Friday, 2 September 2011


I have a confession to make. I love rolling news channels. I love the sense of gravitas bought to every titbit of news as though it is epoch-shattering, life-ending information. Every time I see the banner "BREAKING NEWS", I read between the lines and a tiny television executive in my head screams "PLEASE DON'T STOP WATCHING!".

Why does everything have to be BREAKING NEWS anyway? I'd like to see a bit more variety in the form of more specialised headlines. This would surely keep viewers more entertained and engaged than boring old BREAKING NEWS everywhere. Here are a few ideas that those folks in Tellyland can keep, for free!

BRAKING NEWS - News about the auto mobile industry or traffic incidents

RAKING NEWS - Weekly gardening feature presented by Alan Titchmarsh and Charlie Dimmock's breasts.
SHAKING NEWS - News relevant to those suffering from Parkinson's Disease.

BREAKING PEWS - News relating to civil disorders inside religious buildings.

FAKING NEWS - For stories which haven't been verified yet (would mainly be used on Sky News).

MAKING POOS - For when rioters do a dirty protest, or celebrity drunks shame themselves in public.

BAITING MOOS - News relating to widespread outbreaks of cow tipping.

DRINKING BOOZE - To be used for celebrity alcoholism stories, or when the news anchor goes mental due to the terrifying incidents he has to witness on a daily basis, and finds solace in the bottle.

This is so much fun that it'd be rude to hog it all for myself. Go ahead, I encourage you come up with your own taglines.


Since this post was a little shorter than usual, here's some bonus content. Here is my new favourite chocolate bar:

Jive bar: Now in Turkey Flavour!


  1. Ha! I love this, I'm now a follower!
    Come visit me @ and check out my blog ;o)

  2. ACHING NEWS - For old people only.

  3. no breaking news : just to get attention

  4. Great suggestions, thanks.

    GRATING NEWS - Advancements made in the field of cheese grating.


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