However, we are all very busy people with far too little time on our hands. That's why I am going to keep my reviews short and limit them to one sentence maximum.
So anyway, here's a rundown of films I have seen this year, in one sentence or less:
|Do they even use projectors anymore?|
Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa
Quite simply the funniest thing put to celluloid for years, and that's not a joke because I can't think of anything funnier than what's in this film.
The World's End
Not quite the funniest thing put to celluloid, but it has robots filled with blue stuff in it.
The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug
Fucking Legolas wasn't in the book, so the fact that he keeps fucking swanning around and saving every fucking fucker, is just a shrivelled rabbit turd on top of a delicious sundae.
Thor: The Dark World
Chris Hemsworth battles generic aliens again in the background while everyone pays attention to Tom Hiddleston.
Man Of Steel
They must have paid Russell Crowe a substantial amount, because the amount of times he comes back despite being dead suggests that the producers wanted their money's worth.
The Lone Ranger
Jack Sparrow vs Cowboys
Star Trek: Into Darkness
Benedict Cumberbatch cries, then rips people in two with his bare hands.
The Great Gatsby
Tobey Macguire earns his keep as a man who looks at everything with amazement and wonder.
|Tobey, what wonder do your elf eyes see?|
Tom Hanks turns skinny in this fascinating hostage situation, but a Stockholme Syndrome-styled romantic plot wouldn't have gone amiss.
Saving Mr Banks
Tom Hanks looks a lot fatter in this.
For anyone who wants a bit more Muppets For Justice action, or anyone who wants to learn a little bit more about my upcoming book, please go and check out Rob Z Tobor's blog, specifically this post. It's an interview about my upcoming ebook, which should hopefully prove humorous and insightful in equal measure.