Friday, 25 May 2007

Notice Of Absence

For all my faithful readers out there (you two are really hanging on aren't you?), I am doubtful that I will be able to make another update within the next week. I have a week off work, and the activities I have planned leave me little time to write another blog. Who knows, by the time I get back, I may have one thousand and one wonderous tales of ecstasy to share with you, or I may just post up another update about a dream I had.

Sorry my busy schedule leave little time for you guys, but once I'm back, I'll make it up to you, I promise.

Someone Is Sending Me Spams

Oh what a sweet thing to do! Many of us have recieved emails from African millionaires promising to give us their riches. Most of them, I ignore, but recently, I recieved one from a Miss Linda Mayo that struck a chord with me:

Dearest One,

Compliment of the season to you. I know that this letter will come to you as a surprise, with the full hope that you will bear with us to assist me in this mutual transaction that will extend our both families.

I am Linda Mayo from Abidjan in Republique of Cote d Ivoire. my late Father Mr. Lucas Mayo. who was into cocoa/Cotton export, died last year after a brief illness. before his died he deposited two big trunk boxes containing $4.5musd(Four million five hundred thousand united states dollar) with other family valuables with security company here in Cote d'Ivoire registered it as art work belonging to his foreign partner who will be coming for the release and export to abroad

Please, I want you to focus your mind in this transaction for this is risk free , legal an Genuine business. I ask for your assistance and permission to submit your name as my late Father foreign partner for release of this consignment and transfer/export to your cuntry for safe keeping and investment.

I humbly ask for you to response to this email immediately with your Tel/Fax numbers to enable me forward to you the neccessary documents concerning this deposit. So as to conclude this transaction under 14 good working days

My Brother and I have conclude to give you 10 % of the total money after the release of this consignment for your noble assistance.

And note that this is the only hope of my Brother and me therefore try to keep it confidential for the security of this money and our dear life.

Please we will like you to treat us like your own children.

Waiting for your urgent response,Please reply to this my email box

Best regards.
Miss Linda Mayo.
A damsel in distress? Who am I to turn down such a noble quest? Notice how she starts the message with "Dearest One"? That means she loves me. But alas, our love affair cannot possibly come to fruition, because my girlfriend will break my neck. Unfortunately, I would have to avoid the advances of this temptress of the interwebs, and concentrate on the business in hand. Here's my response:

Dear Miss Mayo,

First of all, I am very saddened to hear of your father's death. I'm sure he was an upstanding gent with plenty of preserves to his name. If his name was also Mayo, I'm sure he was a delcious man.

Second, may I just say, wow, I am very flattered by your proposal. 10% of 4 million dollars stands to make me around 2.8 million! Is there any chance I could have that exchanged into Great British Pounds (GBP (£££)) because my local liquor store does not take that "Crazy Yank money". I believe that, due to current exchange rates, I am going to double my money in this transaction! Oh boy, this is going to be a bigger windfall than the time it was my birthday and I was allowed to take £10 off of each player.

Let me assure you that I always keep my mind focussed when it comes to "legal an Genuine business", in fact, one would say that "legal an Genuine business" is what my mind is most focussed upon at all times, like this one time, where my friend Jimmy said to me "You know, you really need to keep your eye on the ball when it comes to legal an Genuine business", so I told him that he and his mother should just have sex and get it over with, so he beat me senseless with a video case. Of course, I got him back later that week when I threw his shoes into a septic tank, whilst he was still wearing them. Jimmy was weird, always poking his fingers into people's sandwiches at dinner time...anyway, where were we?

Anyway, I would be happy to give you my Tel/Fax numbers if I understood what it is you meant. Could you please clarfiy what a Tel/Fax number is, and where I can locate it. Is it those numbers behind the monitor?

I wish to assist you further, and hope that the transaction goes well. By the way, I would treat you as if you were my children, but that would involve you going into care.



P.S. Jimmy tells me that Tel/Fax numbers are like lottery numbers. My usual numbers are 6, 9, 18, 27, 36, and 45, the bonus ball is always 900. Thanks!

I can't wait for all that money! More on this exchange when I return. But for now, tally bye!

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