Wednesday, 5 August 2009

Priesthood Is Tough

I was horrified today to discover that someone had taken exception to Alan Paige's antics. I'm not sure what compelled Brendan Lawson to message me. Perhaps he didn't like the way I battle rapped people. Perhaps he's a sensitive crybaby. Perhaps he's a foul mouthed flid who was just looking for someone to cry over. Either way, I took the time to message him back, and a short conversation ensued. I decided to play it like a priest purely because he managed to spell "prey" wrong, giving his message an unintended theme.

Brendan Lawson
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keep the change you filthy animal. your a sick fuck stop praying on minors

Alan Paige
Sorry, but I have to pray for them. Who else will save their souls from Lucifer and his hellish army of imps?

Brendan Lawson
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your a fucking wack job you piece of shit and what the fuck are imps you fuck. ps. pcp saved my life

Alan Paige
What's pcp?

A DJ saved my life once. His name was God, and our lives spin on his turntables of love as we make beautiful music together.

Brendan Lawson
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pcp is unreal dont get your panties in a bunch about it you bible thumping fuck there is no god sorry to burst you bubble buddy.

Alan Paige
My panties are never in a bunch, my friend, for God has ironed out all of the creases with his Bosch of truth and justice. If there's no such thing as God, then how do you explain the method of which we are communicating right now?

P.S. your swear words make baby Jesus cry.

Brendan Lawson
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ok first of all it's called science you dumb retard. You talk to 16 year olds and it's weird. i hope god sends you to hell if he does exist. thats just not right. like fuck your weird dude, did you get baby punched as a child? did you get molested? i really feel sorry for you man.

p.s. i have leprosy you sick fuck

Alan Paige
Leprosy!? Well thanks for telling me. I hope I don't catch it from you. Mind you, I'm sure the lord will protect me from such a terrible affliction; he only punishes those who are truly wicked.

What is the problem with me talking to 16 year olds anyway? I don't know which 16 year olds I have conversed with that you have taken exception to, but if you are suggesting that something sexual is going on, then what does it matter? I am from the UK, where 16 year olds are legally allowed to engage in God's free love. I'm not that much older myself. Not that I am trying to get them into bed of course (I'm married to the church you see), and my intentions are to show them the light. And my penis.

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