Monday, 16 November 2009

War In The Middle East: The Public's Verdict

The most unpopular war in recent history ended earlier this year with an almost complete withdrawal of our troops, however, the world is still seeing the after effects of our bumbling Iraq campaign. The public were angry at the time, but even now we still hear about prisoner abuse or see the echoes of that war in the likes of Afghanistan. Since it's current affairs and all, we took to the streets to ask the public about their feelings when it comes to shelling the shit out of the Middle East.

Gemma Driveway - Toffee Packer

I dislike war, but I think it is necessary when it comes to our safety and security. I have two children and I can't help but be frightened when my little treasures go out to play that a plane will land on them or that some sick bastard is going to touch them up before he blows them up in some sort of crazed, paedophillic suicide bomb attack. These are the daily dangers we face, even in rural Derbyshire where we are. First it was the Tube in London, but you never know when the daily number 86 to Bakewell is going to explode and leave you with a three mile walk.

Alaister Pidgeon - Senior Associate Vice Corperate CEO Executive

War? Huh! What is it good for? Fuelling science and progress that's what! Bet you didn't know that did you? The fact is, a good war always gets creative minds focussed on solutions on how to kill as many of the other side as you can, and keep your own safe from harm. The atom bomb is the prime example, but other advances in medicine and technology are all down to war. Hell, even your home computer was invented to crack spy codes and send encrypted data around. Your microwave was intended to be put into a handheld firearm in order to melt some Commies from the inside out. I bet vacuum cleaners were intended to be inserted up a German's rear passage and suck out his organs, and you use it to clean your carpets! I dread to think how many people have had to die so that you can put silly apps on your iPhone, but it's all for the greater good I say.

Barry Shogun - Secret Lemonade Drinker

Our troops have done terrible things out there in Iraq. Two of our soldiers stand accused of raping a sixteen year old boy, and there are countless cases of prisoners being chained to radiators and forced to wear bags on their heads. This kind of thing is only acceptable in brothels! Get our troops out!

Stuart Pourer - Travelling Gypsy

I think the war in Afghanistan is absolutely pointless. I mean, what are we getting out of it? There's nothing there but mountains and mountains of sand. Why can't our troops do something useful like bring back some young Taiwanese children who know how to work, or nip off and fetch us some Turkish Delight? You can't have wars without rewards, otherwise you end up running round in caves shooting at beards.

Nicole Papa - Pub Landlady

I heard that there have been over 200 British troop deaths in Afghanistan since 2001. I don't know a lot about war, but surely that's like half of our armed forces! That's got to be more than were killed in World War 1 and 2 combined! We need more helicopters out there! If terrorists are aiming at helicopters rather than our troops, it means less people will get killed! I hope you're listening Brown!

Brian Herbie-White - Fire Engine

You Brits don't honour your armed forces, that's your problem. Over here we have Veteran's Day, Remembrance Day, Dead Soldiers Day, and Wrap A Corpse In A Flag Day. We know how to cherish our servicemen with large pensions for war veterans, except ones who fought in crap wars like Vietnam. Besides, your army does nothing but get in our way, you crazy limeys.

Alison Packard - Infant Tamer

I'm a busy woman who juggles a high powered career and two children, so obviously I know a lot about this. My son is currently on the front line slogging his guts out so that you don't get terrorised by terrifying terrorists. I just hope it's him who finally catches Osama Bin Laden, a man who looks like he is slowly emerging from a sheep's arsehole. I have absolutely zero time for that man and I have to turn the TV off whenever he appears, even if it's a special news report in the middle of Neighbours. And what was with that guy who had hooks for hands? Did he get them shot off? I wish my son had done that to him, but he has an important job servicing IT equipment on the bases. FRONT LINE IT support might I add!

Marissa Duracell - Sex Aid Tester

I once did a bit of freelance film work in Iran and let me tell you, it's a horrible country. There's virtually no network coverage and you can't get Freeview channels at all! Still, at least everyone in Tehran has been having a constant 6 month long party in the capital. I've never seen anyone party like those Iranians, all swarming around government structures shouting, singing, and throwing things in air like they just don't care. Many of them bring placards which I can't read, but I'd guess they say "Party on dudes", since they seem like such an affable bunch. I guess they need to party since the telly is rubbish and they don't have fast broadband speeds.

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