Metal Dad

Dearest offspring,

Undeath upon thee, young one.  Life on tour continues to separate us, but let it be known that through the black arts, as I lap at the blackest drainings from the sepulcher of Hades, I feel closer to you despite our physical distance.  I am putting my punctured, bloodied finger to parchment to inform you how much my maggot-infested heart longs to return the doomed orifice that is our dwelling.

My service to the band Vengeance Lust is long and arduous, but the rhythmic thumping as I hammer the skins every night is sure to appease the dark lord and keep our realm safe from his nihilistic ambitions.  Rocking out for the Blood God Rhazghul is more of a dark duty than a career.  Once my bones grow weary and crumble to dust, it is my hope that you, my progeny, shall inherit my legacy.  Until then I will crash these symbols until the very foundations of hell begin to shake.

CAN I PLAY WITH CRAYONS?!

You’ll surely be interested in the unearthly events that have plagued our black chariot (tour bus).  Well, Dave “Batfingerzzz” French moved heaven and earth with his righteous fury after losing a piece of jewellery inside a groupie.  It was the ring with the fossilised scorpion in amber.  When it degrades inside the unfortunate harlot, I imagine the festering decay will cause another black death across the western world.  At least, that’s what I’m hoping for.  

Also, Johnny “Pestilence” Horowicz opened his jugular on stage over a crowd of screaming fans.  He bathed them with the crimson spew of his lifeforce, encouraging them to ingest him as he performed a riotous solo during a metal cover “Why Do Birds Suddenly Appear?”  The fans left that gig with a souvenir that money cannot buy, and several blood diseases that money cannot treat.

Kyle “Firepisser” Jones spent the whole of last night trying to stick wings to centipedes.  He intends to release them during the pyrotechnics finale we are concocting.  I remain unconvinced that they will take flight and bring forth the rapture as he intends.

As for me, I have discovered the dark, dreadful delights of drinking from a goblet.  I refuse to consume any liquids that are not presented to me in a goblet, but conversely, I am eager to slurp down anything placed in a chalice of some description.  When the firey orb of daylight secedes into the horizon, my brothers of decay will often compete to fill my drinking chalice with the most foul things imaginable.  I have consumed little other than diarrhea, liquidised locust larvae, and Pot Noodles for the last seven evenings.  The others may find this amusing, but I am biding my sweet, dark time until the vapours within coalesce into the great Maggot Lord, Nurglesh, and he unleashes a noxious cloud of decay upon their mortal forms.  Then I shall devour their souls and use their absorbed shadow powers to reign down a new Armageddon, rending flesh from bone on an unprecedented scale.  Then I’ll have a cup of tea.

Regardless, I shall soon return to the homestead after next week’s show in the forsaken lands of Milton Keynes.   Wait for me my child.  Soon you shall receive me once more, and I’ll finally have the opportunity to give you that "My daddy rocks" babygrow.  Until then, don’t die.