Monday 30 September 2013

Breaking Bad (No Spoilers Honest!)

Tonight in the UK, the nations favourite cancer-ridden chemist will finally finish his story as Breaking Bad draws to an end on Netflix. Americans got the chance to see this series finale yesterday because, due to them being a dominant global power, they invaded the production studio and made the cast and crew film the whole thing 24 hours faster.

So, as of writing, posting, and you reading this, I haven't seen the end of Breaking Bad. I've seen the penultimate episode and there's a lot of questions that need answering. Here's some of the important ends that I hope get tied up in the last episode:

1) What state are Walter White's pubes in? The chemo has obliterated his hair, yet he can still grow a beard that looks like a slug racing circuit. If that's the case, does Walt still have pubes? Does he have radioactive pubes that glow in the dark like a landing strip for paradropping parasites? This needs urgent explanation.

2) Is there anything that Walt "Flynn" Junior doesn't think is bullshit? As much as we enjoy seeing him slam his pancakes down in fury while declaring them "bullshit", I'd like to take a few minutes to find out what he does actually like. It would help to flesh out his character if he was into airfix models or was training to be an Irish dancer. I mean, the kid hates it when his father turns out to be a drug baron, when his father's cancer comes back, when he can't stay in his own house because of gangsters, I mean, what DOES he like? Get a grip, Flynn!

Who is this mysterious chap?


3) Did Skyler change her name by deed poll? I mean, Skyler sounds like a master criminals wifes name. You'd expect her to live in a cloud fortress, cackling to herself like a cracked drain. We need to know who or what benevolent being named her Skyler.

4) Is the smoke in the title sequence a drug reference? This is one of the big mysteries of Breaking Bad, and one which the writers have failed to address. There are many theories on the origin of this smoke, such as a fire breaking out just off screen because of all the floating chemicals, or someone farting liquid nitrogen. We need some urgent closure on this one!

5)  Who is this notorious Heisenberg that all the characters keep referring to?  Will Walt finally figure out this mysterious man's identity, and kill him?  Why is everyone so scared of this guy?  This is probably the most heavily-guarded secret in the entire show, so hopefully the writers will grace us with some kind of explanation before the end.

6)  What does Grey Matter (the company that Walt started as a young man) actually do?  It sounds like they just sit around and think about things.  It seems to be some sort of consortium of philosophers.  There's a lot of stuff we don't know about this company, including what product they make, what they sell, how they make money, and anything else other than it's name.  My bet is on Grey Matter being the international corporation that sells Walt's meth in Europe.

7) When will Breaking Good start?

15 comments:

  1. Breaking Good is the spinoff series they have planned. I haven't seen Breaking Bad at all, but I might check it out now it's actually done. I just hear people creaming all over it. Nothing can be that awesome. It's another reason I've not checked it out actually. Everyone is hyping it up way too much.

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    1. I think the spin-off is a one epsiode special called "Better Call Saul". But hey, since you've never seen Breaking Bad you won't know who Saul Goodman is, so this information is pretty useless.

      You should watch it though.

      Delete
  2. Walt Jr. was just Heisenberg all along. It was like The Usual Suspects all over again - he wasn't even retarded! (That was his problem, right? The kid's retarded or something?). Why didn't I see that one coming?

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    1. It all makes so much sense! They even share the same name! My world has been turned upside down, I am Keyser Soze!

      Delete
  3. Well, the final episode explains that the blue tint in the crystal meth is actually the result of added Windex. Walt has been slowly killing off his clients over the past 5 season by having them ingest Windex fumes. That's the only thing I'll ruin for you, though!

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    Replies
    1. If you weren't joking you'd have been banned faster than a pube in an Australian video game.

      Delete
  4. Well I have not seen any of this either and know nothing about it, but I know a man who has seen the last episode so I could get him to post a spoiler comment on your post. However I may be dissuaded (is that right, do I care) from such action if a nice plain brown envelope full of you know what should turn up on my door step. This is not extortion Mr Addman, more an honest attempt at capitalism in the sharing caring world of capitalism.... Well we all need to do our bit...... I await the arrival with eager anticipation.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Yes, I will be sending the usual bribe of 100 used posing pouches, don't worry. I haven't washed them either, as per your request.

      Quite what you need these for is beyond me.

      Delete
    2. You wait till you see the picture of this years Christmas tree, . . . . . so useful for holding chocolate coins and candles.

      Delete
  5. I'm waiting for Breaking Bad to show up on On Demand so I can finally see what everyone is talking about.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Once you're done, come back and read my post again.

      Delete
  6. I'm going to be completely honest with you. I did not read your post. I've not finished BB yet and even though your title said no spoilers I can not risk it. Sometimes people have a different understanding of what no spoilers mean. Just the other day I was talking with my mom about a show that she had read an article about regarding its upcoming season. I told her I didn't want to know anything about it. No spoilers! She immediately answered with saying, and I quote "Oh, don't worry the article didn't give anything away but it did say that they are going to kill off one of the main characters."

    Now, I'm sure you have the same understanding of NO SPOILERS as I do but I'm still feeling a little shaky from that exchange with my mom. I hope you understand and forgive me.

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    1. It's just jokes about the questions that nobody is actually asking.

      Incidentally, I've watched the last episode now. This post doesn't mention anything that's happened in the last series.

      Delete
  7. You GUARANTEED me "no spoilers", yet here I am, with full knowledge that Flynn (Walt Jr.) is still alive and that we have no answers as to the name "Skyler". Thus, I can only assume and believe that you will follow through on your promise to post an HD picture of your exposed buttocks, with your face fully exposed as well, presumably looking over the peak of your "Moons Over My-Hami"! Give it up, decepticon!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. These are weasel words designed in order to get a pervy peek at my bum. A character's continued existence is not a spoiler.

      However, if it will appease, expect a rear-view snapshot shortly.

      Delete

Leave me a nice comment or die trying.