Wednesday, 16 September 2009

Abandon The NHS

As we discovered last time, the Internet is great place to ask questions about relationships and dating. However, how good is the Internet when it comes to health related queries? As it turns out, I'd rather turn to the wisdom of the World Wide Web than visit a doctor. Take these wonderful examples, again taken from the wonderful service, Yahoo Answers:

A colonic a day...

Why do people in west clean themselves with tissue in toilet?

I mean after excreting feaces from their body.
Doesn't that increases the risk of disease development?
They can use water.

Serious answers please.

Hahaha, those crazy westerners. Why don't they just poo in the sink while the water's running? Much cleaner and safer.

You don't want to know what happens when it reaches 88 degrees...

Soda killing my brain cells?

today as the thermometer boiled over in my car i reached for a radiated can of diet soda to keep hydrated. diet soda contains aspertame, a sweetener that degrades at 86.5 degrees, turning into methanol and formaldehyde. i only took one sip from the can (a tea spoon) and before i drank anymore i tossed the mountain dew to the parking lot and went to a bubbler for water.

right before i took that sip i ate two cold yogurts, and a few minutes after i drank alot of cool water. the can was definitely over 86 degrees. the human body has a core of 98.6 degrees, does this mean all food you swallow eventually reaches this temp? would the pre/post guzzling of yogurt and water bring the dew's temp down in my stomach? do you think this incident killed any brain cells (versus drinking a cold mountain dew)?
He strikes me as the kind of guy who goes to a party and spends half an hour stood in the corner working on his stance and worrying what kind of impression he's giving off to people. An overthinker who is likely to end up stuck at a busy zebra crossing because he's too skittish and can't decide if he has enough time to cross the road. Until the day he dies.

Sports Injury? Not Likely

How can i remove the pain in my wrist?

the other day i was at the gym doing barbell weights, dumbbells, and bench press for my arms. everything was good until i got home. i started feeling a sharp pain every time i shake my arm down (as if i was hammering something) the pain extends from my wrist to halfway through my forearm. also, every time i twist my wrist 360 degrees, it does a soft clack sound (as if i was cracking my finger), but it clacks every single time. my arm does not hurt as long as i don't move it up or down too fast. please tell me what's the problem and how can i fix my wrist and take away the pain. should i take advils, tylenol. please help

You sure you did this through sports? Either way, the Internet will build you a new wrist with hydraulics and cool stuff like that so that you can spank it all day.

Annie Are You OK?

Late taking dinette pill, am i ok? Please answer!!?

I normally take my pill at night around 10pm - 1am. I havn't missed a pill in over 2 months, however i forgot to take mine last night but took it this morning at 11am.

This was the 18th pill in the pack. I'm asking this as my partner is returning home tonight after a long trip. Would I be ok to have sex without extra protection?
Convert to Catholicism, then you're covered.

It's All In The Mind

How to do meditation tat can help in studies?

I'd recommend taking primary English classes again to help with your studies.

Needles In My Mouth Are Painful?

I want too get my tounge peirced does it hurt ?? honest answerss pleaseeeee.?

Honestly? It doesn't hurt at all! Pushing a foreign piece of metal through one of the most sensitive exposed areas of your body with literally millions of nerve receptors in it isn't going to even make you flinch. The agonising pop as it makes its exit through the other side will be nought but a fleeting sensation akin to a bunny rabbit licking your face, exploding in a shower of bubbles, and giving you good luck for the next seven days.

On the negative side, if you get a cold, the phlegm gets trapped underneath it. Enjoy!

Skinny Cow

Why didnt I lose weight?!?

The first week of my diet i ate 600 calories a day and exercised for about an hour a day. I lost seven pounds. This week i ate a little less than 600 cal & i exercised for two hours every day; i lost 1 pound!!! Why?????

Judging by your picture, you're already a slender waif as it is. When you don't have any excess fat to burn off, you don't lose much weight. There will also be some muscle conversion, especially when you're doing two hours exercise a day. Besides, you did lose weight, so that's good for you. Losing seven pounds a week would be very bad for you unless you weigh the same as Meatloaf after a big meal delivering sacks of potatoes in a truck.

Hang on, this response almost sounded serious. I mean I DON'T THINK YOU'RE TRYING HARD ENOUGH!

Motion In The Ocean

Why is my period watery?

I'm a virgin, but my period is very watery. It never was like this before. and also my cramps hurt more than usual.

( i did let my borfriend finger me though.)

Maybe your boyfriend is to blame here. Maybe he is the ingenious supervillain Hydroman, with the power to shoot jets of water from his fingertips up the pensive private parts of nubile young girls. This is all part of his insidious scheme to turn all under 16's into a waddling army of portable water bombs. Or perhaps you're just having a wee.

Death Is Certain

I'm on antibiotics for my skin can i smoke with them?

Bascically the doctor asked me if i smoke and i said no cos it was infront of my mum, does that mean i cant smoke with them...? What will happen if i do.

Wild stab in the dark here, but perhaps he was trying to determine the cause of your complaint? Either way, do people on cigarette packets have nice skin? It might not affect your medication, but you might not shake it.

Best Questionnaire I've Ever Done

Masturbating questions?

ok so i have some questions about masturbating.
im a 12 yr old male, and I havent hit puberty yet but i was wandering
1. Is masturbating good or bad?
2. What age do you have to be before you start masturbating?
3. Will i feel bad after doing it if i do it?
4. Do you have to hit puberty before u can masturbate?
5. *this is embarrasing, but i really want to know* what does it feel like when c** comes out?


1. Good, Bad, and often, Ugly.
2. If I was on the film age certification board, I'd have to refrain from giving masturbation a PG rating. A 12A might be more suitable.
3. Only if you do it into the dog's food bowl.
4. How many babies do you see having a wank?
5. Like a thousand feathers gliding gently across your bare skin whilst you sit in a space-faring jacuzzi and watch the soothing swirl of the galaxy gently fade out behind you as you reach Valhalla and get to see all of your childhood pets one last time. Like popping an entire sheet of bubblewrap at sunset with Air on the stereo and elephants spraying chilled champagne over you as the crickets chirp to the rhythm in a cacophony of peace and tranquility....Ask your father.

And here, we complete another marvellous foray into the spectacle that is Yahoo Answers. Most of these questions could have been answered with the phrase "See your GP", but we all know that is not as entertaining. Anyway, take care, and if you ever injure yourself or succumb to disease, remember this post and take comfort in the fact that there are caring souls out there that are just a click away. Tally bye.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Leave me a nice comment or die trying.