Have you ever wondered why there are so many socially maladjusted children in this day and age? As the months tick by and the Information Age gathers steam, we seem to be breeding more and more introverted, behaviourally challenged children who lack the social skills deemed necessary to survive in the modern world. Some say our sedentary society of distracting screens is destroying the attention spans of our younger generations, but some parents know the truth.
Psychologists, psychiatrists, and psychopaths have managed to diagnose a number of fairly new conditions which have only become prevalent in recent decades. These include dyslexia, autism, ADHD, aspergers, and dyspraxia. But what if scientists are wrong? What if these children are instead gifted, rather than being saddled with disorders? Enter the Indigo philosophy, an idea which explains how these children are guaranteed to lead us to the promised land, or somewhere equally fertile, like Greggs.
There are many websites on Indigo Children. Most of them include tie dye backgrounds and exude a faint smell of hemp, but all of them contain lunatics who cannot fathom that their children might have difficulties in institutionalised learning. Instead, they desperately want their child to be special and unique in some way, so they’ve managed to invent a theory that their kids will deliver us from evil and start a new world order of peace and unity.
|Such a special little guy.|
Despite being run by new age mums who struggle to cope with their behaviourally challenged sprogs, these websites are surprisingly detailed when it comes to Indigo Children. Here are some sure fire symptoms of Indigocity (which I reckon should be word):
· They exude a blueish aura – Hence the name Indigo children. If you are unsure what colour your child’s aura is, view them through ultra violet goggles.
· They struggle to concentrate for more than two seconds – This is because their minds are on higher things, such as plotting a course to the Promised Land with enough rest stops to ensure that no one on the freedom bus wets themselves.
· They tend to get bullied by other kids – Other children will be extremely jealous at not being the chosen one and will try and hold your child back from greatness by pummelling them repeatedly.
· They don’t do very well in school – Rather than get their child diagnosed by one of those lying doctors so that they can get the classroom help they need, parents of Indigo Children know that there’s nothing school can teach them that will be worthwhile when we ascend to a higher plane of existence.
· They are extremely sensitive emotionally – Indigos are so in tune with people’s feelings, they can sense someone in mild discomfort from 500 miles away. Try to avoid being upset or eating spicy food around Indigo kiddies.
I’m sure that by using this not-at-all vague set of guidelines, you’ve already established whether your child is an Indigo or not. But how do you encourage an Indigo wombshit? There are several things you can do to make sure that your kid ascends to greatness. These involve regular cuddles, no behaviour management, never punishing your child, and pulling them out of mainstream education and homeschooling them if needs be. That’s right, even if your own knowledge of the world would make currently undiscovered molluscs at the bottom of the sea seem highly intelligent in comparison, you’d be better off teaching your Indigo kids yourself. Provided you can get enough time off from your World of Warcraft guild, that is.
As an aside, if your child has any other aura other than Indigo, you might as well smother them and start again with a new child. No one wants a child with a grey aura now, do they?
You may be asking yourself why I've chosen to write about this subject for the A-Z challenge. I've been asking myself the same question. I guess I just enjoy delusional people and their crackpot theories.