So, if you are confronted at night by a ropey humanoid bastard, how can you tell the difference? Should you run away, or defend yourself with liquid nitrogen? It’s difficult to know when in a fight or flight scenario, but with these handy tips, you’ll soon be able to distinguish between these two in a heartbeat.
Which of these featureless orbs is Heston?
You know its Slenderman if:
- You begin to feel sick, dizzy and nauseous in his presence.
- He disappears if you have all 8 pages of his notebook.
- You drop your camera on the floor and it automatically lands upright, facing Slenderman as he slowly meanders towards you.
- His pinstripe suit doesn’t have blancmange on it.
- He is sabotaging your student film project with visual tearing, and inserting loud buzzing noises over all footage, even when he’s not on camera.
- You happen to be near a set of swings.
- He is surrounded by an eerie mist.
- Some of your friends have recently started hanging out in the woods with a video camera, and have repeatedly shown you grainy footage of a smartly dressed man in their homes.
You know its Heston if:
- You begin to feel sick, dizzy and nauseous after eating his food.
- He disappears if you have all 8 pages of his recipe book.
- He tries to feed you a Roasted Duck Eyebrow.
- His pinstripe suit has blancmange on it.
- He arrives straddling a giant chocolate sausage, declaring it to be a “traditional English breakfast with a twist”. The sausage will then explode in a shower of edible midgets.
- He is surrounded by eerie liquid nitrogen.
- He cries if you try to enter a Little Chef.