But anyway, since the advent of Netflix I have found myself watching many more films than usual. Too many films. So many films in fact, that my brain has been reprogrammed with movie logic. For example, I don’t mind if the police destroy whole cities in shootouts and take countless lives as long as they catch the criminals. I don’t question why the eagles don’t just fly everyone to Mordor in the first place. I also know that, if I have a fight with Mrs Addman because I’ve been a colossal cock face, I just have to propose in a public place to resolve it.
Anyway, I think it is safe to assume that my movie enthusiasm is the perfect catalyst for great film ideas. Somewhere in the recesses of my cranium exists a Hollywood Blockbuster worth eleventy-billion pounds. Like throwing spaghetti at a wall, I’m going to throw some ideas out there and see if any stick.
Title: You Me Marley & Me and Dupree
Genre: Dogmantic Buddy Comedy
Pitch: Owen Wilson stars as Owen Wilson’s ill-mannered dog that comes to stay with newlyweds Owen Wilson and Owen Wilson. Owen Wilson is initially annoyed at Owen Wilson chewing the sofa and disrupting his sexy times with Owen Wilson. Eventually, Owen Wilson comes to care for Owen Wilson, who then dies of a twisted stomach.
|With your donations we can give Owen Wilson the life-saving stomach surgery he needs.|
Title: Kramer vs Predator
Pitch: Dustin Hoffman has to save his son from a predatory alien (Meryl Streep) who is hunting them for sport. The film culminates in Hoffman covering himself in mud while shouting “GET TO DA CHOPPAH!”
Title: The Dark Knight’s Tale
Pitch: Heath Ledger plays a medieval knight who has to kill The Joker (Heath Ledger) and save the kingdom. Unfortunately, Heath Ledger as an actor dies before filming can be completed, so other actors are drafted in to complete the film. This is explained in film through several face transplants which happen for inexplicable reasons.
Title: Beverley Hills Chupacabra
Pitch: Dazzled by the glamour of Hollywood, a mythical, goat-killing beast tries to make it big on the silver screen.
|Chupacabra: Before The Bling|
Title: Whaling Boats
Genre: Kids/Whaling boats
Pitch: From Disney/Pixar comes a heart-warming tale in which a small fishing trawler (voiced by Steve Carrell) dreams of carrying dead whale carcasses on his back. With the help of his Japanese friends, they eventually upgrade him to the point where he is able to drag a thrashing leviathan from the depths of the ocean, and slowly allow it bleed out for two hours, on screen, in front of an audience of captivated kids. Children will marvel at the way Greenpeace ships are crushed in order to get at that succulent whale blubber.
That’s all the ideas that I have today. However, I would love to hear what you, my dear readers, can come up with. You guys have proven time and time again to be a resourceful and imaginative bunch, so hit me with your best movie pitches!