Monday, 27 February 2012

The Probability Of Being Different

Do you ever feel like you’re totally alone in the world? Do you feel like no one quite understands or feels the way you do? Do you believe that you are completely unique in your thoughts, opinions and feelings? If so, congratulations, you special little, talented, trend setting individual, you.

Understandably, it is quite difficult to accept just how mundane and unimportant our lives sometimes are. When you work as a coat stand in an office day in, day out, then go home and watch “inspirational” celebrities buying caviar-covered cars with little to no discernable talent, it can be quite easy to fool ourselves into thinking that we’re destined for greater things. After all, if a Kardashian can be famous, surely we all can make it too, right?

Consumerism tries to make us feel special at every turn. If you buy this product, people will be jealous of you. If you take out this insurance scheme, we’ll strive to personalise our policy, just for you. This new gadget has been designed solely around you as a unique customer, and can be can be customised to your specific tastes. If you don’t like the camera angle on the Tennis right now, press the Red button to view it from a different angle, or perhaps watch the ball boy scratch his arse instead. Press the Yellow button to squirt him with water if he doesn’t fetch the ball fast enough. Yeah, that’s right, ball bitch! Don’t make me press the Blue button, for god’s sake!

As a result, we all walk around in our little bubbles feeling cosseted and special, just like the other 7 billion people on the planet. Obviously, this excludes people who live on dung heaps.

What I’m trying to say is, your thoughts and opinions, in all statistical probability, have already been thought of before. Every hilarious joke you’ve come up with has, more than likely, been said a thousand times. As I’m typing this now, I hold no illusions that no one else has ever thought of this before, and then typed a Blog post about it. I feel as though I’m plagiarising someone who I’ve never met, nor am I even aware of their work!

Try telling that to teenagers though. Teens are the worst group for this type of thinking. This is probably down to their protected childhoods, leading them into an insular, hormonal brain maze of frustration and angst. But since we’re not here to examine the social issues around this, I’ll just settle for calling them idiots instead.

A unique person makes a valid point

So if I am ever to breach any copyright laws in the future, my defence is already sorted. Chances are that any and every word, concept, and penis joke on here has been duplicated somewhere else. It’s like an infinite forest, at some point you’ll find the same formation of trees even amongst the random chaos of tree growth. That’s rather humbling isn’t it?

In conclusion, there’s no point trying to carve out a niche. Next week, I’m going to save brain energy and write about the deal with airline food.


On another note (a C major, if you're interested), the wonderful, talented, and infanticidal Lily from Incoherent Ramblings Of A Moose has given me an award.  The award is for being Creative, which is humbly taken by myself and displayed proudly:

Beautiful.  As with anything, there are some conditions:

1.  Link back to the person who gave you this award.
2.  Share 10 random facts about yourself.
3.  Pass the award onto 6 other people.
4.  Follow the person's Blog who sent it to you.

As the post is already too long, I won't be sharing any facts today.  Below are some people who I would like to award for being "Kreativ":

1.  A Beer For The Shower - Always great illustrations, and always hilarious.  Always!
2.  HILL BLOCKS VIEW - Flip is a great Blogger with a wonderful comedic perspective.
3.  How To Hate Everything - This lady doesn't post often, but when she does, you better hold on tight.  Utterly hateful poetry.
4.  Pickleope - The unholy union betwixt a pickle and an antelope, which is already enough reason to visit!
5.  The Beserk Herc - Bersercules can draw, write, and point out the flaws in religious propaganda videos like no one else out there.
6.  Thoughtless Gibberish - Bumferry Hogart!  The guy is called Bumferry Hogart!  If you're not already impressed, I don't know what's wrong with you.

So yeah, thanks Lily, and thanks everyone else for a great laugh.


  1. I loved this post, and not just because you so graciously bestowed upon me an award. Though I have to take a bit of an issue. It's not just what you say, but how you say it. The manipulation of words can still be unique. It is incredibly difficult to accept the mundanity of general existence. But once you do, it can be a lot more fun.
    Thank you again. I'll have to check out some of the others.

  2. I feel the same way. Despite how unique and orginal I try to be, I know that someone out there has blogged about the same shit. That's why I try to avoid searching for things on google because I'm afraid I might discover the truth. So, when I'm put before a lie detector in court for plagiarism, I can legitimately say I knew nothing of the work that I supposedly copied.

