Flogging Holly

I've found myself at quite a loose end just recently. My life in general is pretty boring. I get up when I want, except on Wednesday's when I get rudely awakened by the dustman. I put my trousers on, have a cup of tea, and I think that my hobby of parodying Blur songs is starting to get stale. I need a new hobby; something a bit more lively to get me out of the house and pass the time. That's why I've started seeing a professional dominatrix.

Her name is Mz Holly Valentine (it's important to pronounce the Mz correctly, like a slightly aroused wasp). She's a no nonsense sort of lass and I respect that, mainly because I have to. She lives in a dungeon on the East side of town and I go and visit her every Thursday for an hour or two.

I'm still quite new to this S&M lark, so the whole thing is a big learning experience. The first time I visited her I didn't really know what the correct etiquette was for visiting a dominatrix. I figured it would be like attending a dinner party, so I pick out a rather cheeky bottle of Valpolicella from the top shelf in Tescos. She seemed a little bemused by my gift, but was friendly enough and invited me inside.

In order for a more fulfilling experience, Mz Holly said that we should get to know each other a bit.We began to talk about my likes and dislikes. I informed her that my favourite colour is blue, that I would like to be reincarnated as a sun bear, and that I have broken the world record for attending roller discos. Again, she seemed a little perplexed, but simply handed me a form where I had to tick off things that I am into. I ticked the box for flogging because I do like to sell things at car boot sales, and I have been known to flog items on eBay. I ticked CBT. I figured it was a typo for CBD and, as a town planner, I do enjoy a good Central Business District. I also ticked watersports because who doesn't love to catch a bit of surf? I expected that we'd have a lovely, fun-filled day out with the activities I'd chosen.

Just one of the many days out I had in mind for Mz Holly

Mz Holly chose to stay in instead. I instead found myself strapped to some uncomfortable contraption with a hood over my head. I was also in the ungentlemanly position of having no clothes on.

To be honest, it wasn't quite what I was expecting. Mz Holly's whole demeanour suddenly changed, and she went from being quite friendly to incredibly stern. She also had a thing about hitting me across the buttocks with a riding crop. Then I had to pay for the privilege and leave.

It was all a bit of a laugh until the nipple clamps came out. I had to take it otherwise I recieved more beatings, each more vigorous than the last. To be honest, this was nothing like what I imagined. I thought I'd get to make a new friend and strike up a new hobby with a like-minded individual.

I'm sure Mz Holly would be able to find herself a little bit of romance if she'd just stop calling blokes "maggots" and attaching them to uncomfortable apparatus. Also, her choice of attire seems to be more than a little uncomfortable. There's no wonder she doesn't leave the confines of her dungeon. I've tried to encourage her out of the house by suggesting trips to the zoo through my ball gag, but she always tells me to shut up.

You’re probably wondering why I keep visiting her when I don’t appear to enjoy the experience.  Well, it turns out that on my first visit, I entered into some kind of verbal agreement, and a verbal agreement is pretty much legally binding.  Addman is not the kind of man who will break his word.  I’ve made my own steel-framed bed and now I have to lie strapped to it.  I only hope I can bring this shy, retiring young woman out of her shell/catsuit and encourage to get out a bit more.  If I can just get her to stop whipping me for two minutes, that would be bonus.