Created by Me2 Games, Flappy Swine is a free to play game in which you have to guide a flying pig through a series of heavenly golden gates. The principle of Flappy Bird is thoroughly intact, but the game uses advanced monetisation techniques to encourage players to purchase upgrades and add ons. The game was also recently updated, so let's see what has changed in the latest patch:
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| Reality catches up with satire yet again |
- Flappy Swine now actually looks like a pig, and the placeholder image has been changed accordingly, instead of looking like Flappy Bird.
- All placeholder pipe images in the game have been removed and replaced with gates.
- The title screen now says Flappy Swine instead of Flappy Bird.
- When you die, a screen pops up asking you to purchase an extra life for 7 Swill Points ($5.63). If a swill point is not purchased, a cool-down peroid comes into effect and the game is not playable for 24 hours. The game will make fart noises if you try to launch it during this period.
- Posting your score to the leaderboard costs 3 Swill Points.
- Each flap on Flappy Swine costs 1 Swill Point. When all Swill Points have been exhausted, the player has a five second window to purchase more points, or else Flappy Swine will commit seppuku with a barbeque skewer.
- Flappy Swine is now only playable on devices with a fingerprint reader, to stop people selling their device for thousands on eBay when the game is inevitably removed from online stores.
- Flappy Swine now makes oinking noises on each flap, rather than playing an audio clip of one of the developers screaming as his soul is sucked clean from his mortal body.
- A hidden credits sequence can be accessed by crashing Flappy Swine into the base of the 3rd gate. The credits include the text "I can't believe people pay for this kind of wank".
- The feature in which Flappy Swine turned to camera when the game is paused to make wise cracks about your fat momma, has sadly been removed.
- A new feature called Oink Bucks can be purchased for $10.99 each, but which currently serve no tangible benefit to the game.
- If you try and rate the game less than four stars on the online store, you are redirected to a press release on the developer's website which explains how they are "delivering the core experience to gamers".
And there you have it. Flappy Swine is available on all good smart devices and tablets, for the next few days at least. Get your copy today!
Awww man, I HATE when they update the apps I love! I liked the "fat momma" taunting feature. Can I purchase a "yo momma so dumb" add-on package?
ReplyDeleteYes, but it costs 44 Swill Points and you have to post a video to YouTube of you wetting yourself.
DeleteI will willingly pay upwards of $5000 for your free game. But then again, I'm not really very smart.
ReplyDeleteYou have yourself a deal, sir. Would you like to buy a number 1 spot on the scoreboard for a further $550?
DeleteThere is a disturbingly high chance that this exists, or will exist.
ReplyDeleteAfter I wrote this, I noticed that Flappy Pig existed, hence why I posted the image above. In fact, if you have an Android device, the Play store is full of Flappy Bird clones.
DeleteI don't know what Flappy Bird is, but I've heard enough about it to be moderately interested in its imitation, Flappy Swine. I'm going to spend 10% of my paycheck every other week until it falls into obscurity and the next free game hits the market.
ReplyDelete10%? You're really not vert serious about this game, are you? If you want to make a dent in the leaderboard, you'd better forget about paying your rent.
DeleteAnd I still have to wait another 6 months before the Windows Phone compatible version. Hopefully this one won't get pulled just weeks before the release.
ReplyDeleteThere are no plans for a Windows phone version, because no one has a Windows phone.
DeleteI'm going to hold onto my £££'s with the grip of a man holding on to his sanity against all the odds for the latest "Flappy Flaps" game where the player has to constantly jab at his phone in his lap for around 30-45 minutes in order to up-level the blurry photograph of a dead eyed tuesday afternoon stripper to a slightly less blurry photograph of a dead eyed tuesday afternoon stripper.
ReplyDeleteI've heard that if you don't jab hard enough the end of level boss appears holding a picture of Ethel off of Eastenders and the voice of your mum comes out of the speakers (they can do that now, you know) screaming at you to clean your room because your Gran is staying over while your Grandad has a new bag fitted at the clinic.... I really need a drink.
...I think you need fewer drinks to be honest. Do you need to talk to someone? I can find someone who will help you overcome these issues. We're all good people here, we want to see you get better.
DeleteSorry Mr Addman I am all confused it has been a confusing few days, but I am back with it again. Whats all this pig talk about pigs that flap I may go to the wrong kind of parties, but I have heard of Crackling Parties and what folk get up to, I think it all started back in the USA in the twenties with the so called Speak Greasy's and moon shine (sorry Moon Pig).
ReplyDeleteCrackling parties sound like my kind of thing. YUM!
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