The British Dream

We all know about the American dream. It's what the whole country was founded on and is often referred to in movies, TV shows, books, smoke signals, and carrier pigeons. The American Dream entitles all Americans to own their own property, live off the fat of the land, stroke soft things, and shoot your mentally handicapped friend when he becomes a burden (or so I've read).

But do other countries have dreams too? If they do, they don't seem to talk about them very much. Maybe they're special night time dreams that cause you to dampen your special areas. I imagine that the Australian dream is to survive a pissed boxing match with a kangaroo, whereas the Japanese dream is to build a lifelike android with sentient thoughts and emotions, then rape it 'til it breaks.  Offensively misguided stereotypes aside, no other country claims to have a national dream.

An artist's rendition of the American Dream

If the British had a dream, what would it consist of? I'm British and I once dreamt that I was Jackie Chan's unlikely stunt double, but I doubt I'm representative of a national trend.

I believe that the real British dream is to own your own pub. Or at least, that's the male British dream. The female British dream is probably some unholy hybrid of Princess And The Frog and 50 Shades Of Grey, but I'm no female head doctor.


For all you British men reading this (I know some of you are, don't be shy, this is therapy dammit!) I defy you to claim that this is false. At some point, I'm sure you've imagined what it would be like to run your own pub. We've all fancied it, if only for the misguided illusion that we can drink beer all day long and get money for it.

I took this outside my favourite pub at the moment, The Rutland Arms.  They always put out a funny sign.

Back before the banking sector was devastated by Moneygeddon in 2008, there were tons of pubs around. There was at least 1 pub for every 5 people in the country. It was a simpler time where the smell of stale ale was an appropriate indoor fragrance. Now, most pubs have shut down, leaving British livers feeling healthier, but slightly redundant.

But this won't do much to dampen the dreams of men.  I've already decided on my pub's name.  Are you ready?  Here it comes:

The Cock And Bulls

That's right.  And it will have a picture outside of two bulls side by side with a cockerel balanced on their backs.  It will be the flagship in my chain of Pun Pubs.  Other pubs will include The Queen's Legs (so you would wait for The Queen's Legs to open to have a drink), and The Bear Arms (in which the locals will shoot at you if you enter).  They'd serve almost anything from the Wychwood Brewery.  When we finally open, I'll invite you all for a pint*.  Cheers!

*The pint will be priced at normal rates.

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By the way, I won an award from the manly folks over at Dude Write!

Thanks to Dude Write and Youngman Brown!  Seriously, go and check them out for some great material written by great dudes.  And the best bit of this award is that I don't need to answer any questions!  Muahahahaha!