Friday 20 September 2013

The Northampton Clown

What do you call a clown without a circus?  Fucking creepy, as this picture clearly demonstrates:



The residents of Northampton have been positively delighted to have this individual skulking around their streets.  The first sightings of Mr Jelly’s friend appeared on Friday 13th, and already the Northampton clown has a sizeable following of thousands online.  A Facebook page documents all of his appearances so far.  He is usually spotted with a teddy bear in hand, peering through windows and waving at passing traffic.
 
Interestingly, nobody seems to have approached or spoken to him, except for one woman who claims that he turned up on her doorstep and offered to paint her windowsills.  In the report, she notes that he “didn’t have the proper equipment”.  I thought it was common knowledge that clowns carried a squirty flower (could be filled with paint) and a string of knotted hankies (a potential brush), the perfect equipment for painting windowsills.  I bet she kicked herself when she realised that she’d turned down a free clown paint job.

Although his outfit seems to be modelled on Pennywise, the serial killing clown from Stephen King’s IT, he has yet to kill anyone.  In fact, although his behaviour is highly unusual, he doesn’t pose a threat to the public in any sense.  It’s obvious that he’s just a prankster trying to spook a few people, or is just trying to spread joy to the town in the most deluded manner possible.  In fact, nobody knows or understands his motives, which only serves to deepen the mystery.

Either way, opinion on the Northampton clown is polarised.  Some people love snapping grainy mobile camera shots of a terrifying clown in the dark, while others are threatening to beat him up.

Frankly, I think it’s awful to threaten a harmless clown with violence.  If being creepy was enough to warrant assault, I’d be on a daily beating these days.  It’s the same crowd who threaten to attack people because “they look like a paedo”.  Because some rudderless clown turns up in your town, unannounced, to spread joy to the world, people want to kick his head in until confetti falls out?  Nonsense, we should embrace this opportunity and try to learn more about his bizarre clown culture.  To the residents of Northampton, I urge you to invite this man into your home and make him welcome.  Think of it as a cultural exchange type thing.  Offer him a biscuit in exchange for a custard pie.  Ask him if his comically small car is fuel efficient.  These are all questions that need to be answered regarding these mysterious beings.

 



I reckon more towns in Britain could be livened up through the introduction of a clown.   Send in the clowns.

16 comments:

  1. Can we just arrest him already? Isn't public nuisance a law? I don't care if he's trying really hard to become an internet celebrity, for the people who live on that street, he is annoying. Arrest him and anyone who has ever participated in a flash mob. We're coming for you, fake-Pennywise, you'll be sharing a cell with those Improv Everywhere assholes very soon.

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    1. Wow, such strong feelings against clowns. While the guy is undoubtedly creepy with his twisted yet child-friendly appearance, he's not doing anyone any harm. Leave him alone!

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  2. Ah, yes. I've heard of this clown. I still view clowns as whimsical comedians. This unfortunate race has been molded by the public into nightmarish monsters and creatures of the dusk. The hypocracy radiating from the "all-accepting" public is sickening. We must spread awareness. Perhaps a worldwide clown appreciation day?

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    1. By clown appreciation day, do you mean a circus?

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  3. Holy heck this is an actual thing. I hadn't heard of this guy but I do actually find clowns to be pretty creepy. I'd probably be weirded out if I came across a random clown in the streets. I do think that more people need to brighten up their towns but clowns are not the way to do it.

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    1. Well it's more unique than a flower festival, or a litter-picking initiative.

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  4. I have several theories that could help throw light on this or should I say put him in the spot light.

    one . . . . He might be a redundant Ronald MacDonald with no home, no money, walking the streets picking up scraps of food from outside fast food chains, as a clown he would advantages that ordinary regular people would not when fending off seagulls and pigeons.

    Two . . . . He is a super hero fighting crime and arresting drug dealers, lets face it no drug dealer doing what he does in a dark alley would be suspicious of a clown approaching him laughing and holding a pair of handcuffs.

    three . . . . He is an alien scout taking stock of human activity. It would not surprise me if we started to see more clowns in lots of towns until their numbers become an epidemic at which point they will eat us all, having first thrown a bucket of confetti at us

    Four . . . . AAAAaaaaaauuuuuuuuugggHHHHHH its a clown runaway...

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    1. Your theories are intriguing. I'm giving you some grant money which will hopefully fund your research. Go forth and find out what it wants!

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  5. I dislike clowns very much, no matter where they are.

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    1. Another clown hater. Honestly, what exactly frightens you about clowns? Is it the soulless, dead eyes peering out of the makeup? Is it the nauseating multi-coloured outfits? Is it the sense of being unable to read their emotions that make you unable to determine their humanity, coupled with theit affiliation with children?

      Honestly, I don't understand the fuss.

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  6. This what happens when you win the lottery and don't know what to do with your time.....

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    1. If I won the lottery I would dress up as a penguin.

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  7. I don't really have the same fear of clowns that other people seem to have, possibly because I've never read or watched IT, but I have to admit that sounds creepy.

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    1. Stick around Kellie. It's my personal goal to give each individual on this Blog a unique and irrational fear. Yours will be cupboard spaces.

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  8. You know, I would probably try and hang out with him. He seems pretty rad.

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    1. You could be his assistant, making sure his confetti buckets are stuffed full and that his squeaky nose is as shiny as can be.

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