Have you ever tried to trace your family tree? I have, but the wooden ridges were far too bumpy and my pencil tore the paper in several places. I almost gave up on the whole affair until I discovered Inbred.com, a site dedicated to tracing your ancestors.
Inbred.com is a wonderful service that will display the hideous, deformed branches of your family tree. Those branches that your anti-descendants tried to trim from the tree will be exposed for the glaring, webbed-kneed horrors that they really are, and you’ll be bloody grateful for it.
This is the only website on the Internet that understands and accepts you and your dysfunctional genome. Everyone in the human race is descended from Adam and Eve, so we’re all inbred to some degree or another. That’s just scientific fact. Inbred.com will calculate all the variables involved and score you on a 10 point scale, with 10 being the most mutated. Scoring a 10 is almost impossible since you’d probably be unable to use a computer at that point, but it’s a handy system nonetheless.
Don’t believe me? Just ask any of Inbred.com’s loyal customers how well it works.
Hi my name is Barry and I’ve been using Inbred.com for about 50 years. In all my 27 years on this Earth, I have never seen such a gnarled, twisted family tree as mine. Apparently, my mum gave birth to herself, which was something I’ve always suspected. This website confirmed my worst fears and nightmares, but gave me something to blame when I get sacked from Poundland again. Thanks Inbred.com!
Good day ladies and gentlemen. I am Joffley, 3rd viscount of Wessex and owner of the world’s fattest goose. When I wanted to win a bet over who is the most aristocratic amongst my bridge-playing chummies, I just loaded up Inbred.com. Turns out I’m so inbred that I technically owe my own father a marriage dowry. I managed to acquire several estates through winning said bet. I also met a few cousins that I hadn’t yet had sex with, which was delightful.
Hullo, I’m Jedd an’ I’m here to tell you ‘bout this new webbed site called…whut’s it called again? Inbread? Well shit son! I had a dream the other day that my wife Marlene was made of bread! Best damn dream I ever dreamed up. Can I have ma beer now?
As you can see, Inbred.com has literally dozens of satisfied clients! Why not use your contorted digits to push the mouse towards that sign up button today?! Today! You know, before the sun goes down! That firey orb in the sky! That’s the one.