YOLO

You only live once.  Unless you happen to be James Bond, in which case you only live twice.  Or is that how many times the postman rings?  Now I've just confused myself.

What I am sure of is that I am sick and tired of seeing the acronym YOLO everywhere.  It stands for You Only Live Once, and is used mainly by morons to justify their reckless behaviour.

“I’ve just downed half a bottle of Jack, six tequila slammers and several shots of Domestos.  Now I’m going to drive on the opposite side of the road while Tweeting about it.  YOLO!”

I wish someone would throw a sandwich at me while screaming YOLO.  I missed lunch today.

I understand the sentiment.  You only have one shot at life so you should do the things which make you happy.  I don’t think anyone would deny you that right, unless you can only achieve true happiness through the molestation of mountain goats.  But what I don’t understand is why people use YOLO as a disclaimer for any monumentally stupid actions which may shorten their own lives, or the lives of others.  People seem to believe that simply saying YOLO gives you a get out of jail free card for when you inevitably set yourself on fire and run screaming into a fireworks factory.

In my opinion, the fact that you only live once is the perfect reason why you should try and protect yourself.  Don’t do things that will shorten your lifespan.  Once you’re dead, you’re dead and there’s no coming back from that. Well, not unless your name is Jesus or you have contracted the T virus.

This is why you should think twice before performing a death-jump into a chasm with only a "parachute"(AKA thin piece of material) stopping you from smashing into a thousand pieces on jagged rocks.  YOLO isn't a disclaimer for your irresponsible activity; it’s a reason for why you probably shouldn't do that stupid thing you fancy doing.

A more appropriate use of the acronym would be:

“ I'm staying inside today.  It’s windy and I'm scared that I’ll be blown into an open manhole.  YOLO!”

You Obviously Like Orgasms

As a result of the YOLO phenomenon, I’m seriously considering adopting this phrase as an excuse for my overly cautious lifestyle.  I plan to approach people in smoking shelters, snatch the cigarette from their hands and say “Smoking causes cancer.  YOLO!”.  If I see an obese person cramming their third burger patty into their inflated maw, I’m going to slap the cheesy death bomb from their bulbous fingers while screaming “YOLO!  YOLO!”  Jaywalkers will be tackled to the pavement in the name of YOLO.

Failing that, I’ll just come up with alternative meanings for the acronym and drop them into conversation.  “YOLO?  Oh, you mean Yetis Out Live Orang-utans!  Why yes, I do believe you are correct, although science has yet to announce anything official on the matter”.

This is where I open the doors to you, my dear readers.  Do you have any suggestions for what YOLO could alternatively stand for?