Celebrity Spots

Being a minor Internet celebrity has it's perks. Once you've had a Blog running for two years and an eBook that has sold literally tens of copies, all sorts of doors begin to open up for you. Admittedly, those doors are usually automatic ones, but you can't help but feel that there's some sort of divine intervention behind curtain.

Just recently I've found myself rubbing shoulders with the hoi polloi of the entertainment industry. Whether this is down to my growing star power, or that I've gotten better at scaling the walls of celebrity mansions, I'm not sure. Either way, I thought I'd regale you with some of the moments that I met famous people out there in the wild.

For starters, last week I saw none other than the Canadian Batman himself, Hugh Jackman. He was fresh from the set of Batman vs Predator 2, and was wanting a drink in my local to cool down after a hard day shooting sex scenes. The barman refused to serve him because he was wearing a particularly sweaty vest and was singing loudly about French revolutions. Mr Jackman took a swipe at the landlord with his adamantium claws, only to realise that he doesn't actually have any, making him look like his punches were falling short by a couple of feet. I offered to buy him a pint of Fosters if he calmed down, to which he got angry as people in his homeland prefer starwberry daiquiris, then left in a huff.

Hugh in his award-winning role as Spiderman.

Moving on, I once shared a photobooth with the guy who plays the android in Futurama, Michael Fassbender. I wanted a passport photo, and he wanted some headshots for a website in which people post pictures of voles that resemble him. We shared the £4.00 cost and had a variety of different poses taken, including a couple of tasteful nudes that I keep in a private stash and only occasionally send to gossip mags for vast, three-figure sums.

Whilst hiking across the Yorkshire moors last Monday, I happened to stumble across Snoop Lion and Katy Perry trying to recreate their hit single, California Girls on the sodden, fog-infested hills of Yorkshire in the middle of Winter. Katy wore a bikini made of fruit pastilles, while Snoop appeared to have the crown jewels on, which were loaned to him for being the "doggiest dogg to ever bow wow" (which I understood upset him as his real fursona is that of a lion nowadays). There didn't seem to be any cameras or music and they rapped and gyrated around for the entertainment of myself and a couple of bemused field mice.  I stook around and politely listened to the first verse, before I wandered off and left them in the distance.

If that wasn't enough for you, I also clocked Keith Chegwin doing a driveby on a playa hater. Oh wait, I wasn't supposed to mention that. If the judge catches wind of that, my family could be in danger. Just forget I said anything, okay?

So, have you ever spotted some celebrities in real life?  Please share your stories here so that we can all live vicariously through the lives of famous people and somehow feel closer to them as a result.