Friday, 24 January 2014
Waitress: Hi, can I get you a drink?
Customer: Yes please. What have you got that’s warm?
Waitress: Well we have tea, coffee, or a hideous combination of the two that I like to call “Toffee”.
Customer: Erm, I’ll just have some tea please.
Waitress: Sure, no problem. Do you want anything to eat?
Customer: Okay, what specials have you got?
Waitress: Well we have bacon, eggs, or a hideous combination of the two that I like to call “Beggs”.
Waitress: We also have toast, pancakes, or a hideous combination of the two that I like to call “Tancakes”.
Customer: Pancakes will be fine thanks.
Waitress: Sure, coming right up!
*waitress walks away and takes the order to the kitchen. A few minutes later, she returns and approaches the table*
Waitress: I’m terribly sorry, but we’ve run out of tea and coffee. I’ll just make you a nice cup of hideous Toffee instead.
Customer: Umm okay.
Waitress: Oh, and we’ve also run out of pancakes. I’ll fix you some lovely disgusting Tancakes, free of charge.
Customer: Do they have to be disgusting?
Waitress: Well, we could combine the Toffee and Tancakes for you. It's untested, but it might come out alright.
Customer: And make “Toffcakes”?
Customer: Can I order something else?
Waitress: Sorry, too late, I’ve already put your order through.
Customer: Don’t worry, I’ll go somewhere else.
Waitress: NO! Sit down and eat your Toffcakes!
Customer: But I don’t wanna!
Waitress: If you don’t eat your Toffcakes, you won’t get any dessert!
Customer: …and what kind of dessert is that? Dare I even ask?
Waitress: It’s a hideous combination of limes and ice cream that I like to call “Lice Cream”.
Customer: Urgh! No way! I’m outta here!
*Customer storms out*
Waitress: …I just don’t understand why we’re losing customers like this. It’s not like we’re serving Banoffee or anything…