Monday, 11 June 2007

Cha Cha Slide

If there's one thing that I am reknowned for, it's for lurking around the neighbourhood bushes and raiding peoples bins in the dead of night. However, if I were known for two things, the other would be that I have a fixation with Internet pranks. Basically, I like to have a little fun behind the curtain of animosity that the web provides, so when I found out about a little search engine named ChaCha, it was like offering me a free sack of mashed potatoes; I had to dive in head first and gorge myself on the goods.

Before we begin, here's a little background. is a search engine in a similar vein to Google, except that ChaCha offers you the opportunity to search with a guide if you need a little help searching. You are then connected to a live guide who will go to a lot of effort (fire up google, copy, paste, etc.) to help you find some useful results. The guides on ChaCha are often paid, and do this to earn some extra money on the side, so I thought I'd try and make some of their jobs a little more exciting:

Topic: Asparagus

Status: Looking for a guide ...

Status: Connected to guide: LillianV

LillianV: Welcome to ChaCha!

LillianV: Hi there. I will be helping with your search.

You: Hello Lillian, my that's a pretty name

LillianV: Thank you

LillianV: What would you like to know about asparagus?

You: I'm looking for asparagus, can you help me Lillian?

LillianV: Do you want a recipe?

You: I would like to know what the optimum temperature is for storing asparagus and growing asparagus and eating asparagus

LillianV: Sure, hold on please

You: OK, in the meantime, can I ask a question Lillian?

You: Is the V in your name a roman numeral? Making you the fifth Lillian in a long line of royal Lillians?

You: Wow, this is a long search, is asparagus hard to get hold of in these modern times?

You: Lillian, you're not dead are you?

You: Hello?

You: Oh Gods!

Something was wrong, Lillian V had stopped responding. I feared the worst, so I figured I must go and raise the alarm:

Status: Looking for a guide ...

Status: Connected to guide: DavidS

DavidS: Welcome to ChaCha!

DavidS: hi

You: Hello David, I'm a little concerned, can you help me?

DavidS: I can

You: My last guide, LillianV stopped talking for a long time, I fear the worst has become of her!

DavidS: maybe

DavidS: you never know

DavidS: this is a tough job

You: Sweet lord, is there nothing we can do?

DavidS: probably not

DavidS: it is probably too late

DavidS: at least you made it out

You: Can't you just check on her? You all live in the same building, right?

DavidS: umm no

DavidS: she was evicted

DavidS: last week

You: Oh dear, was she caught snorting cocaine through the unpaid house bills she was supposed to take care of?

You: That happened with my roommate.

DavidS: no she was hooking without a license

You: Hooking what? Ducks? Never mind, I'm sure she's ok. What can you tell me about Asparagus?

:Link: Discovery Online, The Skinny On... Asparagus Pee

You: Aspargus Pee? I'm not talking about urine here David!

You: I want to know what is the best temperature to store it and grow it!

:link: Everything About Asparagus... and More!

You: Hmm, everything about Asparagus, I'll give it a try, thank you David

DavidS: Is there anything else on this topic I can find for you today?

You: Are there any Asparagus For Dummies guides on the Internet? I'm a bit of a dope when it comes to asparagus.

DavidS: let me check

:link: Gardening Asparagus Growing Guide for - How to

You: Thank you, you are like Alan Titchmarsh, only without a braless woman following you around

DavidS: I try

DavidS: Is there anything else on this topic I can find for you today?

You: Nope, I think that is everything

DavidS: Thanks for using ChaCha! I hope you had a great search experience!

DavidS: Please RATE ME. Thanks for using ChaCha.

Status: Session ended.

I have plenty more of these, and I'll share them with you in due course.

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