Helpful Notes From Your Roommate

Hi,

Me again.  Sorry to leave another note, but could you please put the tomato sauce back in the fridge in future?  I had to throw it away and, I think I speak for everyone when I say that we don’t want our condiments budget to increase due to this kind of behaviour.

Thanks

-------

Hi

I know we all have to do our laundry, but if I find another pair of boxer shorts drying on the kitchen sink I will throw them away.  This is near the food preparation area and I’m sure none of us want a skid sandwich.

Thanks

-------

Hi,

Now, I know we have a rota and everything, but I think it needs to be revised.  I don’t think the chores share out equally since someone managed to discharge their plant watering duties. By the way, cactus and orchid soup is not a nutritious meal.

Thanks

So, this is a thing...

-------

Hi,

The front door was unlocked for most of the afternoon.  This might be acceptable in your own house, but as this is a student house, people could just walk in and take whatever they wanted.  I’m sure you all have expensive valuables too.  I would die if someone stole my collection of ladies toilet Polaroids.

Thanks

-------

Hi,

Which joker thought it was hilarious to unscrew all of my jars of food and leave them on a hot windowsill?  Since my next loan instalment isn’t due for another 2 months, I’m going to have to beg my parents for some more beetroot and pickled onions.  If this happens again, I’m writing to student services, Or my MP.

Thanks

A particularly tidy student house

-------

Hi,

To whoever left me a note calling me a “passive-aggressive sonuva bitch”, allow me to point out two things:

1.     “Sonuva” isn’t a word.  Whilst I don’t usually mind concatenations, “uva” is not a word either.  This renders your insult invalid.

2.    I’m not being passive-aggressive.  I’m being polite.  I leave notes because I have issues with direct confrontation.  I know you’ll probably take the piss out of me for that, but that makes you a bully.

Thanks

------- 

Hi,

I’ve applied to change residences and student services are considering my request.  You’ll all be rid of me soon enough.  In the meantime, please stop turning the temperature up when my clothes are in the machine.  My trousers have all shrunk and I’m starting to look like The Incredible Hulk’s pasty cousin.

Thanks

------- 

Hi,

Just wanted to say, I’m off.  No doubt you won’t miss me, just as I won’t miss any of you.  You’ve all held me back this term.  I’d have probably already passed this course if it wasn’t for your incessant meddling with my things.  By the way, did someone put Steroids in my hamster’s drinking water?  He’s looking a little buffer than normal and managed to break my finger like a Twiglet.

I hope you all die.

Thanks