Monday, 19 September 2011

Musicians Are Lying To Us

Let's start with a hypothetical situation.  Imagine if I released a product which was essentially a handgun covered in razor blades which shot rounds of exploding, venomous bullets.  Then imagine what would happen if I named this product "Cure-All" and all pharmacists stocked it.  Do you think I'd be arrested for false advertising?  Actually, false advertising is probably the least serious charge I'd be facing for being such a reckless, psychopathic bastard.

Anyway, if I can't do that, then why do we accept such blatant lies from our biggest recording artists?  We should expect them to stand up for what they claim to represent.  Still not sure what I'm getting at?  Here are a few examples:

The Pixies - All members of The Pixies can be officially classed as humans, not pixies.

The Killers - Not a single murder has been committed by any member of this band.  It's a disgrace!

Coldplay - Chris Martin's crew have done sod all towards the upkeep of recreational facilities for Inuit children, so how can they claim to stand up for Coldplay?

Rage Against The Machine - The average office worker displays more anger towards technology than these guys.  In fact, RATM seem much more disgruntled by the establishment, so they should call themselves Rage Against The MPs.

Snow Patrol - During last year's deep snowfall, I never saw a single report of Gary Lightbody clearing people's driveways or helping old ladies to the shops.

The Jam - Simply not spreadable at all, and tastes awful on toast.

The Smiths - The irony of Morrissey being to forced to make pointy, steel weapons of death would be so delicious it would keep me fed and satisfied throughout the winter.

We Are Scientists - No You're Not.

As you can see, the music industry is abundant with examples of downright dirty liars.  So I'll pass the mic.  Can anyone think of any other examples?


  1. Umm...the OBVIOUS? The Beatles. Never saw a single thorax. Don't expect I ever will.

  2. Too true. I've watched hours of archive footage, and never once seen Lennon and McCartney using their mandibles to fight for mating rights and territory.


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