We’ve all heard of the hideous wasting disease known as
leprosy. We all laughed at the idea that
their arms might fall off at any given moment.
We’d all like to slap them on the back and watch them crumble to bits
like a crash test dummy. But do lepers
and leprosy actually exist in the modern world?
I’ve never come across a leper. After spending a lot of time amongst the
homeless (the free lunches they get sure are tasty. If you simply piss in your own pockets and
tousle your hair and they’ll accept you as one of their own), I’ve never seen
an actual, real life leper.
I have come to the conclusion that lepers are simply make
believe creatures, like the unicorn, the griffin, and the platypus. If they do exist, it’d be difficult for them
to fully blend in, especially in the business world. If you find someone who refuses to shake your
hand, perhaps they might suffer from leprosy.
A man who regularly shuns high fives must be a leper.
On that note, what exactly are leper colonies? I imagine a leper colony would work in a
similar manner to a bee colony, with one leper queen and thousands of leper
drones toiling to provide food for the colony.
Unfortunately, they wouldn’t be able to carry much more weight than a
handful of leaves, otherwise their hands would drop off. Starvation must have been a common dilemma
amongst leper colonies. That’s not to
mention the sheer horror faced by leper drones when mating with their queen. I’d guess it was like a discarded string of
sausages across her chamber floor.
If there are any lepers or leper experts out there, I’d
love to hear from you. Please don’t take
this post as an attack on lepers, I am just a little loose on the facts. Forgive my ignorance on the subject, as I’d
hate for you to fall apart over it. In
fact, I’d like to take a leper out for a beer and watch him get completely legless. On beer!
Nothing else was meant by that comment, oh god! Please don’t throw any punches at me. Not that you’d be detaching your fists and
literally throwing them at me or anything.
Again I didn’t mean it like that...I’ll shut up now. I'll pull my finger out for the next post.
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By the way, have you noticed the new layout? Well you can thank Elton over at Elton Says Things for that. He created that nice spangled banner up there, which I feel has really livened this place up. In a show of appreciation, I urge you to visit his Blog which is really very, very good.
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By the way, have you noticed the new layout? Well you can thank Elton over at Elton Says Things for that. He created that nice spangled banner up there, which I feel has really livened this place up. In a show of appreciation, I urge you to visit his Blog which is really very, very good.
I, sir, happen to BE a leper! And your portrayal of leper colonies is shockingly accurate. I'm just a leper-drone, gathering pollen, eating it, then vomiting it to make honey (yes, that's what honey is, bee vomit). Thank you for drawing attention to our leper cause, because no one else will touch it (rim shot, please).
ReplyDeleteLike the new banner. Very swanky.
I knew I was right! Do you use the honey as an adhesive to stick your limbs back on with?
DeleteLoving the new look!
ReplyDeleteThanks, me too! Looks a little less formal, which suits me just fine.
DeleteWow, I thought leper were a leopard/lemur hybird. What little you think you know was actually very educational.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I always wondered if leper colonies still existed as well. Great post!
In modern folklore I believe zombies have succeeded lepers in public regard.
ReplyDeleteOh wow, this is awesome :) You're hilarious.
ReplyDeleteSarah Allen
(my creative writing blog)
Lepers do exist. There were leper colonies until the late 1950s. One was in Hawaii. Another was in Louisiana. Medications now exist to control leprosy, which allows those with it can be out in public. An excellent series of books by Stephen Donaldson has its M/C as a leper. Good read.
ReplyDeleteSusan beat me to it! If only I got to your post three hours earlier.
ReplyDeleteNOt only do they exist but they are pissed off. They threatened Aardman if they didn't drop a scene featuring lepers from their upcoming Pirates movie. The new layout IS very swanky.
ReplyDeleteNice layout ... totally cosmo!
ReplyDeleteLepers and leprosy I reckon has been elevated to an Urban Legend standard.
But I would not be surprised if one of your million followers would be one.
They are pretty much like leprechauns. Maybe they have moved to Ireland?
I love youe whit. Lepers do exist, although they are more prevalent in third world countries. Mother Teresa did most of her work with lepers.
ReplyDelete