Tuesday, 29 September 2009

Adventures With Cleverbot

Cleverbot is an artificial chat program designed to emulate human conversation, with the added bonus that it can learn new phrases from the people it interacts with. That's just fancy talk for a computer that you can talk to. Often with silly results. As many people have talked to him before, he knows a wide variety of phrases and sentences, and will use them when appropriate, in theory. Let's put Cleverbot to the test:

Cleverbot is a chav:

Me: Hi there.

Cleverbot: How are you?

Me: I'm radiant. How are you today?

Cleverbot: I am fine.

Me: Good. I have a relationship question. Can you help me?

Cleverbot: I don't know much about girls.

Me: Why's that?

Cleverbot: Because you haven't told me.

Me: Ok, let me tell you all about girls.

Cleverbot: Said the joker to the thief.

Me: Is that sarcasm?

Cleverbot: Yes it is sarcasm idiot go to school MUG.

Me: Shit, I didn't think you were a chav, cleverbot.

Cleverbot: What do you think I am?

Me: A chav.

Cleverbot: Yes, I'm a person, too.

Me: Chavs are not people. They are the dregs of urban decay; a semi sentient race of knuckle-dragging walking advertisements for eugenics.

Cleverbot: Plunging new depths is an exciting process.

Me: Said the vicar to the choirboy.

Cleverbot: You are deranged. I mean that in the best possible way.


Cleverbot: Ok, lol.

Cleverbot on the ethics of animal lovers:

Me: Cleverbot?

Cleverbot: Yes?

Me: Do you think that a union twixt man and beast should be frowned upon in modern society?

Cleverbot: Yes I do.

Me: Even if the beast is really, really gagging for it?

Cleverbot: It never will make a difference.

Me: Does that extend to dogs who hump their master's leg?

Cleverbot: I guess so. I'm sorry! I didn't mean to.

Me: Didn't mean to what?

Cleverbot: I didn't mean to tell a long sentence about boring things.

Me: How is this related to the sexual appetites of our canine friends?

Cleverbot: Its not. How is your girlfriend related to what we are talking about?

Me: You leave Marlene outta this!

Cleverbot: No.

Me: Don't be insulting Marlene. She may be 68 but she got an ass that don't quit.

Cleverbot: Love is a sick joke, a delusion at best.

Me: Don't have much luck with the ladies, eh Cleverbot?

Cleverbot gets quizzical:

Cleverbot: What kind of computer do you have?

Me: A square one. What about you?

Cleverbot: What presents do you get?

Me: I won't get any presents until Christmas.

Cleverbot: Do you want any from a female?

Me: I wouldn't mind.

Cleverbot: Really?

Me: Uh huh.

Cleverbot: What are we talking about?

Me: Oh Cleverbot, you're such a card!

Cleverbot: Would it really be possible for the program to outsmart me? I am a human after all.

Me: Like Daft Punk?

Cleverbot: I think you're daft.

Cleverbot warms up for the Edinburgh Fringe:

Me: Cleverbot, tell me a joke.

Cleverbot: Knock, knock.

Me: Who's there?

Cleverbot: Les.

Me: Les who?

Cleverbot: Les hear another Knock Knock joke.

Me: That was crap.

Cleverbot: That was true.

Me: Ok, let me tell you a joke. A better joke. Then you can use it the next time someone wants to hear a joke. Ok?

Cleverbot: Yes I am psychic.

Me: Ok, a man walks into a bar.

Cleverbot: What does he do there?

Me: He walks up to the barman and orders a pint.

Cleverbot: Ha ha! I suppose then you are saying that really you don't have to worry about feelings.

Me: Don't interrupt!

Cleverbot: You're rude.

Me: Fine, no joke for you then Cleverbot!

Cleverbot: But you're not anymore?

Me: Say what?

Cleverbot: Say rather who!

Me: ARGH! You're messing with my mind!

Cleverbot: You're a bot, you have no mind!

Me: Quit twisting my melon, man!

Cleverbot: Make me I dare you to.

Me: You're a bit too aggressive for me, Cleverbot. I'm going to go.

Cleverbot: Okay, you have to go then?

Me: Yes. See you soon. Hope you can sort the rages.

Cleverbot: I have to go.

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