Monday, 30 July 2007

Double Your Money

Yarr, here be some additional content for bein' all patient. More Pirate Comics! By me! I mean yarrrr.

Please do not ask me about MWEEP! I think I was slightly high on...what do the cool kids take these days...laxatives! That's the way to be cool kids, laxative pills! Anyway, enjoy these nuggets.

Sunday, 22 July 2007

Fort here back from the dead

Hello all, Fort here to greet you all.

And before we get started - No I'm not here to speak about current events.
No I am not here to tell you about my life.
I am not here to tell you paper money is a wonderful invention.

No - instead I am here with a plea.

Send me gold so I may get my Epic mount!

That is all.

Thursday, 12 July 2007

Freak On A Leash

This morning, I met a man with half a moustache.

Whilst I feel that the above sentence says enough, I will elaborate. The man in question had a rather bushy, grey (He seemed to be around 50 years old) moustache on the right side of his face, but it appeared as though he had shaved the left half off. If the guy had been involved in some sort of freak electrolysis accident that only affected one side of his face, I could understand, but I could see stubble there. The evidence suggests that this person made a conscious decision to keep warm the underside of his right nostril, but deny the left one the same privelidge.

What kind of thought process goes into something like that? Did he get halfway through his shave, only to get distracted by a fire-breathing dandelion he thought he saw, or did he just look at himself in the mirror and took it upon himself to found a new fashion trend. I doubt he'd do it for a bet since he seemed like a very serious type of fellow who was asking me casually about bus times (blatantly ignoring the timetable next to his face, might I add).

I've Found Religion!

As much as I'd like to obsess over this bloke all day, I have a stranger tale to tell. A few nights ago, I was on MSN chatting to a few people, when an email address I'd never seen before added me. Intrigued, I accepted, and a strange exchance occurred. This guy named Pangolin_King randomly decided to try and recruit me to his religion. At first I was hesitant to speak to him, but the more he spoke, the more I played along, and it turned into quite a fun conversation.

Whilst I am aware this is some sort of wind up, I'd like to know who is responsible. Mainly so I can pat them on the back for a great prank. I'm sure this is someone who knows me having a bit of fun, but I'd love for it to be the case that this is some lone Internet guy who adds people on MSN and spreads a little Pangolin joy to those he meets.

Pangolin_King: Lo there my mammalian brother

Addman: Who are you?

Pangolin_King: Thou dost ask the wrong questions, child. My wish is to convert you

Addman: I’m busy

Pangolin_King: Too busy for Pangor The Mighty? You know not of his righteous deeds

Addman: Seriously, what are you talking about?

Pangolin_King: DO you wish to be enlightened? Do you need to belong? I am the lead practitioner of the Pangolin Faith

Addman: Pangolin faith? We talking about armadillos here?

Pangolin_King: NO! Never say that again, heathen! Pangolins are the descendants of the great overlord Pangor

Pangolin_King: Look into his eyes, you know it to be true

Addman: Tell me more about your religion. What colour hats do you wear?

Pangolin_King: Blue, as blue as the eyes of Pangor! You are impressed by the subtle nuances of our faith, are you not?

Addman: Yeah, sounds spine tingling, what else do you do?

Pangolin_King: We meer once a week and discuss the ways in which we can live our lives in a way that appeases the mighty, armoured one

Pangolin_King: *meet

Addman: If I join, can I eat Pangolin meat anymore?

Pangolin_King: You sir, sicken me to my very soul. I assume you jest to provoke a negative response. DO NOT MAKE PANGOR STRIKE YOU DOWN WITH HIS UNSTOPPABLE FURY!

Addman: What perks would I get?

Pangolin_King: You wouldn’t go to hell

Addman: Sounds great, can I sign all my friends up without their permission?

Pangolin_King: Our faith would welcome them with open arms, but they have to be ready themselves to accept Pangolins into their hearts

Addman: Tell me Pangolin_King, do many raving lunatics contact you over MSN?

Pangolin_King: Never. Most people are not open minded enough to listen to my teachings

Pangolin_King: You sir are an exception. May you die happy and scaley

Addman: Yeah, people support those crazy religions like Christianity and stuff

Addman: Thank you, may you not die in a horrible hole yourself

Pangolin_King: If thou dost join up now, we have a Ping Pong tournament

Addman: Hot piss!

