Friday, 23 September 2011

Diet/Fitness Apps

As you should know by now, I am an idiot.  Not just a slightly under achieving doofus, I mean a hand-slapping, honking like a lobotomised seal kind of idiot.  True to form, I occasionally reply to spam emails in the hope that comedy will ensue.  I received this a few days ago from someone who wanted a bit of advice on her diet/fitness app:
Hi Addman,

I was reading your blog today and wonder if I could get your opinion on a diet/fitness app I am working on?

For me, I think the main problem with being fit and eating healthy is motivation. It's an abstract, overwhelming goal. I think the best way to counter this is to turn it into winnable games and small victories.

So... my app makes living healthy, and fitness into a RPG game, where users earn points, "level up', and earn badges as they accomplish their health goals. Everytime they add something healthy like veggies to their diet, they earn points. Everytime they complete a workout, they earn points. As they achieve more and more, they'll level up and unlock badges, and discounts/coupons to rewards like spas, health foods, maybe even sweet and semi-healthy things like raw chocolate.

Of course, to appeal to people's need for achievements/progress, I'm also adding charts, and graphs to show their progress... I think people love that sorta stuff. The whole idea is to shift people's attitude towards healthy living as fun, achievement, and winnable. We're missing that sense of "win" in fitness. That feeling we get when we finish checking things off a list, or cleaning up a room.

What's your opinion on this idea? Would you want to know when I'm done with it? If this sounds too silly, or absurd, just ignore what I just said, hehe =)


Despite my brain screaming at me to stop, I simply had to reply:

Hi Christine!

As you've read my blog, you'll no doubt understand how important diet/fitness is to me.  I simply cannot get by without a daily dose of diet/fitness.  Naturally, a diet/fitness app would suit me like water wings on a bumblebee, but I have a few questions about it?

1)  Would the app be available on Tuesdays and Thursdays?  I tend to perform most of my diet/fitness on these days.
2)  Would the app be free, or would you keep it caged up?  I only download free range apps.
3)  Do you need a smartphone to download the diet/fitness app?
4)  When you level up in this diet/fitness app, do you learn fireball spells?  This is crucially important.

Thanks for informing me about this and rekindling my love affair with diet/fitness.



She responds:

Thanks for the feedback, I'm glad you like the idea :) Hehe, the app will be for smartphones so you can use it 24/7. But there will be a website version so everyone can use it.

But no fireball spells unfortunately =(

I'll let you know when the site/app is done, so you can check it out. It won't be until later this year when I'm done with it. Creating an app and a website is very challenging, but creating something new that will help others is very exciting! ^_^

My response:

This is all very exciting!  A diet/fitness site/app available 24/7 would be a dream come true!

I understand how challenging it is to make a website.  I once created a website about my brother, it was called "FUCK YOU CONRAD!".  I knocked it up very quickly after he smashed my batman glass by accident/on purpose, and it all ended very badly when the police made me take it down.  I'm not allowed to see him anymore.  Anyway, if you need help on designing your website, I can give you a few pointers if you like.

I'm sad to see the lack of fireball spells, but I think you could redeem this by putting in a +1 Mace Of Corruption, or a Magic Missile.


 No further response from her yet.  I guess people aren't as easily lead these days...


Something for the weekend?  In honour of R.E.M.'s recent split, how about a quick rundown of my top three of Stipe's finest?

3.  Stand

2.  Man On The Moon

1.  The Great Beyond


  1. Addman,

    THIS. IS. BRILLIANT. No joke here, my friend...but you keep doing these with SPAM and you've got a sellable book on your hands! SERIOUSLY! PLEASE keep doing these...even if it's just for this blog. I LOVED this!

  2. Very, very kind words Dewey. Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. If you enjoyed that, you might like this epic saga (part 1 of 2):

  3. This particular spambot seems to be targeting this website, actually. In a quick google search to determine its nature, I came across your blog. Win-win situation for me, in the end, this is awesome.

  4. Thanks Hjortkayre. The initial message was obviously a mass mail, but the manner of the reply suggests that she's a real person, not the usual spambot type of thing. I'm please you enjoyed it.

  5. OOOkay, I Just learned more about spam-bots thank you. join me back.

  6. Hey, I found your blog while doing a search...on how to search for comedy blogs. Weird, huh. I thought a search like that would rip a hole in the internet/space/time continuum. Instead, I found your blog, which is very good by the way. I do a comedy/humor/self flagellation for the amusement of others blog. It's here...Elton Says Things

  7. Ahh, thank you Addman! I just received an identical message from Ms. Chu this morning, and was terrified to open it in fear of hidden malware.

    But now I know that it's simply inbox spam, which is more than enough for me to delete without reading. :)

  8. I know you said you had to take it down, but I would be very interested in reading this "Fuck You Conrad" blog and giving him a piece of my mind for breaking your Batman glass. On 2nd thought, I'm not sure I can stand to lose anymore of my mind. You wouldn't happened to have posted it under another title would you?

    Let me know if you hear about that app. I will download it too and we can NOT work out together. I will have to upgrade to a smartphone. Right now my phone is stupid.

    Awesome that you did this. I can just imagine her taking you seriously!


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