Best Movie For Excluding Midgets
The Hobbit quite simply has to snag this award. In a film which should be chock full of parts for the vertically challenged, not a single midget or dwarf was cast, even when most of the cast are supposed to be dwarves. As an example of how to exclude minorities (some of which could possibly be classed as disabled), The Desolation Of Smaug is a unparalleled, shining beacon of intolerance. They didn’t cast a real dragon either.
Best Television Moment
In a year which has seen the finale of Breaking Bad, it seems strange to award this to Confessions Of An Alien Abductee, where a woman named Chantelle genuinely believed that she was being abducted by aliens everytime she ate KFC. As it turned out, she was the most abducted person in Britain, claiming that aliens were moving her cigarettes.
To put that into the context of her beliefs, basically, an alien race evolved over millions upon millions of years, gained sentience, mastered space travel to a point that is deemed physically impossible by human understanding, travelled out in the cosmos to search for intelligent life, found a lone woman in Manchester, then proceeded to move her cigarettes around to annoy her. That is their entire galactic strategy, to steal fags from people. Utterly hilarious.
|We have travelled the galaxy, for the smooth flavour of Malboro.|
Best Awful Celebrity
The winner of the Best Awful Celebrity award for 2013 (and every year) is of course, Piers Morgan. That’s not just because he’s the smuggest git to ever get his gittish face on TV (although his television shows are horrible exercises in elitist bonhomie), but mainly for his historical actions. Basically, Piers was a major player in the phone hacking scandal, even admitting to Paxman that he knew how to hack people’s private voicemails and offered to demonstrate. He also doctored photos of soldiers abusing prisoners in Iraq, just to sell a few papers.
This is the moment you’ve all been waiting for, the coveted Best Blogger award. This goes to the Blogger who has made an outstanding contribution in the field of Blogging. Bloggers are scored on quality, persistence, and having an obnoxious orange banner at the top of their page.
The results are in…normal, no evidence of autism. Take that trolls!
Oh, and the award for being the Best Blogger goes to….ADDMAN!
I was so shocked by the outcome that I demanded a recount. But as it turns out, it came out as me again!
I am so proud to accept this award from myself. I’d like to thank all of my fellow Bloggers for not being quite as great as me during 2013, and here’s to 2014. Merry Christmas everyone!