  3. Fantastic as always.! And your award is justifiably deserved.

  4. Congrats on the award! And also, I agree. We're not special. I mean each of us is different, which really means none of us are. And we all feel really unique like no one has ever felt how we feel, but again, that means we're all the same.

    I mean except ME, of course. I'm pretty different.... :P

  5. Sorry, I don't have this problem.

    I tend towards solipsism, so their ideas are my ideas anyway.

    Nice post, me.

  6. Well done on the very much deserved award.
    and thankyou for the link as well. I was wondering why i was getting more views! (nearly got 10 on one day alone!!)

    Sometimes i hate your blog because you say things im thinking about pooing out on my pages but you manage to do it better, quicker and funnier than me without any pooing (apart from brain shits i suppose...not that they are poo...i like 'em)


  7. Congrats on your award...although I am sure that has already been said;)

  8. @Pickleope - I agree, to some degree. You can put your own stamp on it, certainly. However, I was more frustrated at trying to come up with a topic or theme that might not have been covered. This stems from the Valentines Day post, where I initially wanted to post up some fake relationship advice.

    @Chiz - Don't worry, no one will blame you. Unless you have psychic powers that you're not telling us about.

    @Lily - Thank you Lily. I've created a special awards gallery to put it in. Yes, I am that sad.

    @Gia - Well you seem to be a crocodile in a bikini. That's pretty unique.

    @Ash - Solipsism? Isn't that where you think everyone else in the world is imaginary? If so, why did you imagine me robbing that bank last week? This is all your fault!

    @Bumferry - Don't hate me! If anything, this gives you an excuse to copy my work, word for word. Please don't, though.

    @Shay - Yes, but like eating a delicious cake, you can never experience it enough.

  9. You've plagiarized King Solomon with this post. He said "There's nothing new under that sun" hundreds and hundreds of years ago. You have proven yourself to be correct. Irony, ya gotta love it.

    1. If there's nothing new under the sun, does that mean King Solomon had an iPad? What about Wi-Fi?

      I'm just joking. Please don't hit me.

  10. Yay me! Thanks for the award!

    (I'm the 137,092 person to say that!)

  11. I feel pretty,
    Oh, so pretty,
    I feel pretty and witty and bright!
    And I pity
    Any girl who isn't me tonight.

    Thanks for the love. I'm all blushy now.

  12. By the by, you are probably my favorite bloggist, blogger, bloggite... whatever.

  13. I know you just did one of these so you don't have to fill out another one. But, I nominated you for another award for exceptional awesomeness and less than 200 followers as is required by this particular award. Don't worry bought filling it out though since you just did one.

  14. @Bersercules - Possibly, but don't worry. Just revel in your award :)

    @Flip - I think blogger is the correct term, but I prefer bloggist. Then you could potentially be the bloggiest bloggist. Anyway, enjoy your award.

    @Chiz - I've already thanked you on your blog, but thanks again. I don't think I'll do the whole "nominate more people" again though, otherwise we'll all descend into being award blogs.

  15. Thank you kindly for the award. I humbly accept even if 'kreativ' kind of sounds like a war torn Polish slum when spelled like that.

    "I had hard life growing up. I saw many people getting killed in Kreativ. I can never go back."

    And yes, this is definitely the classic "Simpsons already did it" kind of thing. Though, a small part of me does hope that after a year of this, there's at least ONE joke of mine that's completely original. Maybe? Probably not.

    1. They could make a movie out of it... something out there like:
      No Love For Kreativ
      Kreativ Danger
      or a horror spin-off:
      Paranormal Kreativity...

      The name sells itself!

  16. Nice award, indeed. It reminded me of a time, not so long ago, when I won my Nobel prize. It was a dark night. The moon hung low in the sky and the air had a crisp nip in it.

    While strolling inconspicuously through a dark alley, enjoying the night air, a man with graying hair crossed an open parking lot adjacent to me. He looked to be in a hurry, rushing to his car.

    Being the helpful humanitarian that I am, I intercepted and throttled him mercilessly. While sifting through his belongings for things that I might donate to local charities, I discovered he was none other than Derek Walcott, Nobel prize winning author.

    I, of course, kept this little memento as to remember our brief encounter. I say I "won" it, largely because, he did in fact struggle and I won the altercation. I must say, that it's luster is only outshined by it's immense meaning to me. Mr. Walcott, by the way, is quite a noble man and not much of a screamer.

  17. Congrats on your award. Nice blog by the way.

  18. Well deserved award, felicitaciones! Salut!


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