo and behold, the very next day, press releases emerge stating that the couple have split.

Now, surely it doesn't take me to point out how conincidental that is. It also serves as food for thought, because somewhere along the line, there is something that has been staged here, whether it is the argument and subsequent split, the announcement date, or their whole relationship from start to finish.

I mean, it's not as if television hasn't faked something before, but puppeteering life changing decisions such as marriage break ups seems a little too Orwellian for my liking. We all know that reality TV is always filtered down from hours upon hours meaningless pap into something more palletable and interesting; basically a Greatest Hits anthology. However, is this a step too far?

Please don't misunderstand this as sympathy for the dullnamic duo. In fact, people who allow themselves to be governed by gossip magazines would be nothing without them. I disliked the pair of them from the moment they clung to each other in desperation for attention amidst the flora and fauna of the Celebrity Jungle. Watching their inevitable breakdown served as an amusing diversion from bleak television schedules and even bleaker news broadcasts of government expenses, which I don't intend to go into.

Either way, I wish Katie, Peter and everyone else involved success in everything they attempt next. I hope they achieve their pop careers, break free of the self destructive spirals they are in, and manage to raise at least one of their three children without it turning into flailing brat.