Greetings mammals.
This being is sometimes known as the space cowboy. This being is sometimes known as the gangster
of love. However, since being exiled to
this putrid terrestrial world, this being is often known as Glaxxor The Space
Lizard.
In order to prepare humanity for assimilation into our
species, this being has been studying human media and deciding upon a conquest
strategy that will save as many egg sacks human lives as possible. To
win over the human body, this being has realised that the inferior human mind
must first be courted. And what terrible
distractions does the human mind enjoy?
After studying the electronic archive of all Earthly endeavour (known as
“Teh Internets”), it is obvious that humans enjoy “memes”. That is why this being has created some epic
winnings with which to cure the human condition. Please enjoy these unsophisticated tropes:
Hahahaha! Mister
Bandana is known for his thought-provoking advice. Stomach cavities are the ideal place to
nurture your parasitic offspring. The
two concepts merge to produce laughable results that will endear your entire
species to the concept of becoming walking nurseries for our young. Hahahaha!
It seems that humans love being caught in the middle of
sexual procreation by cats. Cats in
ceilings watch humans spilling seminal fluid with hilarious results. Think about the comedic potential of a REAL
sexy lady watching? Look at the frills
on that! While making this image, this
being shed at least three layers of skin uncontrollably. Powerfully erotic.
Overfed felines are no laughing matter, yet humans cover
their Internets with pictures of their fat cats.
This being wonders why humans like to laugh at gratuitous pictures of
tasty sub-creatures, but hopes that you will enjoy witnessing this appetising
delight.
Humans enjoy sending each other the gyrations of Mr
Richard Rolls. However, this being felt
that Richard’s lyrics needed a little touching up in order to make grammatical
sense. Please enjoy this reworking of a
poorly conceived popular song.
Now that the memes have been dispatched, this being
believes that the links between our races have become stronger. Now if you would kindly sit still the next
time I extend my ovipositor into your belly button, this being will ensure that
our species become closer than you could possibly imagine. Toodle ciao!
Well, I'm ready to give up my stomach cavity for egg-laying. Once the eggs hatch and burst forth from my tummy, I assume that I'll be left with a surgically repaired six-pack. Sweet abs defined by a scar, here I come.
ReplyDeleteOh yes, your abs will be so tight you could bounce a pin off of them. Unfortunately you will be dead as your internal organs will have been turned to mush, but that's the price of a great body.
DeleteGlaxxor appears to actually be becoming MORE alien when it comes to humor.
ReplyDeleteI'm not saying I don't like it. I just wouldn't risk telling him a knock-knock joke...
Last time he tried some stand up material about airline food and ended up spitting venom into everyone's eyes. The life of a clown...
DeleteI'm surprised you didn't reference the Good Guy Glaxxor meme.
ReplyDelete"Good Guy Glaxxor: boards your craft, doesn't assimilate your lesser beings into space slavery." Oh, that one always gets me!
It is funny, but it would be lies. Glaxxor always subjugates lesser races.
DeleteThese memes caused my humor modules to gyrate. Such gaiety has caused me to replete the energy cells I was saving up for my next meal pursuit. I guess I'll have to eat out, again. I hear Bevvlar's Drive Thru has a wonderful, roasted Scottish Fold Kitten.
ReplyDeleteGlaxxor: Only a measley human would find this funny! You have been ousted, human! Stand still while this being gently lowers his eggs into your stomach wall.
DeleteI am not keen on lizards, a friend use to keep the things in tanks (no not the ones with guns and made of armoured plate). Lizards have always appeared to be an unsociable bunch so I have wrapped myself up in chicken wire to protect myself. I'm sorry Miss Glaxxor but my body is a shrine not an incubator. . . . . . . . . . Who is Richard Rolls. . .
ReplyDeleteI'd be careful with that Rob. In an odd set of circumstance, dressing in chicken wire is actually considered sexy lingerie to Glaxxor's species.
DeleteIs it pronounced meme or meme? I've know which is the correct term and always look foolish at parties and job interviews because of it.
ReplyDeleteI for one welcome our egg laying alien overlords and the day of assimilation can't come fast enough. There are far too many idiot humans knocking around (and most of them seem to infiltrate my working day!)
I can confirm that it is definitely pronounced "meme". Hope this helps!
DeleteI feel stupid now. I've been saying meme instead of meme for ages..... What a fool I am.
Delete