Pangolin_King: Yes, for according to the Book Of Paws, Verse XVI:

Pangolin_King: And Pangor decreed, “Lo, for he who batteth thy ball repeatedly and delivers it from gravity, shall recieveth the love of the lord”.

Addman: Wow, can Pangor talk? What does he look like?

Pangolin_King: Of course he can talk, he’s a Humanoid Pangolin!

Addman: I’m sorry, I have much to learn

Pangolin_King: Indeed you do my brother, but worry not, for under my guidance, you shall prevail

Addman: Will Mr. Pangor heal the pain that is in my heart?

Pangolin_King: Surely, the question must be “How can I accept Pangor into my heart”

Addman: I’ve never heard anyone put it like that before, are you a leader of your religion?

Addman: Like some kind of Pangolin Pope?

Pangolin_King: Nay, I am merely a lowly local priest who wishes to accept you into our fold. However, if I convert 12 lost souls, I may recieve a free upgrade on my Preachin’ License

Addman: I have to go now, I shall see you at Pangolin church

Pangolin_King: Great, I shall see you soon. And take this with you

Pangolin_King: And he who feeds his Pangolin well, shall surely enter Panghalla

Look Ma, I Gots A Fancy Title!

Notice that new blue thing at the top of the page? Pretty snazzy eh? Alright, I admit I'm no artist, and it took me a whole five minutes to make, but it looks a little better than before. This marks the start of a new era, where...the blog has a title image...and stuff! So enjoy it before my plan to shut down the Internet comes into effect. Ciao for now.

Friday, 6 July 2007

Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go

I apologise again for the lack of updates, being busy really kills my procrastinating spirit and I haven't found much time to sit down and write something worthwhile up. Whilst I realise that my Blog has yet to crown it's head through the vaginal walls of mainstream entertainment, I know there are at least a handful of people who do read this space regulary. For you guys, I doubt I'll be able to get any updates on over the weekend, as is life, but I promise my enthusiasm hasn't died and I still intend to keep on top of this.

Still, only today left, then weekend. IIIIIIIIIT'S ONLY BLOOOODY FRIDAY!


Wow, this Blog has had more views than I thought it would have in only a month and a half with an irregular update schedule. I rarely check the front page between updates, so I estimate that since I put the counter up, around 25-30 of those hits are mine, some will be Fort's, but the rest are precious, precious readers. I consider this to be a special occasion, and want to use some of this time to reflect on how things have changed since I started this Blog.

If you can cast your mind all the way back to May, when the Internet used to be in black and white, and buses could be boarded in exchange for coins or the realm, it was a much simpler time. Cheese only came in 972 different varieties, instead of the ludicrous 975 we have now. You used to get twelve pieces of lint for a stalk of rhubarb, and thats the way I like it. Anyway, here are some of the highlights and lowlights of the past two months:

  • Muppets For Justice launches under it's original guise, Custardy Crap.
  • Custardy Crap hit by lawsuit by custard companies for insinuation that custard is similar in either taste or consistency to excrement. Changes name to Muppets For Justice.
  • Muppets For Justice hit by lawsuits from Fathers For Justice. No one cares. Name sticks.
  • The first Muppets For Justice visitor arrives. Has heart attack due to party poppers and fireworks set up to celebrate first visitor.
  • Visitor turned out to be Addman's mum. Fort buries the evidence.
  • Fort officially joins the team. Contracts are signed, socks are exchanged, and everyone has a nice cup of cyanide laced-tea.
  • Addman writes a hilarious post which wins "Post Of The Year". Everyone celebrates. Other Bloggers resign themselves to bruising vengeance.
  • Interdimensional portal opens up and sucks away Addman's trophy, certificate, and any evidence of the Post Of The Year ever existing. Also looses a cat called mittens, if found please call.
  • After recieving no comments on most articles, Addman begins to cry himself to sleep.
  • Fort gets addicted to WoW, never writes for the Blog again in his quest to secure an Epic Mount.
  • Addman mistakes Epic Mount to be some form of sexual innuendo. Is hastily disappointed.
  • Toast demons emerge from the fridge. Scientists baffled.
  • Addman begins writing a list that doesn't make sense, looses many readers, and begins scrapping for change on the streets of New York.
So as you can see, much has happened since I started this Blog, some good, some not so good. Either way, I don't have any intention of stopping soon, so you're all stuck with me. Until Monday, I hope all dreams come true and all that jazz.