V – Video Games

Here we are at V, the inevitable topic of discussion.  Long time readers may recall my unwillingness to discuss video games on here, for fear of turning this into yet another games blog.  And yet, in an A-Z of things that interest me, there isn't a more fitting topic for this particular letter (and don’t any of you dare suggest that I should have written about Vaginas.  I know how your minds work).

Rather than list my favourite games in order (1 would be Silent Hill 2, if you’re interested), I turned to the Internet for inspiration, motivation, and salvation.  I came across the rather amusing Video Game Name Generator [http://www.generatorland.com/glgenerator.aspx?id=132&rlx=y] which dishes out randomised game names.  I’ve listed some of the more chucklesome ones, along with an imagined description that I’ve made up.  Please enjoy:

Jacked-Up Pudding Fighter

Takes place in a school cafeteria.  You choose a generic school kid to play as (geeky kid, goth, bully, sports kid etc.) and your aim is to start a food fight, and come out with the least stainage on your clothes.  If your stain level reaches 100%, your character will pass out in fear of what his/her parents will say.  Being the last one standing nets you maximum points.  Multiplayer only.

Jesus Designer

Similar to Mario Paint, but with heavy religious overtones.  You can make lovely crucifix prints, draw a beautiful landscape of burning sinners, and compose 8-bit church hymns about praise.  The highlight is the 3D fully customisable virtual Jesus, which you can dress up and modernise with low slacks and bling.  After you’ve dressed him, you can plop him into a virtual shopping centre and watch him interact with people, all while Depeche Mode’s Personal Jesus plays in the background.

Grueling Mortician Rising

A guy who works in a mortuary falls and hits his head, killing himself in the process.  That is, until a nefarious necromancer raises him from the grave to reap souls for his collection.  The game involves you harvesting bodies and hauling them back to the mortuary for collection.  You have to avoid detection; otherwise the police will arrive and discover your heinous deeds.

Worms Incursion

In an unusual move for Team17, they’ve swapped their cuddly, cutesy earthworms for the bottom-dwelling parasite kind.  In this game, you have to lead a legion of worms into a human sphincter and keep them there, negotiating an obstacle course of barrelling excrement, and probing dildos.  The game is over after a certain time when your worms become too fat to feed anymore and just sort of, drop out.

That’s enough fun for me, now I’d like to invite you to have a go.  Generate some video games and post them in the comments.